by Anonymous / 07/29/2016 at 4:33pm / Miscellaneous
Tripartita's comment : This sounds like the worst superhero origin story. Like, you could be Spider-Man's terrible sidekick, Mosquito-Balls. Your catchphrase would be "My balls itch, so trouble must be a-buzzing!"
by Anonymous / 07/29/2016 at 3:30pm / United States / Money
Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML
by Toroka / 07/29/2016 at 2:59pm / Love
Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML
deathstroke990's comment : the real question is, why tf would you mention a porn stars name while playing that game with your family? ?????
Today, I've owned my dream car for 11 days. Someone backed into it while it parked at work, and drove away without leaving a note. A man at a nearby business knows who did it but won't tell me because it was one of his customers. FML
by icefly / 07/29/2016 at 11:39am / United States (Florida) / Transportation
powaaah77's comment : Get the cops involved. The business owner will have to give away who hit your car as he would otherwise be charged with obstruction of justice for withholding important information about a crime.
Today, my first day on the job, I locked up the office after everyone left and set the alarm. An hour later, my new boss angrily emailed me that I locked him inside the building, setting off the alarm and prompting the entire police department to show up. FML
by mrsimintrouble / 07/29/2016 at 2:01am / United States (California) / Work
by Sarah-D / 07/29/2016 at 1:31am / Transportation
by someonesometime / 07/29/2016 at 12:14am / United States (Montana) / Work
Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML
by Yocherrypicker / 07/28/2016 at 9:04pm / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my last day working at my company. The whole staff was summoned to a meeting, but I didn't see the point of going, so I left discreetly. I “discreetly” missed the surprise party that my colleagues had organized for me. FML
Today, my girlfriend started insulting me on Facebook. Angry and hurt, I let it all out and insulted her back with her obesity. Turns out it was her brother who used her account to play a "prank" on me. FML