Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, the strange cat that has adopted me inexplicably made its way into my house and curled up next to my head while I slept. I'm horribly allergic. FML

by anonymous / 06/06/2016 at 12:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Animals

robsmit98's comment : And here i am, closing the door of my room for 2 minutes to force my cat to love me.

See all the comments

Today, I set my phone down at work in the back while I helped a customer. When I came back it was gone. It took me twenty minutes to find, duct taped to the ceiling. FML

by oh no / 06/06/2016 at 11:45am / United States (New York) / Work

StormfrontX33's comment : I've heard about phones having cloud services, but that's just ridiculous.

See all the comments

Today, I noticed I'd lost my wedding ring after returning home from a long, tiring day of painting our newly purchased home. After driving back and forth to the house for more than an hour to go looking for it, I found it tucked away in my back pocket. FML

by Ansharus / 06/06/2016 at 9:47am / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Miscellaneous

Today, I’m on a mission in Africa. My company driver is so old, deaf and half blind that I have to scream what is written on all the road signs at him, and tell him to which way to turn… so he can point the car in that general direction and hope for the best. FML

by Anonyme / 09/19/2010 at 12:44am / Algeria

Today, I practiced my drum playing in the garage instead of my room out of consideration for my neighbors. Guess the consideration wasn't mutual, because one of my neighbors just shot a hole in one of my drums with an air gun. FML

by drummerboy / 06/06/2016 at 8:17am / United States / Miscellaneous

potatocouch's comment : I think the best solution is to shoot back and see where it hits.

See all the comments

Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML

by Fido / 06/06/2016 at 7:58am / United States / Kids

Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best friend, and insisted we have him over to dinner. Tom is a slug. FML

by spadesmollusques / 06/06/2016 at 1:13am / France (Alsace) / Kids

Today, for the first time ever, one of my birthday wishes came true. I wished for my crush to come hang out with me, and she did. I wasted my birthday wish on an awkward silence. FML

by Anonymous / 06/06/2016 at 12:57am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I decided to get back in shape so I went swimming. I only managed 10 lengths and was completely out of breath. I was so embarrassed that when a lifeguard asked me if I was OK, I made up a story about a leg injury as a reason to leave only 15 minutes after I got in. FML

by fat teen / 06/05/2016 at 7:33pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Health

Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2-month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk when they make a noise. My fridge stated beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, 'It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright.' FML

by Babyhazy / 06/05/2016 at 5:52pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet. It’s just a pity that Google is banned in China. FML

by bleroh / 03/04/2013 at 6:04am / China

Today, a customer at work was having hiccups, so I suggest that she should try to hold her breath for a while. Ten minutes later, she's talking to my manager about how I wanted her to "kill myself because of my severe medical condition". FML

by really / 06/05/2016 at 5:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

by Scammed / 06/05/2016 at 2:26pm / Mexico (Baja California) / Money