Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me via a Whatsapp group. FML

by mkonda / 09/10/2016 at 1:11pm / India / Love

Today, I was making a shake at work when the cup fell off the blender. I went to catch it, and instead caught the teeth of the still-spinning mixer. When my hand was still bleeding five minutes later, my supervisor told me to clock out until it stopped. I lost money for getting hurt on the job. FML

by TexasGirl24 / 09/10/2016 at 8:51am / United States (Texas) / Work

StormfrontX33's comment : There's something called workers comp. They legally have to pay for your injury since you got hurt on the property. Know your rights.

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Today, my best friend texted me and told me she broke up with her boyfriend. Trying to be supportive, I sent a long message about how he never deserved her and that I was there for her if she needed someone to vent to. She replied, "Are you high?" FML

by indefiniteforest / 09/10/2016 at 12:11am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog kept barking at the door, and I jokingly shouted, "Language!" My mom heard and grounded me for yelling at the dog. FML

by gothchick201013 / 09/09/2016 at 2:43pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, after a month at my new job, my boss fired me because I didn't have enough experience. She hired me with full knowledge of this fact. FML

by jobless / 09/08/2016 at 2:18pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my co-worker, who used to be in a frat with me in college, decided to tell all my coworkers as well as my boss all the stupid things I did in college, starting with the time a girl stole my clothes and I had to walk across campus naked. FML

by fretting / 09/08/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (Florida) / Work

cacheson's comment : You should turn it into a sharing party by telling them stories yourself and ask who else has fun stupid stories. Maybe that will deflate the situation.

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Today, I was working out with the guy I like when he spilled his water bottle. I went to clean up the spill, bashed my face into the weight bar, which broke my nose. FML

by Clumsy / 09/08/2016 at 8:06am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I found the dog I lost while I was dog sitting. It was with its new adoptive family. FML

by mista hunna / 09/08/2016 at 1:31am / United States (Maryland) / Animals

AC98's comment : One job, op. One job.

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Today, after years in a relationship I realized that my partner does not like the music I listen to, the food I cook, the pictures I take, the way I dress. The only thing she likes is when I take her out to eat. FML

by mymidlifecrisis / 09/08/2016 at 12:53am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

by limegreenpoopie / 09/06/2016 at 9:38am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, at my new job, I realized I have been spending too much time with just my cat. As I passed some coworkers in the hall, I nodded and gave them the "slow blink of trust" that is used with cats. FML

by CoA / 09/06/2016 at 7:40am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML

by KayKay / 09/23/2016 at 2:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I found out after a lot of panic and a visit to the gynecologist that the lump in my vagina isn't cancer. I was just constipated. FML

by stoolgal / 09/23/2016 at 2:19am / United States (Oklahoma) / Health