by Anonymous / 11/06/2016 at 11:31am / United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead) / Love
clickme's comment : WTF kind of 'best friend' is she?
Today, things were getting steamy with my boyfriend. For once, I tried to be more vocal to turn him on. After five minutes, he says, "Could you stop making animal noises, I feel like I’m fucking in a farmyard." FML
by ozzy / 11/06/2016 at 4:18am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I saw a photo on Facebook of all my best friends from high school together at a 50th birthday party I wasn't invited to. I knew the birthday guy for longer than any of them and introduced everyone in high school. They wouldn't even know him without me. FML
by scooterbyrd / 11/06/2016 at 1:08am / Miscellaneous
by isabellam0426 / 11/01/2016 at 10:55pm / Work
Today, my boss bitched me out for a customer complaint. The complaint was me not laughing at the customer's joke of me asking for his ID and him saying no. I'm sorry, I've been getting this joke a least twice a day since I started working here two years ago. FML
Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML
by 2in longer / 11/01/2016 at 8:57am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Welshite's comment : OP: "Oh my manhood! My womb raider! My baby-maker custard launcher!" Girlfriend: "It's a penis."
Today, I was feeling stressed about some upcoming exams, so I went on a nice relaxing nature walk through the nearby bushland. I slipped off a rock and landed in knee-deep mud that claimed my shoe when I pulled my leg free. I'm even more stressed now. FML
by fukinnature / 11/01/2016 at 3:27am / Miscellaneous
Today, after having surgery and told not to have sex for two weeks, I've been begging my boyfriend to allow me to give him a blowjob, trying to be nice. He doesn't want to because he can't reciprocate. Not only has not having sex drove me insane, so is not being able to touch my boyfriend. FML
by Anonymous / 11/01/2016 at 2:25am / United States / Intimacy
loxe's comment : FYL, indeed. Having such a caring boyfriend must be awful. Next he'll want to make you dinner or something; break up with him before it happens!
by umm...no / 10/31/2016 at 10:33am / United States (Texas) / Work
by Boobs McGee / 10/30/2016 at 10:48pm / Transportation
by Myorafield / 10/26/2016 at 2:42am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…