Today, I confronted my very passive-aggressive roommate about taking out the trash. With a smug smile, she insisted that I should write her a letter if I want to argue. FML

by Upfront / 04/06/2016 at 1:19am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

MrPortalFan's comment : Dump all the trash in her room and leave a letter "You're with your people now"

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Today, I met my neighbor. When she saw me cutting down trees on my lot, she interrogated me and called the police because she didn't believe I owned the property. She didn't call the cops when she watched someone steal a cord of wood from my property two days ago. FML

by nothingtoseeherejuststealingtrees / 04/05/2016 at 4:31pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

thatkid00117's comment : I s'pose she got a stick up her ass

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Today, I forgot an important book for school, because I dreamt that I was putting it in my bag. My brain somehow classified it as reality. This isn't the first time my dreams have trolled me. FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2016 at 4:13pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to fix a stapler, but it turns out it wasn't broken at all. It wouldn't staple a small stack of papers but had no trouble stapling through my finger. FML

by tatertotes13 / 04/05/2016 at 1:37pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

wheresmymary's comment : That's why we don't test out staplers on our fingers

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Today, I was drunk and sent my friend a picture of my penis. He edited the picture and put hands and sunglasses on it before sending it to practically everyone I know. FML

Today, our office had a mock audit before the real thing. I got warning note for not maintaining proper databases for last year's activities. I only joined a few months ago. FML

by stuckass / 04/05/2016 at 5:02am / Pakistan / Work

Today, I tried a DIY face mask that involved using turmeric spice. After keeping it on for 20 minutes, I tried washing it off, but I couldn't get rid of the orange residue it had left behind. Guess who's going to work tomorrow looking like an Oompa Loompa. FML

by Oliveisthenewora / 04/05/2016 at 1:55am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was let go from an unpaid internship. The reasons cited was that I seemed unhappy at work. No, that's just my face. FML

by myworstday / 04/04/2016 at 9:36pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, my boss and I were bragging about our new phones. I unlocked mine to show its awesome display, and accidentally opened a job search app. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2016 at 6:46pm / Switzerland / Work

Today, I met a cute girl. She seemed really sweet and I was heartbroken to find out that she had fallen on hard times and was living in a shelter. I asked her if I could take her out to lunch. She said, "No." I can't even get a date with a homeless girl. FML

by foreverAlone / 04/04/2016 at 3:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I asked a girl to prom by having 5 friends hold up signs saying "P-R-O-M-?" while I snuck up behind her. She said yes... to my friend holding the "?", who she thought was the one asking her. FML

by promposer / 04/04/2016 at 2:55pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my electric razor broke down during shaving. So now I have a face which is shaved on the right hand side and has a beard on the left. I don't own blades, so I'll have to go to work looking like this. FML

Today, I found out my mother drives my car. I was okay with it; I don't use it all the time and she's my mother. However, I was not okay with the multiple speeding tickets that came through in the post. "You're the registered keeper, so why should I pay?" FML

by NowBroke / 04/04/2016 at 5:38am / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Transportation