Today, the elderly lady I work for got mad at me, all because I wouldn't feed her imaginary friend. FML

by LoveTheElder / 05/10/2016 at 9:38pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I went on a date with my long time crush of three years. Everything was going great, until I found out he supports Donald Trump. FML

by anon / 05/10/2016 at 9:30pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, one of my students stole my wallet. I teach kindergarten. FML

by Annoyed / 05/10/2016 at 9:23pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Tarlachia's comment : All I can think of is a 5 year old gangbanger just staring you down, daring you to make your move. "Gimme my chocolate milk, bitch."

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2016/05/11
Blog

Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML

by Chin... uh.... / 05/10/2016 at 6:42pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

fushengyuan's comment : FREEEDOM!!!!!

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Today, I surprise-visited my uncle after not seeing him for 4 years because of college. When he opened the door to his house, he was wearing Crocs. Of course, that would have been completely fine if it weren't for the fact that they were the only thing he was wearing. FML

by Scarred Nephew / 05/10/2016 at 6:28pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wanted to be nice to my boyfriend and buy him a cake. Not only did I drop it in the bus, when I got home I forgot that I'd put it on my bed, and sat on it. FML

by MJensen / 05/10/2016 at 5:57pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

Today, the canteen of the company I work for introduced a cash-less payment method to purchase food. To use it, employees must download the app, which is only available for iPhones. I have a BlackBerry. FML

by Katyness / 05/10/2016 at 4:20pm / United Kingdom / Work

MetalxSoldier's comment : If you get hungry you could always eat your blackberry. *waits for downvotes*

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Today, at Toronto airport, the customs officer checked my passport, then called his colleagues to confirm whether my country, Madagascar, really existed or not. Then, he took a picture of himself with me so he could show his kids that people actually live in their favorite cartoon’s country. FML

by nomade319 / 05/15/2013 at 10:57pm / Canada (Manitoba)

Today, is my high school graduation. Last night I read online that you can use apple cider vinegar to help with head dandruff, so I tried it out. Now, no matter how much product or perfume I use, I still smell like a giant walking fart. My graduation is in a couple of hours. FML

by cass / 05/10/2016 at 2:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML

by queen_lol / 05/10/2016 at 1:14pm / United States / Love

Today, while I have never been able to say my dog ate my homework, I do get to call several people and tell them my dog ate my wallet. He even chewed up my driver's license. FML

by Hesjustapuppy / 05/10/2016 at 8:56am / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, my dad and stepmom came back from a very expensive two-month trip across the world. When they got home, they had more gifts for their cat than for me. FML

by Oreo / 05/10/2016 at 4:58am / Miscellaneous