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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. FML

#9020245
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25786) - you deserved it (2121)

On 03/12/2010 at 10:06am - love - by steakysteak (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed 'I Love You'. After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back and said, 'What kind of gun was it?' FML

#9019177
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31250) - you deserved it (6805)

On 03/12/2010 at 8:17am - love - by justlittleoldme (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I parked my car to go inside to grab my wallet than I'd forgotten. In the short time it took me to do that, someone broke two of my car's windows. FML

#9018628
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19463) - you deserved it (2048)

On 03/12/2010 at 7:10am - misc - by lance - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dog managed to get into our cabinet and eat an entire bag of hershey kisses. Now she is puking all over the house and outside too. When I called the vet to tell her about it, she said that it was normal, and to call her back when it was "coming out the other end." FML

#9018544
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18412) - you deserved it (3321)

On 03/12/2010 at 7:01am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to explain to my sister why it's unhygienic, socially unacceptable and downright inappropriate to apply Thrush ointment in the lounge room. I realised I wasn't getting through to her when she called me ''Uptight,'' ''Victorian" and ''prudish'' to name a few. FML

#9017056
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17442) - you deserved it (2649)

On 03/12/2010 at 3:26am - intimacy - by 1378 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML

#9016591
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5484) - you deserved it (28448)

On 03/12/2010 at 2:35am - misc - by LXA429 - United States (Indiana)

Today, I thought I lost my wallet. Canceled my bank cards. Bought a new wallet. Got a $141 parking fine at the motor registry while getting my replacement license which also cost me $22. Went to go to the gym and when I went to put my bike jacket on, felt something inside the sleeve. My wallet. FML

Today, I was called gorgeous for the first time in 4 years. By a robot. A female robot. Who was trying to sell me cosmetics. FML

#9015781
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22607) - you deserved it (2659)

On 03/12/2010 at 1:36am - misc - by gorgeousgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got home early from work. When I got home I got to see my dad chasing my mom around the house, naked. FML

#9015230
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31118) - you deserved it (3324)

On 03/12/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by ugh - United States

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. When I told the man that I wanted Tinkerbell on my lower back area. He snorted and told me that I was way too old to have Tinkerbell on me, and that Disney characters are only cute on people 35 and younger. I'm 23. FML

#9011499
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24409) - you deserved it (11804)

On 03/11/2010 at 10:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I thought a pipe was going to burst in my shower because it was making such a loud rumbling so I called my boyfriend freaking out telling him I didnt know what to do. After taking a second to look a little harder, I realized it was my vibrating razor against the shower wall. FML

#9008016
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4937) - you deserved it (23638)

On 03/11/2010 at 9:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a strong feeling that someone was watching me as I was undressing to get ready for bed. I conspicuously moved to the door and threw it open to find my step-brother clearly spying on me. We are the same age, live in the same house three weeks a month and in the same English class. FML

#9006202
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29115) - you deserved it (2409)

On 03/11/2010 at 8:18pm - misc - by meowtickmeow - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML

#9004335
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22901) - you deserved it (2028)

On 03/11/2010 at 7:22pm - love - by dreadedmafia86 (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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