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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

#12288946
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35805) - you deserved it (3911)

On 08/03/2010 at 2:13pm - misc - by missalexa - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

#12284629
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78576) - you deserved it (4557)

On 08/03/2010 at 8:11am - love - by Broken (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi)

Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML

#12283970
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9234) - you deserved it (53464)

On 08/03/2010 at 6:40am - misc - by MyFaceHurts (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and swing my lanyard around with my keys on it. It flew off my finger and into their yard. FML

#12283865
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6639) - you deserved it (37234)

On 08/03/2010 at 6:21am - misc - by Jesse from - United States

Today, I start work in an office, with my mother. FML

#12280624
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28028) - you deserved it (12294)

On 08/03/2010 at 2:17am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I heard on a local radio a song I wrote almost 2 years ago. Apparently, after my family and I moved away, my former band found a new guitar player, and that song is now the first single of their debut LP. FML

#12278054
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45093) - you deserved it (3921)

On 08/03/2010 at 12:23am - misc - by nowhereman1990 (man) - Venezuela (Distrito Federal)

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

#12277666
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58007) - you deserved it (4390)

On 08/03/2010 at 12:07am - intimacy - by Cheated (man) - Canada (Ontario)

SparkleMotion44's comment : divorce that whore brah

See all the comments →

Today, the cute guy I met on Halloween finally decided to meet up with me after almost 10 months of phone calls, IM, and emails. He was noticeably disappointed and said I looked different. On Halloween I had full face zombie makeup. FML

#12271969
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32630) - you deserved it (4714)

On 08/02/2010 at 7:43pm - love - by Doubleyew1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

#12271784
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14647) - you deserved it (26064)

On 08/02/2010 at 7:32pm - intimacy - by toomuchlove (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was bored out of my mind at work. I told my coworker he was lucky to be leaving early. I forgot the reason of his early departure was to go to his grandfather's funeral. FML

#12271611
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8932) - you deserved it (34820)

On 08/02/2010 at 7:21pm - work - by PCop (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend's father offered her $10 to stop talking to me. I don't have a girlfriend anymore. FML

#12266634
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43967) - you deserved it (4980)

On 08/02/2010 at 1:55pm - love - by hAHAha Halo (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I discovered our AOL billing information. Turns out we've been paying for dial-up via automatic bill paying that we thought we cancelled in 2000. $1,800 later, we called to cancel. Customer service congratulated us on being loyal members for over 13 years. FML

#12266156
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19585) - you deserved it (29505)

On 08/02/2010 at 1:23pm - money - by Jay (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend decided to visit me at work. With another girl. FML

#12264713
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37621) - you deserved it (4050)

On 08/02/2010 at 11:37am - love - by ihateumicheal (woman) - United States



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