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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML

#21221072
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44079) - you deserved it (4007)

On 07/26/2014 at 11:35am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Welshite's comment : This is why passwords were invented.

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Today, I lost my wedding ring at work. It wouldn't be too hard to track down, except that I work at Heinz. If you find it in your mayonnaise, keep it. FML

WoldowJR's comment : A jar of mayonnaise... What a way to propose.

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Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I received was a bill for a piss test I took earlier this year. FML

#21220823
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37226) - you deserved it (3537)

On 07/26/2014 at 12:55am - misc - by birthday girl - United States (Ohio)

Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional trombonist, and every note causes excruciating pain. FML

#21220657
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37391) - you deserved it (4475)

On 07/25/2014 at 10:06pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

nekkis's comment : well that... blows

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Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

#21220536
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42716) - you deserved it (7961)

On 07/25/2014 at 6:46pm - misc - by xXshitface4uXx (woman) - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, I got rear-ended because my ultra-clingy girlfriend wouldn't let go of my hand long enough for me to shift gears. FML

#21220481
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42545) - you deserved it (9851)

On 07/25/2014 at 5:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML

#21220439
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45595) - you deserved it (3713)

On 07/25/2014 at 4:19pm - misc - by asshalf15 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

#21220355
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45444) - you deserved it (3422)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:16pm - misc - by notadoorman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

#21220246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38237) - you deserved it (6594)

On 07/25/2014 at 11:54am - animals - by shewhopoopsinlitterboxes (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

#21219985
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18187) - you deserved it (48060)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:05am - animals - by fuckendog (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone interview with a company. Excited, I prepared for the interview and conducted extensive research on the company. The interview ended within a minute. They'd got the wrong person. FML

#21219731
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40189) - you deserved it (3066)

On 07/24/2014 at 10:04pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went on a date with an extremely cute girl. About 30 minutes in, she excused herself to the restroom. I waited for about 20 minutes, then I got up and left. About 10 minutes later, she called asking where I was. FML



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