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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I have spent so much time watching Scooby Doo with my son that I actually used the word "zoinks". FML

#21352876
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25658) - you deserved it (4856)

On 02/09/2015 at 6:07pm - kids - by brazo667 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

#21352870
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24600) - you deserved it (9435)

On 02/09/2015 at 5:58pm - work - by tirf -

gracehi's comment : "Your failure pleases me. Mwa ha ha!"

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Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

#21352803
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31230) - you deserved it (3744)

On 02/09/2015 at 3:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Welshite's comment : Hopefully she doesn't have a Get Out of Jail Free card. Who knows what she's capable of.

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Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

#21352647
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35398) - you deserved it (2782)

On 02/09/2015 at 9:53am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

iAlissa's comment : It saddens me that actual loyalty seems so hard to come by now.

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Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML

#21352626
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33655) - you deserved it (3483)

On 02/09/2015 at 8:32am - intimacy - by myself - United States

Today, my bed fell through my floor. With me on it. FML

#21352624
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34097) - you deserved it (3038)

On 02/09/2015 at 8:26am - misc - by wtf?? - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right into my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML

#21352523
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36733) - you deserved it (2070)

On 02/09/2015 at 1:23am - health - by wellalrightythen - United States (Indiana)

Today, my mom asked my siblings and me for help cleaning the kitchen. After working for a half hour while all my siblings sat on the couch, I pointed out that I was the only one working. My mom thanked my siblings for not having attitudes like mine and sent me to my room. FML

#21352465
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34303) - you deserved it (2688)

On 02/08/2015 at 11:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my date bumped into her ex-husband, who decided to join us for the rest of the dinner. FML

#21352274
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32947) - you deserved it (2375)

On 02/08/2015 at 7:19pm - love - by jimmy_poison - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, my mother called me, telling me how disappointed she was at how I let my room "become such a pigsty." I haven't lived there in three years. FML

#21352213
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28764) - you deserved it (1902)

On 02/08/2015 at 5:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML

#21352130
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27362) - you deserved it (3942)

On 02/08/2015 at 2:46pm - health - by walllflower - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

#21352119
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43261) - you deserved it (2978)

On 02/08/2015 at 2:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

#21352091
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34245) - you deserved it (2603)

On 02/08/2015 at 1:28pm - misc - by sorry :/ - United States (New Jersey)



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