Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2011 at 1:22pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my girlfriend asked me to hold her purse while shopping. All of a sudden, a robber punched me in the face and took her purse. She started crying about her purse and told me to get off the ground because I was embarrassing her. FML

by alex / 03/14/2011 at 10:44am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

by kb10 / 03/14/2011 at 3:32am / Money

Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home, she even took the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML

by Username / 03/14/2011 at 2:53am / Love

Today, while practicing my gymnastics routine on the uneven bars, I was so distracted by my teammates' conversation about a party later that I miscalculated my flip and smacked my head on a bar. Ten stitches and a concussion later, I was left alone in the hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2011 at 12:49am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I came back to my boyfriend's house where I've been staying to find all my things thrown outside, ruined, including my entire CD collection, textbooks and clothes cut up. All because I had left my cell phone there and had got a text from a guy saying "Hi, how have you been?" FML

by wtf / 03/14/2011 at 12:07am / Love

mariet's comment : Make him pay to replace everything, then dump him. Take legal action if needed.

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Today, my dog started barking very aggressively. Thinking she'd started another gruesome fight with my older dog, I jumped up from the couch, spilling my coffee all over my laptop and dress, and knocked over a vase my grandmother gave me. She was barking at her own shadow. FML

by spaz / 03/13/2011 at 9:49pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying to relive my childhood via a pogo stick was not a good combination. My new shoes are now a different color. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2011 at 8:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

by aldfgadfklbg / 03/13/2011 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2011 at 6:26pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Wheredidgrungego's comment : Yeah because all any girl wants is a guy who can crush things with his head. Idiot.

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Today, I had to wait an hour in the awful rain for my mom to pick me up, because she didn't realize the clocks had gone forward already. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2011 at 5:51pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend dumped me was because his parents don't like the fact that I go to a prestigious university. However, they're completely accepting of the drunken slob who's dating their daughter. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2011 at 3:17pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love

Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML

by sushi hater / 03/13/2011 at 2:55pm / United States (Colorado) / Health