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Today, my husband jolted in bed and while still half-asleep said, "I had a nightmare; I dreamt we had a kid." I'm 8 months pregnant. FML

#21232311
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39574) - you deserved it (3115) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/08/2014 at 12:27am - kids - by mamagelmane (woman) - France (Lorraine)

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML

#21231691
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26279) - you deserved it (37870)

On 08/07/2014 at 11:36am - health - by Dancing King (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

ThatEngineerGirl's comment : It's awesome that you're going to the gym with your girlfriend. It's a great couples thing to do, even if the first trip was a little embarrassing for you. :)

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Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

#21231545
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43106) - you deserved it (3811)

On 08/07/2014 at 5:09am - intimacy - by failallday (man) - Australia (Queensland)

CliffyB03's comment : I think I would be more disgusted with the used condoms hitting my face, but that's just me

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Today, I managed to get a €5 note tangled in the zip on my purse. I couldn't open it without ripping it to shreds. FML

#21231531
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33347) - you deserved it (4581)

On 08/07/2014 at 4:23am - money - by MoMoneyMoProblems (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I stopped two little boys from spitting over a railing at the piano player two floors below in the department store I work at. Their mom complained to my boss about me. FML

#21231280
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38529) - you deserved it (2561)

On 08/06/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by spitstopper - United States (Alabama)

Today, at work in a library, I found a dirty diaper stuffed under one of the public use computer desks. Not only was it leaking, but it had been run over several times by a rolling office chair. I had to clean it up. FML

#21231175
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36841) - you deserved it (2305)

On 08/06/2014 at 7:33pm - work - by TzarErik (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

#21231132
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37622) - you deserved it (2585)

On 08/06/2014 at 6:18pm - kids - by whymyroomthough (woman) - United States (California)

ohhhsnapple's comment : Quite the role model! Pee in his shampoo. XD

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Today, I paid $325 to have the vet tell me that my 19-year-old cat ISN'T dying, she just had anxiety shits because we were gone on vacation for so long. FML

#21231104
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34241) - you deserved it (5553)

On 08/06/2014 at 5:35pm - animals - by chynna (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML

#21231087
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32562) - you deserved it (5521)

On 08/06/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by poolfail -

Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML

#21230924
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39436) - you deserved it (3597)

On 08/06/2014 at 12:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I wore a tank top for the first time in a few years. It turned out even worse than the last time. I got insulted by several people over my "Never say never" upper chest tattoo, which I got years ago, before the words ever became associated with a certain douchy Canadian pop "singer". FML

#21230914
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42079) - you deserved it (9129)

On 08/06/2014 at 12:45pm - misc - by beaverfever (man) - Poland (Zachodniopomorskie)

Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML

#21230826
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35805) - you deserved it (3834)

On 08/06/2014 at 9:34am - animals - by Baustigt - Australia

Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML

#21230823
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39555) - you deserved it (3235)

On 08/06/2014 at 9:21am - kids - by We raised that fool (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)



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