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Today, my boyfriend's little sister told me she hates me. I thought she was just a jealous, whiny tard like most kids are, until she calmly walked over to the wall and headbutted it hard. She burst into tears, ran out of the room, and told my boyfriend I hit her. He believed her. FML

#21369365
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34870) - you deserved it (2867)

On 03/06/2015 at 3:44pm - kids - by single&alone (woman) - United States (Washington)

theperfectchild's comment : Demon child?

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Today, I saw my boss heading my way at work. He has a "no food in the office" policy, so I quickly scarfed down my pop-tart. I ended up choking on it so hard that I threw up. FML

#21369280
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23102) - you deserved it (17887)

On 03/06/2015 at 12:41pm - work - by f*ck (man) - Australia (South Australia)

theperfectchild's comment : Hopefully that's the only thing you've choked on at the office.

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Today, I had to sit and smile as a drunk lady ranted about how body hair on a woman is disgusting and unfeminine, then in the next breath say that only pedos like women who shave their vaginas. That's the last time I ever have dinner with my boyfriend's parents. FML

#21369265
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28160) - you deserved it (1922)

On 03/06/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

drayloon's comment : I think pedos prefer women who can't shave their vagina yet...

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Today, my mom found out I'm failing three classes. Now she won't let me go to a convention I bought passes for weeks in advance. Each pass was $45, and I bought 2 more for my friends. You do the math on that, because I apparently can't. FML

#21369220
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16129) - you deserved it (41011)

On 03/06/2015 at 9:20am - misc - by Byepax (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at a music festival, some douche unzipped the back of my skirt, exposing my Ninja Turtle undies to everyone before running off. FML

#21369215
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30837) - you deserved it (4501)

On 03/06/2015 at 9:03am - misc - by no touching - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

#21369082
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3) - you deserved it (29)

On 03/06/2015 at 1:18am - health - by UncleMonkey (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

#21368964
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43193) - you deserved it (19537)

On 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML

#21368890
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35108) - you deserved it (2782)

On 03/05/2015 at 8:38pm - love - by Not Homeless - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

#21368886
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35629) - you deserved it (2404)

On 03/05/2015 at 8:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML

#21368848
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33219) - you deserved it (6767)

On 03/05/2015 at 7:25pm - misc - by Josh - United States (Missouri)

Today, during a meal out with my team and bosses, I wasn't drinking. The waiter complained, "If you're not ordering alcohol, how am I supposed to take advantage of you later?" I'm not sure what's worse, the rapey pre-dinner joke or the awkward silence as my colleagues looked on. FML

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

#21368822
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26129) - you deserved it (1)

On 03/05/2015 at 6:34pm - health - by bushwhacker (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

#21368771
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24173) - you deserved it (2087)

On 03/05/2015 at 5:34pm - misc - by Why? - United States (Colorado)



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