Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

by JT / 04/12/2011 at 10:19am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don't know what's sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn't hurt myself. FML

by sadcase / 04/12/2011 at 10:01am / Australia / Health

CathyCraaazy's comment : Painful .. but YDI for trying to straighten your eyelashes! For FUN?

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Today, I wore a Stanford college T-shirt to school. My Spanish teacher took one look at it and said "You wish". FML

by anon / 04/12/2011 at 6:09am / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML

by BrokeAndPsst / 04/12/2011 at 12:27am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

dee3108's comment : straight out dude... you seem like a very nice guy.. who just so happened to be stuck with a hardcore bitch.. dump her and find one that appreciates!

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Today, I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend for the 5th time. She still hasn't got the hint. FML

by husks / 04/12/2011 at 12:08am / Love

Today, I found that the love of my life is 3.5 inches, fully erect. My cell phone is bigger than that. FML

by Artic / 04/12/2011 at 12:00am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Alliria's comment : Am I the only person that feels worse for the guy then the OP?

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Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

by ILiveWithMorons / 04/11/2011 at 11:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

by drunkluv / 04/11/2011 at 10:58pm / Australia / Love

Today, the maintenance man 'fixed' a leak in my apartment by flooding the place. FML

by sproket / 04/11/2011 at 7:37pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill due to "signal problems". We can't get off because it's "unsafe". I'm on my way home from work and I can see my house through the window. FML

by bananaman / 04/11/2011 at 4:07pm / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, I was robbed. They took my father's ashes. FML

by stolen / 04/11/2011 at 3:29pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

by Numb / 04/11/2011 at 3:27pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that if I were 2 inches shorter, I would have to sit in a booster seat in the car. I'm about to turn 22. FML

by shorty / 04/11/2011 at 1:36pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous