Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was taking an important exam for Calculus. Out of nowhere, the kid behind me starts violently kicking my desk. I quickly turn around and yell at him. He was having a seizure. FML

#6804423
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27867) - you deserved it (9468)

On 12/18/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Ryan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was changing the oil on my car. I decided to pretend I was delivering a baby as I was removing the oil filter. I got really into it and was screaming things like "I see the head," and when I removed it, I said "Oh, it's a boy!" As I reach for my rag to clean it, I saw my neighbor's boots. FML

Today, I was watching TV. During a very long commercial break, I found my brothers PSP charger next to me. Out of boredom I put my tongue on the end on the metal. Not only did it fry my tongue but found its way to my metal filling in my tooth. I now have a sore tongue and a throbbing toothache. FML

#6803548
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4717) - you deserved it (71496)

On 12/17/2009 at 11:25pm - misc - by Shocked (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML

#6802710
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29491) - you deserved it (4252)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:48pm - love - by yoked (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend's mother called me. She assumed that I bought him a PS3 for Christmas, and she and the rest of his family have only purchased him games to go with it. The thing is, I already got him an expensive gift. Now, I have to scramble to come up with the money to get this for him instead, and save the coat I bought for his birthday. FML

Today, my grandpa sent me a letter apologizing for not congratulating me about my graduation last spring. Too bad I don't graduate until May. FML

#6795980
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20467) - you deserved it (3708)

On 12/17/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by chill (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was eating lunch out side with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

#6795519
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30843) - you deserved it (2567)

On 12/17/2009 at 4:43pm - animals - by ollierocks96 - United States (Florida)

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

#6793560
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12544) - you deserved it (23950)

On 12/17/2009 at 2:09pm - animals - by ohmy (woman) - Canada

Today, I found that my Facebook account had been hacked, and all my friends were deleted. As I tried to add them all back, Facebook reported me as a hacker for adding too many people too quickly. FML

#6792843
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30335) - you deserved it (3349)

On 12/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by gotthewrongman (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

#6792235
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13337) - you deserved it (49930)

On 12/17/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was playing with my yo-yo. I began showing off to my friends. When the girl I liked walked by, I thought it'd be really cool to do the move "dog bite". I ended hitting myself in the balls. Hard. FML

#6792186
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7521) - you deserved it (33437)

On 12/17/2009 at 11:34am - misc - by owmyballs - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, I went in for an interview at my dream job. When I walked in, I got a dirty look from the front desk secretary. Turns out, the guy interviewing me was from a dating website I'm on. I'd rejected him and told him to get a life. FML

#6791781
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11607) - you deserved it (30848)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:46am - work - by Interview tragedy - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

#6791694
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27556) - you deserved it (2210)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:35am - intimacy - by turriblebday (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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