Today, I got my own row on an almost full transatlantic flight. All it took was having food poisoning two hours into the flight. FML

by meish / 06/05/2016 at 9:16am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I was on a long roadtrip with my son. My son said he has to pee to which I answered he had to wait till I can stop the car. He started counting backwards from 10. I couldn't stop in time. FML

by Carnage23 / 06/05/2016 at 8:38am / Germany (Hessen) / Kids

cdiem's comment : How old is he?

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Today, I gave my dad $40 and asked him if he can get me lunch on his way back home. Long story short he came back empty handed telling me it was my fault for trusting him with McNuggets. FML

by Dmessmer1 / 06/05/2016 at 4:37am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

NYGiants1925's comment : $40 for McDonald's!?

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Today, my best friend since first grade, who I've been in love with for years and finally hooked up with last week, asked me for advice. He wanted to know if he should start a long distance relationship with a girl he hooked up with last night. FML

by BG1059 / 06/04/2016 at 10:19pm / United States (Texas) / Love

almost_there44's comment : I don't know why people say they're in love with someone they haven't been with. Infatuation or lust maybe? Anyways OP, hooking up with him probably wasn't the best idea if you wanted a long term relationship. Maybe talking to him about how you feel would have been better. Since you're his friend, support him, he trusts you.

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Today, I was added to a random group chat. They were planning to film a porno and each member sent a nude. They were all grannies. FML

by PumaGator / 06/04/2016 at 4:39pm / Intimacy

Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML

by lyinginbed / 06/04/2016 at 3:45pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmothers items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML

by Joey / 06/04/2016 at 2:52pm / United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East) / Love

Today, I caught my "best friend" on my laptop, copying my girlfriend's nudes onto his flash drive. FML

by hb1 / 06/04/2016 at 2:15pm / United Kingdom (Redcar and Cleveland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried having some girl time with my mom so I could sneakily figure out what to get her for her birthday. All I could think of in the end was a time machine, after her rant about wishing she'd gotten her tubes tied rather than going through the stress of raising me and my sister. FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2016 at 10:52am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to rush my son to the ER after he ate a poisonous plant. He said the plant looked like one in Skyrim and he thought he'd get super powers from eating it. FML

by slim_breezy / 06/04/2016 at 3:41am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my car broke down. The good news is I can afford to have it fixed. The bad news is paying for the fix will wipe out my savings, which I need to get certified for a non-minimum-wage job. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2016 at 11:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I was standing on the patio when one of my upstairs neighbors threw a cigarette butt over the balcony. It landed on my head and burned some of my hair. FML

by RingofFire / 06/03/2016 at 7:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML

by Reeen / 06/03/2016 at 6:29pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love