Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't let me move into his new apartment with him. It turns out his other girlfriend had already moved in. FML

by Kimberlie / 03/15/2011 at 5:23am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML

by Megara / 03/15/2011 at 1:58am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, the bus came to pick up my daughter to take her to kindergarten. When it honked, I opened the door for her to let her run out to it. Halfway there she tripped and started crying. I couldn't run out because I was still in my underwear. Now her bus thinks I'm the worst mom ever. FML

by mommylovesu / 03/14/2011 at 10:25pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, a frog made my hot tub his new home. I can't stand frogs and he moves lightening fast. I think the only way to get rid of him is to turn the heat on and boil him. Which I would do if my daughter didn't already adore him. FML

by BSwan / 03/14/2011 at 8:57pm / Australia / Animals

Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML

by cleangirl / 03/14/2011 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Miscellaneous

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

by Albert06 / 03/14/2011 at 5:26pm / France / Love

sweet_candy_'s comment : Wtf that is so sad and embarrassing. It's just disgusting when people cheat.

See all the comments

Today, I spent almost two hours cleaning my fish tank, only to find out that my cat had secretly eaten all of my fish while I was cleaning the tank. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2011 at 3:52pm / United States / Animals

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2011 at 3:16pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was so lonely that I pretended I wanted to buy something from a telemarketer so that they would keep talking to me. FML

by lonelynessinCA / 03/14/2011 at 2:31pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2011 at 1:22pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my girlfriend asked me to hold her purse while shopping. All of a sudden, a robber punched me in the face and took her purse. She started crying about her purse and told me to get off the ground because I was embarrassing her. FML

by alex / 03/14/2011 at 10:44am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

by kb10 / 03/14/2011 at 3:32am / Money

Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home, she even took the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML

by Username / 03/14/2011 at 2:53am / Love