Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2011 at 7:51pm / United States / Health

Today, I was invited into a group chat on Skype. Everyone ignored everything I said, so I got pissed and started yelling at them. Then I realised my microphone wasn't plugged in right. FML

by Canuckster / 07/10/2011 at 5:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

goshpeople's comment : That happened to my sister ten minutes ago.

See all the comments

Today, I came home after having traveled abroad for the last two months. Before I left, I'd asked my dad to take care of my fish, and he promised they'd be safe with him. I found them all decomposing. FML

by worstfatherever / 07/10/2011 at 4:54pm / United States / Animals

Today, my mother-in-law announced that she's going to be moving into the apartment next to us. Oh joy. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

hidingout777's comment : Have super loud sex!

See all the comments

Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML

by Mary / 07/10/2011 at 8:49am / United States / Love

Today, a total stranger on the bus called me hideous and threw a soda in my face. I only asked him if the seat next to him was taken. FML

by ugly / 07/10/2011 at 2:03am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2011 at 12:18am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

allmidnighteyes's comment : My favourite part is how she just left when you guys were done. You didn't have to pay for that sex, right? I can't imagine what runs through a hooker's mind when you tell her, "Don't wake my parents..."

See all the comments

Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML

by ilovedirt / 07/09/2011 at 11:12pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

by Lame / 07/09/2011 at 8:19pm / United States (New York) / Money

Today, I went to the park with a girl I like. She got playful and climbed a tree, insisting I come up, too. While we were sitting and enjoying the view, she suddenly knocked me off the branch, sending me crashing to the ground. FML

by wolf boy / 07/09/2011 at 8:13pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, marks the seventh day of having my nose pierced. I'd done everything I was supposed to do, even sleeping with a band-aid over it. This morning, I woke up to my piercing being ripped out by my pillow, and the band-aid nowhere in sight. FML

by meggiemouse / 07/09/2011 at 2:00pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

by Beanzbeanz / 07/09/2011 at 11:19am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

by iGreen / 07/09/2011 at 10:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals