Today, I had to calm down an angry customer who claimed one of my employees had "traumatized" her dog. Apparently her dog is really OCD and my employee didn't line up the dog bed at the right angle. She threatened to report us to the BBB. How do these morons even exist? FML

by dumbfounded / 05/08/2016 at 8:14am / United States (California) / Work

ThePerry's comment : Please ask her to define OCD to the supervisor, and when she can't even say what the disorder means it will severely help your case.

See all the comments

Today, I've been single for so long, I got butterflies when I went on a date. A date with a character in Grand Theft Auto. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2016 at 6:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, my daughter asked me to take her to Victoria's Secret so I could buy her some "sexy clothes". She's 9. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2016 at 4:42am / Kids

ilikecheesefries's comment : When I was 9 I was excited I had underwear with the days of the week on them. Times sure have changed!

See all the comments

Today, my phone provider informed me that I had 12 messages waiting for me on my voicemail. Happy to have friends, I listened with a smile. All of them were from my mother. FML

by Louna / 03/04/2008 at 6:08pm

Today, I tried to fix my wife's brakes and change her oil before I worked on my truck. Seven hours later both vehicles are unusable. FML

ADOG2645's comment : YDI, Why the hell would you attempt to fix the cars if you clearly had no idea what you were doing?

See all the comments

Today, my wife wanted to have a threesome. During our honeymoon. With the maid of honor. I didn't sign up for this. FML

by JustMarried / 05/07/2016 at 5:47pm / Ukraine / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend came home from a two week vacation and told me I need to move. FML

by krisest1988 / 05/07/2016 at 5:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, just before going into an test, I broke my glasses on the way to the exam room. I'm short sighted, and I spent an hour with my nose glued to the paper trying to figure out what was written on it. It was a opthalmology exam. FML

by la taupe temporaire / 03/04/2008 at 12:26pm

Today, I'm getting a medical scan, so I had to drink a barium shake for breakfast. It was so disgusting that I puked it back up. Now I have to drink another one. FML

by 1942Ford / 05/07/2016 at 10:08am / United States (California) / Health

Today, while playing golf, someone broke my nose. The clubhouse calls an ambulance, and I go to hospital. I call my girlfriend to come and pick me up downstairs; she runs over my foot with her car. FML

by Thanderska / 03/03/2008 at 8:02pm

Today, like any other day I moan after I sneeze. The only issue is that today my husband was on the phone with his grandmother, and had to explain to her, while trying not to laugh, that he wasn't having sex with me while on the phone. FML

Today, a woman rear-ended my car. She's trying to sue me for 'emotional damage'. FML

by jameen / 05/07/2016 at 7:48am / United Kingdom (West Berkshire) / Intimacy

Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my car. FML

by Smile / 03/03/2008 at 12:04am