Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I am trying to get close to while we were at the bar. Music was playing, so I thought that while his attention was diverted I would sneak out a yawn. Just as I did so, the music went silent and I let out a tremendous burp. FML

#7351489
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21205) - you deserved it (7811)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:25am - love - by beriles (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I checked my Facebook notifications to see that someone likes my new single status. My ex. FML

#7351107
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27075) - you deserved it (5282)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:07am - love - by hesaidwhat - United States

Today, I used a public bathroom and set my motorcycle helmet on the sink while I used the urinal. The helmet rolled into the sink, under the faucet and set off the motion detector, soaking the inside. I drove 15 miles home in 30 degree weather with a wet helmet. FML

#7351038
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23342) - you deserved it (8719)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:04am - misc - by RyanSmithN (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend and I asked her to give me her phone to make a call since mine was dead. A text came in from someone and the name sounded familiar. My bestfriend has been dating my girlfriend longer than I have, and she gave him head. I kissed her earlier that day. FML

#7350997
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24575) - you deserved it (2929)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:02am - intimacy - by vadoodoo22 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

#7348405
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10750) - you deserved it (16636)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by nooneatall - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to my doctor to get my x-ray results. Turns out, I have a fractured spine and a chip of my spine has moved. Now I'm in a neck brace because my dad didn't think it was serious, and told me to "suck it up princess." FML

#7346390
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31297) - you deserved it (2160)

On 01/14/2010 at 9:07pm - health - by RAHrahRAH (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up in my boyfriend's dorm and decided to take a shower before he woke up. I used the girls bathroom on the above floor, and afterwards just threw on a towel and ran to the elevator. I forgot to press my boyfriend's floor and I was taken to the lobby in a towel. People were waiting. FML

#7344260
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6883) - you deserved it (29289)

On 01/14/2010 at 7:43pm - misc - by nude (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

#7343318
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8931) - you deserved it (32329)

On 01/14/2010 at 7:01pm - misc - by Lackadaisical (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML

#7341507
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34001) - you deserved it (4504)

On 01/14/2010 at 5:35pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

#7340967
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25307) - you deserved it (3545)

On 01/14/2010 at 4:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

#7339757
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29271) - you deserved it (5186)

On 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by scubai (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

#7339012
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27039) - you deserved it (3782)

On 01/14/2010 at 2:41pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got my cell phone bill. I pay for 700 minutes per month. I used 9 last month. FML

#7338496
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19303) - you deserved it (16367)

On 01/14/2010 at 2:04pm - misc - by light_talker (man) - United States (Kansas)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: