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Today, I woke up this morning in a panic. Last night, I heard scratching at my door, but I thought it was just my cat and went back to sleep. This morning, it hit me that my cat is 600 miles away living with my mom in Iowa. I'm terrified to even sleep now. FML

#21370427
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31816) - you deserved it (2534)

On 03/08/2015 at 10:41am - animals - by no salt, no burning, just STFU (man) - United States

cutycat136's comment : Burn it down. Burn it down now. Get out of there now while you still can. Get on a plane and as far away from there as possible. Don't look back. Don't bring anything with you, no time. Get a priest there asap to cleanse the land to be safe. It's time for a new life. It has already been too late for some. It all starts when that first scratch is heard. Maybe you can be saved. It's still early.

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Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

#21370369
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32488) - you deserved it (2715)

On 03/08/2015 at 6:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Barnet)

otecasacid's comment : Maybe if you aren't regularly sexual with him the change would be suspiciously sudden. Consistency is key

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Today, I discovered my friends have contests to see who can photoshop my pictures to make them even uglier. FML

#21370101
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29716) - you deserved it (2421)

On 03/07/2015 at 6:55pm - misc - by Theuglyfriend - United States

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

#21369995
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26013) - you deserved it (8215)

On 03/07/2015 at 3:14pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

#21369959
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34628) - you deserved it (3213)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by greatly disturbed - United States (California)

feven's comment : Parents think they're so slick. Kids understand the dirty jokes by age 12 thank you and please stop

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Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML

#21369958
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30790) - you deserved it (3844)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, at an important statewide band performance, my mom stayed in her seat, silent, while everyone else gave a standing ovation. FML

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

#21369938
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32508) - you deserved it (3025)

On 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

#21369892
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27101) - you deserved it (2713)

On 03/07/2015 at 11:59am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I watched in horror from the doorway as my brother furiously scratched at his greasy hair and ate the large flakes of dead skin that came loose from his scalp. I think our real dad might be caged in a zoo somewhere. FML

#21369858
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27000) - you deserved it (2078)

On 03/07/2015 at 10:58am - misc - by GROSS (woman) - Bangladesh

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

#21369803
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27858) - you deserved it (4839)

On 03/07/2015 at 7:14am - animals - by farksh (woman) - Australia

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

#21369784
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33574) - you deserved it (2174)

On 03/07/2015 at 5:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

#21369637
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27616) - you deserved it (5492)

On 03/06/2015 at 11:26pm - health - by Anonymous - United States



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