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Man or woman?

Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

#4077228
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8139) - you deserved it (53842)

On 07/27/2009 at 10:34am - intimacy - by condom_kid (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend when I said "I wish all the weight I gained just went to my boobs." His reply was, "They'd be HUGE." FML

#4076767
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33657) - you deserved it (21924)

On 07/27/2009 at 9:49am - love - by not-that-fat (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I drove six hours with a friend to see one of her favorite bands in concert. We were turned away at the door because the online site didn't say we had to be 21 to enter. I drove six hours back with nothing to show for it but an empty gas tank and useless tickets. FML

#4074889
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36284) - you deserved it (8488)

On 07/27/2009 at 5:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was a pretty nice day so I decided I would take a walk through the park to get to work instead of driving. Healthier and better for the planet, right? Wrong. Some little bratty kids were bored apparently and decided to hide behind trees and peg me with water balloons. FML

#4074365
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30869) - you deserved it (2743)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by waterballoons (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML

#4074077
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62231) - you deserved it (7450)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:12am - love - by DAMMit (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that my brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of Warcraft money. FML

#4073449
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59271) - you deserved it (3319)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:32am - misc - by Anon (woman) - Singapore

Today, I sent in a fake story to a website that supports a yearly festival in my small town thinking it would boost their spirits. It was how my boyfriend proposed to me at last year's festival. Now the local news station wants to do a story about it. FML

#4072297
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6509) - you deserved it (71052)

On 07/27/2009 at 2:24am - misc - by Tasji (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my neighbors were busted for a meth lab in their garage. Yesterday, I signed the mortgage. Welcome to our new neighborhood, kids. FML

#4071557
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40795) - you deserved it (3315)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:51am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

#4070299
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47464) - you deserved it (13021)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

#4069645
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45348) - you deserved it (2546)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by scarred (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my immature dad said I am a girl not a woman, so my witty response was ''I have a period, I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML

#4068600
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41114) - you deserved it (13319)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by bookworm94 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had a job interview, but I arrived kind of late. I was in so much of a hurry that I hit a woman walking by in the face with the door. I offered to drive her to the hospital. Turns out that she was going to be interviewing me. She didn't offer to reschedule. FML

#4068517
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29956) - you deserved it (10946)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:07am - work - by OhNo. (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to tell my 10 year old son that me and his father are getting a divorce. His reply? "Yes! I call living with dad!" FML

#4066807
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48942) - you deserved it (11138)

On 07/26/2009 at 11:13pm - kids - by reckless182 (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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