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Today, while going down on my boyfriend, I must have gotten a little too enthusiastic because I ripped my tongue's frenulum. We then awkwardly went into the bathroom. While he was washing the blood off his penis, I was hung over the toilet bowl puking because blood makes me woozy. FML

iAmPaul's comment : I don't even understand how you could manage to do that. Did he have piercings on it?

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Today, I asked my classmate to look over my essay. His comments were longer than the essay itself. FML

#21398217
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24484) - you deserved it (4973)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:53pm - misc - by englishornah (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to explain to my 23-year-old female friend that when I get my hysterectomy, I will still be able to poop. FML

#21398063
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23658) - you deserved it (1836)

On 04/22/2015 at 5:46pm - health - by biomajor99 - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that before you tell a blonde joke, you should make sure that your high school's 6'8", 275-pound, blond quarterback isn't standing behind you. FML

abNormal62's comment : How many times did you have to explain the joke to him?

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Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML

#21397916
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29727) - you deserved it (2100)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:44am - work - by cock blocked (man) - United States (California)

MyDadLeftMeInKFC's comment : Just don't let him catch you trying to clean her filter.

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Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML

#21397904
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28503) - you deserved it (2452)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:06am - work - by -_- (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my religious girlfriend convinced me to let her take my virginity. A few hours later, she broke up with me, crying and saying I was going to hell for having sex before marriage. But apparently she isn't, and she can't be with someone who "tempts" her. FML

#21397889
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32526) - you deserved it (2826)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

#21397883
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41269) - you deserved it (2815)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

#21397872
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29923) - you deserved it (5226)

On 04/22/2015 at 9:39am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw a lady with a stroller in the park. She stopped at the water fountain and got a drink, then left without her baby. I ran to the stroller and started rolling it after her. Two grown men attacked me, accusing me of trying to steal said baby. Turns out it was a baby doll. FML

#21397871
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28596) - you deserved it (2125)

On 04/22/2015 at 9:31am - kids - by ireallylikecats - United States

Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML

#21397585
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29586) - you deserved it (3141)

On 04/21/2015 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by Notthatone (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, whilst in the last week of my notice period, I was instructed by my boss to tell six new employees that their jobs had fallen through before they'd even started. Later that afternoon, I received a call from my line manager. Guess whose own job has fallen through too. FML

#21397399
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26090) - you deserved it (1833)

On 04/21/2015 at 12:45pm - work - by Karma (woman) - United Kingdom (Newport)

Today, despite having a stomach bug, I went into work, as my boss is overseas and had warned me not to take any sick leave until she returned. After 4 hours and vomiting twice, I left. She found out and sent me an email bitching me out for coming in sick. FML

#21397382
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29093) - you deserved it (2533)

On 04/21/2015 at 11:40am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)



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Wednesday 20 May 2015

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