Today, at school, we were supposed to say something that we are thankful for. When I was about to speak, one of the girls at my table said, "It's okay, you can say PornHub." FML

by Bonngoo / 11/17/2016 at 1:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

4lphab3t4's comment : Counter answers: "I was actually going to say earplugs, so I don't have to listen to your bitchy voice." "I was actually going to say Death, so at least there's an end to dealing with you."

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Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

by GoodbyeNewJob / 11/17/2016 at 1:00pm / Work

Today, to keep my dog from barking in my ear in the car, I put a buzz collar on him. It worked: he barked once, the collar vibrated, he shut up. Then, his 75 pounds trembling in terror, he pissed himself and all over the back seat. FML

by ThatBackfired / 11/17/2016 at 10:51am / Animals

tapdancecolumbia's comment : If you've never trained him with it, what did you expect to happen? He's never felt that - maybe it just surprised him, maybe it hurt him. To just suddenly slap it on and expect him to understand it is pretty silly. Alternately, you could always crate him in the back. YDI button should be here for this one.

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2016/11/17
Blog

Today, my class and I were discussing our country's relationship with other countries. One person stated that the French have never done anything for us. A classmate took that moment to chime in and ask, "I thought the French gave us that giant statue of the Mona Lisa?" He was dead serious. FML

by crazymentalblond / 11/17/2016 at 6:47am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Elielili's comment : They only gave the US their liberty, nothing much really

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Today, despite feeling healthier than ever, losing fat, gaining muscle and having perfect blood results, my morbidly obese relatives keep telling me that my new vegan diet is "unhealthy". FML

by ribx / 11/17/2016 at 6:24am / New Zealand (Waikato) / Health

Today, I am starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven't been told what my duties are, who my line manager is or who to ask if I need help. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2016 at 8:29pm / Work

Today, I was in the city newspaper for something I worked my ass off on. There was a picture of me working on my creation in the article with a caption, something like, "Chloe B, part of the robotics team." My name isn't Chloe, and I talked to the article writers. I haven't heard back at all. FML

by rainbowlack / 11/16/2016 at 7:53pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking to a bathroom on campus before class when my professor walked in behind me. There were two urinals in the bathroom, we walked right up next to each other and unzipped our pants in unison. It became so awkward for me, I actually said out loud, "Nope, too awkward" and left. FML

by beetregeneration / 11/16/2016 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my dad told my mom to only drop off my sister for Thanksgiving and not me. Guess I was wrong about him wanting to work on our relationship. FML

by num1piglover / 11/16/2016 at 5:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Holidays

Today, I walked into a mirror in a shop. No one would have known had my face not stayed printed on it due to my make-up. FML

by aveugle / 04/09/2011 at 7:28am / Turquie (Istanbul)

Today, my mum called me at work in hysterics, saying she had just been arrested and that I needed to get her dog from her house. I had no idea why she was arrested. I hear nothing from her until 1 a.m. when she calls, waking me up. The first words out of her mouth are, "How's the dog?" FML

Today, I asked the guy I share a desk with at work out because he has texted me a few times and seemed pretty into me. He said he doesn't date coworkers, even though the last 5 people he's dated have been coworkers. FML

by princessrose / 11/16/2016 at 6:05am / Love