Today, after months of patiently trying to help my girlfriend deal with her anger issues, she dumped me in a blind rage for sneezing. FML

by never dip the wick in crazy / 04/15/2016 at 3:00pm / Romania / Love

bheaze's comment : To be honest, sounds like you dodged a bullet with that one.

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Today, I finally had to accept that I have feelings for a very cute and funny guy. It wouldn't be so bad if he weren't my brother. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2016 at 1:56pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

MiaTheMartian's comment : *looks at state* yep

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Today, my wallet got stolen. I had a bunch of cash, my SS card and my license in it. Now I have to replace everything, only to have to renew my license again when I turn 21 in June. FML

by pissedandpoor / 04/15/2016 at 1:50pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

bella_nana347's comment : Who carries their social security card in their wallet? That's just dumb man

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Today, I tried to power through work on a construction site after a couple of sick days. I can't do anything without constantly sucking on cough drops. And it turns out that excessive consumption of cough drops can have a laxative effect. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2016 at 1:06pm / United States / Work

Today, as I was stretching, I realized my hand can reach all the way up to touch the fan, when it was on, and going full speed. FML

by numb fingers / 04/15/2016 at 1:54am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML

by Hairy Cheek / 04/15/2016 at 12:27am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I came to class, prepared with my notes for the debate we were having today. My teacher then told me that I would be representing the opposite side I chose, despite her saying we could choose our own sides. This happened minutes before the debate started, and my notes were useless. FML

Today, after working like a caffeine-fuelled thunderstorm for 9 hours straight on an art project, my 2 friends informed me that it was due next week. I slept for 10 hours, and then went to my class without my project, thinking I lucked out in the long run. Clearly not, as it was due today. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2016 at 8:12pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was hauling cow shit. I had a car following me very closely, so I turned on the spreader to get them to back off. It was a cop. I got pulled over in a tractor for spraying cow shit on a cop car. FML

by farmingman / 04/14/2016 at 7:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, on a train, a little boy and girl come up to me and ask how babies are made. Already pretty uncomfortable with their question, their mother suddenly appears and says, "Go on, tell them!" FML

by Anthony / 04/14/2016 at 7:15pm / France / Intimacy

Today, I shattered my iPhone screen. Pieces of glass are chipping out and can easily slice up any idiot who slides their finger across the screen. Unfortunately, I was that idiot. There's blood in the cracks of my screen. FML

by Anon / 04/14/2016 at 6:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, we had a surprise test at school. I was totally unprepared for any of it, so I BSd the whole thing and turned it in. A few minutes later, our teacher said we were allowed to use our notes to finish the test. FML

by me / 04/14/2016 at 1:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to spend a long bus ride with my chest pressed against the window, because some mammoth of a woman decided to squeeze her double wide ass into my seat. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2016 at 1:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous