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Today, I fell asleep during my division emergency meeting. As I about to head home that evening, my boss patted me on the back saying "Wrong move. Good luck". Turned out, it was a meeting to determine who will be kicked out of the company due to recession. My name was written first on the list. FML

#5562258
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6850) - you deserved it (47517)

On 09/30/2009 at 5:03am - work - by Unemployed (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

#5562076
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22806) - you deserved it (4344)

On 09/30/2009 at 4:28am - intimacy - by homersgirl (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was notified that I've been going to the wrong courses for 4 weeks. A friend of mine was the only person to tell me that the administration had taken the privilege to change my courses. I have now failed 5 courses due to absences and have been suspended from college for 6 months. FML

#5561435
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36480) - you deserved it (4764)

On 09/30/2009 at 2:46am - work - by Alex (man) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, it was my birthday. I asked my mom that instead of a present if she would make a donation to my favourite charity. She said that this wasn't a "proper" present for a 15-year-old girl. Instead she got me a kettle because "ours had broke and you make the most tea in the family." FML

#5561209
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33244) - you deserved it (4845)

On 09/30/2009 at 2:17am - misc - by qwerty6 - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I searched for free parking near my work for 30 minutes, trying to avoid paying $12 at a pay lot. I scored a spot, but 1 mile away from the office. I trekked through rain, cold, and got to work late. It was a long hard day, crawled back to my car, and had a $30 ticket on my windshield. FML

#5560693
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9719) - you deserved it (34113)

On 09/30/2009 at 1:34am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year old son came up to me and asked if he can "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereals. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML

#5560413
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33072) - you deserved it (3643)

On 09/30/2009 at 1:17am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I received a surprise "absolute final notice" email for payment of an overdue fee from the university I withdrew from 6 months ago. Turns out, my old landlord has been hoarding their letters to me. As a result, my credit is now in the shitter and I had to pay an extra $120 in interest. FML

#5556701
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28493) - you deserved it (2454)

On 09/29/2009 at 10:11pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML

#5554431
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6121) - you deserved it (27502)

On 09/29/2009 at 8:48pm - intimacy - by pummy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

#5550225
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64317) - you deserved it (4709)

On 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by P0wned (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, I went to a school committee meeting. I sat opposite my boyfriend. To get his attention I began stroking his crotch area with my leg. The principal stood up 5 minutes later pulling me under the table. My tights were caught in his zipper. FML

#5548744
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7373) - you deserved it (32138)

On 09/29/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by clumssyXO (woman) - Hungary (Veszprem)

Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML

#5548309
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44025) - you deserved it (6397)

On 09/29/2009 at 3:09pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, there was a big cake at the office. I thought it was funny to pretend to push the cute girl in the office into it. She laughed, but then lost her balance and fell forward. Everyone saw. Turns out she’s allergic to coconut, even just the shavings on a cake, and had to go to the hospital. FML

#5548014
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10822) - you deserved it (39125)

On 09/29/2009 at 2:40pm - work - by cakekiller (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found a parking citation from my college on my car windshield. It read PERMIT CITATION at the top. It confused me, as I had bought a parking permit 2 or 3 weeks before so that I wouldn't get a ticket. Turns out I got fined because the permit was on the wrong side of the windshield. FML



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