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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my sister bought my five year old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

#5488289
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33415) - you deserved it (7163)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:28pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML

#5486035
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45249) - you deserved it (4943)

On 09/26/2009 at 2:21pm - misc - by grossgross (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, was my bachelor party. The only people that showed up were my best man and my father. FML

#5485912
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38452) - you deserved it (3201)

On 09/26/2009 at 2:15pm - misc - by bachelor (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it is my three-year-anniversary with my boyfriend. I asked if he had planned anything for us, and he said yes. My parents volunteered to watch our daughter, I got all excited, and apparently our "plans" are to watch a football game. What do I get to do? Make sandwiches. For him. FML

#5484515
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32999) - you deserved it (7746)

On 09/26/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by Amberizzle (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had my first day off in weeks. I was excited about getting to sleep in, until my boss called me at 6:30 in the morning to remind me I didn't have to come into work. Thanks. FML

#5482829
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35082) - you deserved it (2794)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:30am - work - by NoSleep (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

#5482819
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32594) - you deserved it (2861)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while at a club, I walked up to a cutie who had been eyeing me all night. I asked him "Is that a phone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?". He simply replied "It's a phone" before walking away. FML

#5482738
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7909) - you deserved it (46364)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by desperate (woman) - Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn)

Today, after the most stressful two weeks of my life, I finally found a few minutes to sit down with a relaxing cup of tea. I went to take a sip, sneezed, smashed the mug into my nose, and dumped scalding hot tea all over my face and cleavage. FML

#5481614
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36790) - you deserved it (4815)

On 09/26/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by pygmalion (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, an old friend that I never really liked invited me to lunch while she was in town. While driving back to her car, I couldn't find my phone, so she offered to call it. She found it under the passenger seat and also saw that when she called, her name came up as "Sabrina-IGNORE". FML

#5480779
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7042) - you deserved it (56298)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:05am - misc - by veggocake (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML

#5480750
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33133) - you deserved it (5714)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:00am - misc - by vcarder - United Kingdom

Today, I called my boss to let her know that I was suffering from severe depression and that my doctor suggested I take a month's leave. Her response: "Glad you are getting help, however we can't hold your job. No need to come to the office, we'll mail your stuff to you." FML

#5480161
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33960) - you deserved it (5581)

On 09/26/2009 at 3:01am - work - by zawbentley - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, there was a traffic accident on the highway which I normally take. I couldn't resist laughing at the driver since he was stupid enough to rear-end someone on the highway. What I didn't realize is that I forgot to pay attention to the road and rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

#5479832
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4632) - you deserved it (66894)

On 09/26/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by scarlet5000 (man) - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of 9 months that I was ready for marriage and start having kids. She hasn't called or texted me since. FML

#5479094
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15282) - you deserved it (60695)

On 09/26/2009 at 1:34am - love - by bigdawg702 (man) - United States

allmidnighteyes's comment : On your first date, did you rub her belly and say, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed"?

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