Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

by Cecilly2010 / 04/28/2011 at 11:53am / Animals

Today, I bought my boyfriend a gold watch for our 2 year anniversary. He bought me a jar of Nutella. FML

by nuttedthefout / 04/28/2011 at 9:16am / Love

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

by oldmama728 / 04/28/2011 at 7:07am / Geek

cradle6's comment : Did you ever think about addressing this problem a little earlier?

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Today, my football coach thought it would be a good idea to get drunk, run to the other sideline, and scream, "WELCOME TO SPARTA, BITCH!" This would've been funny if he weren't also my dad. FML

by spartanson / 04/28/2011 at 6:28am / Miscellaneous

allmidnighteyes's comment : Your dad is Charlie Sheen?

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Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I'd only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML

by ummno / 04/28/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

by tryandtryagain / 04/28/2011 at 12:04am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, while hiking, my dad decided we should take the beeline trail down the mountain to save time. We got to the bottom of the mountain when we discovered it was the wrong side of the mountain. We had to hike 13 extra miles around it to get back to our car. FML

by lostinthewoods / 04/27/2011 at 10:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend's present to me was that he actually flushed the toilet AND put the seat down. FML

by suckishbf / 04/27/2011 at 10:41pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2011 at 3:16pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Fx13mz's comment : I bet you look hot.

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Today, I got married. My sister and father could not attend because they already had plans. My sister went to the mall with her friends, and my dad went to a pool party. FML

by disfunctionalfamily / 04/27/2011 at 3:03pm / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching a movie online. There was a 15 minute ad. 13 minutes into watching an ad about birth control, I noticed that there was a "skip this ad" button in the corner. FML

by popcorn / 04/27/2011 at 2:33pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my landlord informed me that after 8 months, we are finally getting cable and internet in our house. I move out tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2011 at 1:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

by Sammy / 04/27/2011 at 1:07pm / United States (Texas) / Love