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Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49010) - you deserved it (21193)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Dragon9597's comment : That is amazing, and terrible at the same time.

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Today, upon arriving at a town festival, I was immediately singled out by a rent-a-cop. He began questioning if I had been drinking, saying he smelt it on my breath. He smelt his own breath. FML

#21227846
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35555) - you deserved it (2549)

On 08/02/2014 at 7:44pm - misc - by porkabye (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I managed to not laugh as a potential high-profile Italian client with a heavy accent repeatedly pronounced "sheet metal" as "shit metal". Unfortunately, my boss and a senior colleague couldn't contain their own laughter. We lost that deal, and our jobs are now endangered. FML

#21227795
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37322) - you deserved it (4263)

On 08/02/2014 at 6:37pm - work - by Shitmetalseller (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

SpreadTHEKILLER's comment : Well "Sheet"

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Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

#21227320
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42076) - you deserved it (3368)

On 08/02/2014 at 1:35am - love - by bertiebeth - Australia (New South Wales)

FMLkoala's comment : I guess he'll be seeing only one type of breast from now on.

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Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

#21227229
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53593) - you deserved it (5452)

On 08/02/2014 at 12:00am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was rejected by a company I applied to. When I was writing my application, I spent so much time on their website researching that the ads on my browser are almost all for their products. It's like getting rejected again with every click. FML

#21227193
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33600) - you deserved it (3428)

On 08/01/2014 at 11:23pm - work - by heartfelt - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

#21227114
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43150) - you deserved it (7009)

On 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by WickedRene (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said "There's my daughter..." He then turned it to me and said "...and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML

#21227050
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37273) - you deserved it (3252)

On 08/01/2014 at 8:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I won a big raffle. However, my name is so ridiculous-sounding that they thought someone was playing a prank, and pulled a different ticket. I was too embarrassed to say anything. FML

#21227005
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39042) - you deserved it (10753)

On 08/01/2014 at 7:10pm - misc - by infortunatename - United States (California)

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

#21226986
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32199) - you deserved it (15523)

On 08/01/2014 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

#21226906
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33795) - you deserved it (22468)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I confided to my grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too, but that he'd cured himself in the end, namely by committing suicide. Thanks, grandma, thanks. FML

#21226890
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39324) - you deserved it (3550)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:09pm - health - by lacieQ (woman) - Canada

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

#21226819
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52348) - you deserved it (3626)

On 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)



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