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Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

#21327404
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26582) - you deserved it (15565)

On 12/30/2014 at 8:39pm - work - by smooth - United States

Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML

#21327341
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23272) - you deserved it (4165)

On 12/30/2014 at 6:47pm - health - by insomniacap (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I called asking about a job I interviewed for 3 weeks ago. It's a scummy call center where known drug addicts work. They told me I wasn't getting the job. I guess my high school diploma and being drug-free makes me not good enough to work there. FML

Today, after we had sex, my boyfriend told me how my orgasms used to make him think I was having a seizure. FML

#21327166
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26988) - you deserved it (3239)

On 12/30/2014 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by GladYoureConcerned (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I decided to start jogging and exercising, so I had a wonderful workout before work. Then I broke my foot at work. Goodbye exercising. FML

#21327143
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25153) - you deserved it (2091)

On 12/30/2014 at 12:24pm - health - by mikki bee - United States (Nevada)

Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML

#21327005
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26232) - you deserved it (2505)

On 12/30/2014 at 4:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, our band had a road trip. Two people chose to stack themselves on top of each other to share a seat rather than sit in the last seat next to me. FML

#21326846
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27286) - you deserved it (2749)

On 12/29/2014 at 11:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Thinkitthrough's comment : Sounds like you have room for your stuff and you can even relax and be comfortable :)

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Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML

#21326870
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27282) - you deserved it (2498)

On 12/29/2014 at 11:17pm - animals - by woofwoof - Turkey (Izmir)

Today, I had to deal with numerous complaints about an employee washing their genitals in the communal bathroom sink. Nothing in the HR manual prepared me for this. FML

Today, on my first ski run down a mountain, I dislocated my patella. Now I get to watch out of the window as my family builds a snowman and names it after me. FML

#21326721
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24428) - you deserved it (2043)

On 12/29/2014 at 8:07pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I set up a profile on a dating app, stating that I'm awkward amongst other things. Within minutes, a guy messaged me. I was thrilled, until he started threatening me because he has Aspergers, and according to him, only they are "allowed" to be awkward. I had to delete my profile. FML

#21326703
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25772) - you deserved it (2542)

On 12/29/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by happytuckerhappy (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Futacy's comment : In times like this, the "block" button is your best friend. As well as the "report" button, and also the occasional police call or restraining order if it ever comes down to that.

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Today, my wife started a 24 hour urine collection as directed by the doctor for her pregnancy. She has to collect the urine in a gallon jug, and refrigerate it. At lunch time, I went to go get the rest of my sandwich but was unable to find it, until she suggested I "look under the piss jug." FML

crazykazy's comment : For a sec I thought the FML was going to be that you mistook it for lemonade or green tea and took a swig.

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Today, I slept on the plane ride home and had a scary nightmare. I started screaming in my dream, so loud that it shocked the old lady sitting next to me into screaming as well. The whole plane began laughing as we were both screaming. FML



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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