Today, I found out that I was never actually enrolled in the class I've been attending all semester. I guess that explains why I only got $400 dollars in student aid, not the 1,200 they said I'd get. FML

by graphite01 / 11/01/2016 at 12:08am / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today, I was at the local drive-thru with my boyfriend. While we were picking up the food, the asswipe at the window thought it hilarious to copy the scene from "American Beauty" and pretend that we were a couple and that I was cheating on him. My actual boyfriend believed it and won't talk to me. FML

by Carolyn Burnham / 10/23/2016 at 11:23am / Love

cheesyfeet2001's comment : Report then to their manager so they'll see how much they like losing something. Good luck with the relationship OP.

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Today, I got out of my bed and immediately stepped into a half-eaten bowl of cereal. FML

by cereal stepper / 10/23/2016 at 5:42am / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally stepped on a dead bee. The stinger was still intact. How do I know? It stung my foot. I'm allergic to bees. FML

by where's the epipen / 10/23/2016 at 2:41am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, my wife and I were born on the same day, married on our birthday date. Today is our birthday and anniversary, and today we are getting divorced. FML

by GlennGuagmire / 10/23/2016 at 2:23am / Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah) / Holidays

Welshite's comment : With a bit of cyanide, you could get your deaths to coincide too! Whole circle of life and all that.

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Today, I started a new job that was highly recommended by a worker there. The same coworker that is now making my life a living hell. FML

by Hellish / 10/21/2016 at 12:11am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I ran into an old friend at the store with my infant daughter. As we caught up, she assured me that I could get rid of all my baby weight from the pregnancy. If only I had actually been pregnant. My wife carried her and looks fantastic. FML

by Pudgymom / 10/20/2016 at 10:08pm / Health

1DisGR8's comment : Hey, you have a hot wife, a beautiful daughter, and a great life. It's not all bad. And I'm sure you're lovely too!

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Today, my customer complained to me that there were no scallops in her dish when it was "clearly stated on the menu." Finally, after she ran out of breath, I had to show her that the menu said scallions. She didn't understand, screamed at me and then walked out on her bill. FML

by purpletulip / 10/20/2016 at 9:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, after working my ass off for 2 months, receiving perfect reviews, and going out of my way to take on extra work to get a job offer from the location where I temp, I finally got an offer for a permanent position. Included in the offer was a $3.00 an hour pay cut and no insurance. FML

by temp / 10/20/2016 at 8:36pm / Work

Today, I found out that my uncle does not like my step daughter because she likes Star Wars. He stated that Star Trek was better and went on to verbally attack a 6-year-old. FML

by Sarge9774 / 10/20/2016 at 4:35pm / Kids

Today, my sister called my Native American friend a bigot for saying he had no problem with the name "Cleveland Indians". FML

by ok then / 10/31/2016 at 11:55am / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, a guy tried to buy me for a dollar. I've only been there a week and it's the third time it's happened. FML

by meh / 10/31/2016 at 11:43am / Work

Today, it's Halloween and my boss changed his mind at the last minute, telling us we're no longer allowed to carve pumpkins in our lunch hour because, "It would be too distracting". What are we supposed to do with 12 pumpkins now? FML

by nohalloweenforus / 10/31/2016 at 11:22am / Work