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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my date bumped into her ex-husband, who decided to join us for the rest of the dinner. FML

#21352274
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32955) - you deserved it (2374)

On 02/08/2015 at 7:19pm - love - by jimmy_poison - New Zealand (Waikato)

flopstar's comment : You should have reminded her he's an EX husband for a reason..

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Today, my mother called me, telling me how disappointed she was at how I let my room "become such a pigsty." I haven't lived there in three years. FML

#21352213
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28768) - you deserved it (1902)

On 02/08/2015 at 5:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML

#21352130
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27364) - you deserved it (3943)

On 02/08/2015 at 2:46pm - health - by walllflower - Canada (Ontario)

henrylikestreats's comment : I'm just trying to figure out how you got cornered in a forest...

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Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

#21352119
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43281) - you deserved it (2978)

On 02/08/2015 at 2:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Welshite's comment : I still call it duck tape because I use it to tape the mouths of quacking idiots like that guy. What a bird brain.

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Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

#21352091
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34250) - you deserved it (2604)

On 02/08/2015 at 1:28pm - misc - by sorry :/ - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML

#21352037
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33896) - you deserved it (2286)

On 02/08/2015 at 11:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I figured out how my birth control works. If you're on your period for four months straight you can't have sex, so you won't be pregnant. FML

#21351947
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33549) - you deserved it (3408)

On 02/08/2015 at 5:26am - health - by irwingiggles (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

#21351917
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30820) - you deserved it (3060)

On 02/08/2015 at 3:35am - animals - by OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my pet lizard eating my other pet lizard. FML

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML

#21351571
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43089) - you deserved it (2741)

On 02/07/2015 at 4:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my sister tried to convince me to go to a plastic surgeon, because "Bitchface Syndrome's no joke." FML

#21351489
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28748) - you deserved it (3394)

On 02/07/2015 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wirral)

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

#21351411
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27274) - you deserved it (6167)

On 02/07/2015 at 9:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

#21351395
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28751) - you deserved it (3061)

On 02/07/2015 at 7:52am - misc - by gali-ma (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

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