Today, my dad told my little brother that Tokyo is in China. This is the same guy that yells at me every time I get a "B" on a report card. FML

by j1hill33 / 07/14/2011 at 1:09am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I couldn't shut a drawer in my kitchen, because an oven mitt was blocking it. An oven mitt filled with tin-foil wrapped electronics. My Mom believes Internet hackers can get into her digital camera and prepaid cell phone, and apparently tin-foil will prevent that. FML

by BelleCharmante / 07/14/2011 at 12:50am / United States (North Carolina) / Geek

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML

by stephiew / 07/13/2011 at 11:15pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years still refuses to memorize my phone number or remember my birthday because he says there is a limited amount of space in his brain and he does not want to push any important information out. FML

by skidoosh / 07/13/2011 at 9:44pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Ukeee_X's comment : Forget where his cock is located. You've only got so much space in your brain. You've got to forget about all the small, insignificant things.

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Today, I'm staying with my mother for a week. Every time I eat something, she tells me that it's "swimsuit season" and that I need to eat less. Every time I say I'm not hungry, she panics and insists I have an eating disorder. I can't win. FML

by argh / 07/13/2011 at 7:49pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me on my Facebook wall. 27 people liked it. FML

by 30Jenna / 07/13/2011 at 6:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

foilindo's comment : look at it this way. it's 27 people who want to date you!!! :-)

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Today, my parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

by wittlegirl / 07/13/2011 at 2:16pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

SexyBeast145's comment : dude that's so gross hahaha

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Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML

by MIB / 07/13/2011 at 12:26pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down the street hand in hand with my girlfriend. I couldn't help but stare at a gorgeous girl as she bent down to pick something up. It was such a great sight, I didn't notice the metal telephone pole directly in my path. FML

by sorehead / 07/13/2011 at 12:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I went to a concert with a friend of mine. When his dad came to pick him up, I walked towards the car, expecting a ride. His dad told me he didn't have time to drive me home. I'm his neighbour. FML

by Evan Chong / 07/13/2011 at 10:48am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, at a family reunion, my dad announced to everyone that I'd finally started my menstrual cycle. My grandmother started sobbing hysterically. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 9:31am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, my mother started dating a man who insists people call him 'Panda'. FML

by butimarealbear / 07/13/2011 at 9:11am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my boyfriend can name each and every Pokémon, but can't remember my birthday. FML

by Ignored / 07/13/2011 at 2:47am / United States (Texas) / Geek