By CC / Sunday 2 September 2012 06:27 / United States - Southfield
By WhyAppleWhy - / Saturday 1 September 2012 23:14 / United States - Sarasota
By fuck yuo - / Saturday 1 September 2012 20:50 / Canada - Saint John's

  Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

By thewhompingwillow - / Saturday 1 September 2012 17:56 / United States - Springfield
FML - The follow-up

Today, I found out that the "vines" I was cutting down this morning were actually poison oak. I can only see out of one eye, and I'm virtually unrecognizable due to the facial swelling. FML

merissa22 Say more :
nothing like a shot in my ass after trying to sum up the courage to go out in public won't help
By merissa22 / Saturday 1 September 2012 17:37 / United States - Chicago
FML - The follow-up

Today, my dad wants me to spray a wasp nest, because I'm the fittest family member and can run the fastest. The wasps are already angry, and I'm allergic to them. FML

iliveintexas Say more :
Hey everyone, in case you're wondering, I have NOT sprayed the nests yet (my dad has informed me there are around 10 nests), but I will be sure to record it, because I am an idiot. PS: Thank you all for the helpful comments, I am aware that I should wear long pants and a long shirt. However (for my favorite comment), in Texas, it is hard to find a cheap steel-forged suit of armor, as well as to craft...
By iliveintexas / Saturday 1 September 2012 14:09 / United States - Tyler
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