Today, my mom informed me that she doesn't wash my clothes anymore. Instead, she sprays them with Febreze to "save money". FML

by dirtyclothess / 05/01/2011 at 8:01pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up at 4:40AM and went to the kitchen. My brother and his steel-capped boots easily found me in the dark. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2011 at 2:49pm / New Zealand (Southland) / Miscellaneous

Today, the tree that my neighbors have neglected to cut down fell on my car. They claim that by law, they aren't responsible and don't have to pay for it. FML

by me / 05/01/2011 at 12:31pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

TaylorTotsYumm's comment : Get a crane to place the tree on top of their car.

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Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2011 at 12:11pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

voodoocheese's comment : surely you were wearing one at the time?

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Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML

by nothanks / 05/01/2011 at 10:30am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

TheEpicFoo's comment : creepers gonna creep.

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Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriends dog. After several trips around the block and plenty of strange looks I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

by Username / 05/01/2011 at 4:20am / United States / Intimacy

Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML

by / 05/01/2011 at 3:03am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

by rb / 05/01/2011 at 2:02am / United States / Animals

Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2011 at 1:50am / United States (Kentucky) / Money

Today, my boyfriend called me as I was getting ready for bed and asked me to pick him up from the bar. Being a loving girlfriend I drive the 45 minutes; when I get there his friend informs me he left about 45 minutes ago. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2011 at 1:36am / Reserved / Love

Today, the lease on my house ended and I finished moving in with my girlfriend. After everything was moved in, she broke up with me. Hello homelessness. FML

by Username / 04/30/2011 at 11:16pm / United States / Love

Today, I went tanning for 15 min at my gym. When I got out no one was there, all of the lights were off, and the alarm started going off. Turns out the people working forgot about me, locked up, and left me there. FML

by Tara / 04/30/2011 at 8:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad went through my room while I was out and threw away the "inappropriate pictures" that he found. They're the nudes I've been working on for art class. FML

by OhGreat / 04/30/2011 at 4:30pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous