Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

by julia / 06/11/2011 at 7:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

franticravyn's comment : that's cute in a way…

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Today, I woke up with bowel problems which have been causing me to violently pass wind every couple of minutes. I have to spend the next two hours sitting an exam in dead silence. FML

by pleasestop / 06/11/2011 at 4:48am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Miss_Michaela's comment : Go in there with your head high, and your middle finger higher saying 'If I have to suffer, so do all of you!'.

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Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML

by dadisgoatboy / 06/11/2011 at 2:37am / Switzerland (Aargau) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my dad makes me wear dresses and skirts not because I look pretty in them, but because he was sick and tired of people asking him if I was a boy or a girl. FML

by mbesameh / 06/11/2011 at 2:27am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

jackiemoonthepro's comment : lady gaga's writing fmls now?

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Today, my mother-in-law visited the house while my husband and I were at work. When we returned, we discovered she'd shredded and thrown away all the scribbled on papers sprawled on our messy desks. We're graphics designers. Those were rough sketches for about 14 different clients. FML

by Mirorbo / 06/11/2011 at 2:09am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

by Username / 06/11/2011 at 1:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I learned the hard way that yes, a fork can get stuck in your braces. FML

by 8sq / 06/10/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2011 at 8:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. As we got to the ticket booth, a couple of girls queued behind us. My boyfriend graciously introduced me as his little sister, and invited the girls to join us. We've been together for two years. FML

by sherryberry2013 / 06/10/2011 at 7:42pm / United States / Love

Today, I'm trying to come up with a plausible explanation for my co-workers as to why I have stitches in my face. I'm not sure I want to admit that I was clawed by a pigeon as I opened my garage door. FML

by Anonyme / 06/10/2011 at 7:07pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Animals

Today, my cousin taught me how to make dinner. My cousin is in first grade and I'm in college. FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2011 at 5:22pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb on the roof. I followed him up and spent the next hour trying to catch him. FML

by crazydog / 06/10/2011 at 4:39pm / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

by gabxoxo03 / 06/10/2011 at 3:06pm / United States (New York) / Love