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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I spent over an hour decorating my house for trick or treaters. I never got one person at my door because I forgot to unlock my gate. FML

#13667842
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8694) - you deserved it (33790)

On 10/31/2010 at 9:08pm - misc - by halloweensucks (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got into a car accident. While getting my things out of the car to bring into the tow truck, I noticed the handcuffs from my Halloween costume were still in the trunk. The tow truck driver noticed before I did, because he smiled, winked, and asked if I needed any more help. FML

#13665915
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24823) - you deserved it (5131)

On 10/31/2010 at 5:27pm - intimacy - by jo1429 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML

#13664079
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22155) - you deserved it (7486)

On 10/31/2010 at 2:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I wore my high school letterman jacket while I was out shopping. A man saw me and muttered to his wife about how sad it is some adults can't grow up and continue to wear their high school paraphernalia, constantly trying to relive their senior year. I am a senior. FML

#13662934
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29913) - you deserved it (2874)

On 10/31/2010 at 12:10pm - misc - by yeahno (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was running a marathon for my school. Two hot girls started talking to me, so I glanced at them and smiled. I turned back, just in time to knee a little boy in the face. FML

#13662632
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25398) - you deserved it (7529)

On 10/31/2010 at 11:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

#13661699
378 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68621) - you deserved it (9610)

On 10/31/2010 at 9:30am - intimacy - by Tai - Australia (New South Wales)

perdix's comment : You're going to have shitty kids.

See all the comments →

Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML

#13660294
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25630) - you deserved it (3127)

On 10/31/2010 at 5:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while cleaning out my garage, I found a pregnant spider. I couldn't step on the spider without releasing the baby spiders, so I went inside to get a glass jar to trap it. While trying to relocate the spider, I accidentally stepped on it. I now have a bunch of baby spiders roaming around. FML

#13657606
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27768) - you deserved it (6900)

On 10/31/2010 at 12:25am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at school I pulled my bicep muscle arm wrestling. I lost. He was 14. I'm the 23 year old security guard. FML

#13657321
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24760) - you deserved it (9412)

On 10/31/2010 at 12:06am - work - by Disappointed - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you." FML

#13655467
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20638) - you deserved it (26277)

On 10/30/2010 at 10:14pm - love - by yummy(: - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" FML

#13654098
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38916) - you deserved it (29762)

On 10/30/2010 at 8:37pm - intimacy - by tht1chk - United States (California)

Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML

#13653638
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28644) - you deserved it (3911)

On 10/30/2010 at 8:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and smashed a pumpkin onto my car. I later discovered that the perpetrator was my own 8 year old son. FML

#13653582
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28246) - you deserved it (5283)

On 10/30/2010 at 7:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)



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