Today, my extremely racist coworker was doing his usual thing. Since it was 9/11 he went absolutely hardcore on his "jokes" so I reported it to my supervisor. She asked what did he say specifically and I recited it to her. She decided to write me up for "making inappropriate comments at work". FML

by epicgamer / 09/12/2016 at 10:55pm / United States (California) / Work

RinoaHeartilly's comment : No, no, no. You need to take this higher up and fight this. Tell them what really happened.

See all the comments

Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2016 at 10:51pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

tayyymeds's comment : I want a follow up just to make sure OP is alive...

See all the comments

Today, I decided to take some local college courses to improve my résumé. I got into the physics room and a large, multi-colored sign in large print stated, "NO THROWING OR STABBING." FML

by Evjoel / 09/12/2016 at 6:52am / Bermuda (Hamilton) / Work

Today, my dandruff got so bad that when I sneezed on the bus, it created a "blizzard" of dandruff, covering me, and two others in it. I'm now known as "Winter Wonderland". FML

by Walking in a Winter Wonderland / 09/12/2016 at 6:51am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I accidentally mooed during sex. FML

by harambae / 09/11/2016 at 1:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

bigbagofnope's comment : did your partner give you any beef about it?

See all the comments

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

by BadKitty / 09/11/2016 at 9:37am / Australia (Tasmania) / Animals

Today, I placed sticky mouse traps in my bedroom. it's now 12:05 a.m. and I've successfully caught a mouse. Too bad I'm scared of them and my husband is passed out asleep. I now get to listen to a mouse squeak all night and have to be up in 4 hours. FML.

by MouseLover.. / 09/30/2016 at 12:06am / United States / Animals

thebigtwinkie's comment about their FML

Today, a guy tried to pick me up with the line, "You're ugly. Just kidding. You're my date." FML

by thebigtwinkie / 09/10/2014 at 3:52am / Romania (Bucuresti)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.


After thinking for a bit, I eventually thought he was kind of cute even though the line was absolutely awful, but he had good intentions so I faked a ...
See all the comments
See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my mom told me I should playing "Outside." The graphics are amazing, but the controls don't work no matter how many buttons I push. FML

On 09/30/2016 at 8:08am
© DR

Today, I found out my brand new $3,000 mattress that is supposed to relieve my back pain works amazingly. I only discovered this because my wife, son, daughter, dog, and two cats are all asleep on it and not waking up. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2016 at 1:53am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

by DreeStahr / 09/30/2016 at 12:05am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my father has been saving money to help me buy my first car. In the same conversation, I found out my mother, unbeknownst to my dad, used nearly all of the money to bail my drunken, deadbeat uncle out of jail for the 4th time a month ago. He is now back in prison. FML

by fox_at_heart / 09/29/2016 at 10:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, I was on an adult-orientated website when my mother entered the room. I closed the webpage as fast as I could by clicking everywhere. I discovered later that, while panicking, I clicked on “share on Facebook”. FML

by Deathrace / 05/17/2011 at 9:08am / India (Delhi)