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Man or woman?

Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML

#21287196
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31011) - you deserved it (3306)

On 10/28/2014 at 7:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

AnOriginalName's comment : Eh. She can know that it's a vice and still be happy for others who choose not to partake. I don't see much wrong with this situation.

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Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

#21287120
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29393) - you deserved it (2180)

On 10/28/2014 at 5:58pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom with my husband, so I set up some Halloween torches to create a wild ambiance. Unfortunately our dickhead neighbours saw the glow, didn't remember that fire tends to give off smoke, and called the fire department on us. FML

#21287079
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31870) - you deserved it (6074)

On 10/28/2014 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by BurnedDown (woman) - United Kingdom (East Riding of Yorkshire)

extremereviews's comment : At least you know your neighbors care about you

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Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML

#21287010
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31842) - you deserved it (2906)

On 10/28/2014 at 2:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

s3kShUn47's comment : In front of multiple people? And you, nor anybody else said anything about it..?

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Today, I've been one year sober. My health has improved a lot, unlike my social life, which has died a horrible, lonely death. FML

#21286990
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30031) - you deserved it (4051)

On 10/28/2014 at 2:04pm - health - by not drunk (woman) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, I was getting a pedicure to cheer myself up. I've been so lonely, I got overly excited when someone sat next to me, because I got to pretend I had a friend. FML

#21286908
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31784) - you deserved it (3588)

On 10/28/2014 at 10:07am - misc - by bottombarrel - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boss asked about the mass of deep scratches on my arm. I lied and told him it happened while I was trying to save my cat from a tree. Truth is, my cat is a sadistic asshole who stalks me and mauls me whenever he can. FML

#21286814
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31371) - you deserved it (4962)

On 10/28/2014 at 3:40am - animals - by thewrittenrebel - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

#21286701
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23901) - you deserved it (31419)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:40pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

#21286665
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28654) - you deserved it (5025)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:00pm - health - by Discipl (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML

#21286497
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27616) - you deserved it (11562)

On 10/27/2014 at 7:05pm - health - by lady parts - United States (Illinois)

Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique mirror after discovering a stack of papers behind the back board. I finally got hold of one corner, and pulled out - a newspaper from 2007 and instructions for an IKEA bed. FML

#21286426
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26204) - you deserved it (4211)

On 10/27/2014 at 5:18pm - misc - by TukTuk (woman) - Germany (Sachsen)

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48764) - you deserved it (3462)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

#21286282
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34896) - you deserved it (2854)

On 10/27/2014 at 12:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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