Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

#4803927
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12835) - you deserved it (55393)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by damnit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out why my 5 year old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

#4803668
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35649) - you deserved it (2270)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by Stripperofthemall - United States (California)

Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML

#4800729
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33467) - you deserved it (6361)

On 08/25/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by singlesoon (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML

#4799049
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30281) - you deserved it (5270)

On 08/24/2009 at 11:34pm - love - by isoheartcaitlin (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to take out the trash at work and I kept trying to throw it in the dumpster. After five tries I finally made it in. I was feeling pretty good since the bag was heavy. That was until I turned around and saw about 30 of my coworkers applauding and laughing at me. FML

#4795795
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24019) - you deserved it (6143)

On 08/24/2009 at 9:45pm - work - by Sailorjoe (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I got a new cell phone. I was texting pictures from my old phone to my new one, including several dirty ones, when I noticed I wasn't receiving any of them on the new phone. I was texting the wrong number. FML

#4792669
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9598) - you deserved it (51059)

On 08/24/2009 at 7:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was flirting with this guy that had been forced to be my lab partner for class. He was really funny and attractive, too. In the middle of our conversation he said "You're so cute! You remind me of my boyfriend!" FML

#4789258
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39140) - you deserved it (6537)

On 08/24/2009 at 5:27pm - love - by NotCuteEnough (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML

#4789213
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12267) - you deserved it (42097)

On 08/24/2009 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by InTheDoghouse23 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML

#4787214
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46045) - you deserved it (3767)

On 08/24/2009 at 3:59pm - misc - by embarassed_chick (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, an old lady came to the bank where I worked at to apply for a loan. She obviously didn't qualify for one as she has no income coming in. She looked so pitiful, so I changed a couple of her information so she could. She reported me and I got fired. FML

#4785631
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16965) - you deserved it (40079)

On 08/24/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by NoThanks (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after spending $15,000 to treat my dog's cancer over the past two months, he died of kidney failure. FML

#4784383
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49456) - you deserved it (17052)

On 08/24/2009 at 1:33pm - misc - by w-dog (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I corrected my mom in front of our family while she was ragging on my 12 year old cousin who got a piercing. She said, "You don't understand you don't have kids, but on the other hand you probably never will!" I have Polycystic ovary syndrome, she is right, I probably never will. FML

#4783460
339 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53831) - you deserved it (2849)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:43pm - health - by fannyfitel123 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML

#4782445
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35220) - you deserved it (4630)

On 08/24/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: