Today, when taking a group picture with my closest friends, a passing parent congratulated us on getting into the same university for next year. She's wrong. They're all going to Cambridge, except for me. I was rejected. FML

by reject / 01/21/2011 at 6:02pm / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend's mother who lives with us decided that since I work from home, it would be a good idea for her to stay home and keep me company. "Keeping me company" includes ordering me to make her food, gossiping non stop, and ridiculing me for not being the woman that she always saw her son marrying. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2011 at 5:50pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I went out to my car only to find my battery had died the night before. With the wind chill, it was -20°F outside. With the hood open, and jumper cables in one hand, I tried to flag down a passing motorist for help. A man in a truck slowed down, sarcastically waved at me, and kept driving. FML

by dwhitehouse / 01/21/2011 at 4:50pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML

by turnedintoinsomniac / 01/21/2011 at 2:46pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my ex boyfriend apologized for being a jerk to me and threatening our relationship. When he was done, he asked if his apology earned him enough points for a blowjob. FML

by IHateDumbExs / 01/21/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I braved the winter weather conditions to get to a clinic for a prescription anti-diarrhea medication. When I arrived to find it closed, I turned around to walk to my car where I slipped on the ice. The impact made me simultaneously bruise my elbow and shit myself. FML

by chelseaface / 01/21/2011 at 10:13am / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend "where art thou my love?" via SMS. She replied "Toilet." FML

by gummy bear / 01/21/2011 at 6:41am / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2011 at 4:25am / Monaco / Health

Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone my dog ate it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML

by twinkie2 / 01/21/2011 at 3:35am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I hit a dead deer that had been left in the middle of the road. My car started to make a funny noise and smell, so I pulled over to check it, thinking I blew the tire on some antlers. The deer got stuck in my front wheel, and I'd dragged it more than a mile. And it wasn't actually dead. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2011 at 1:38am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

MagicMushrooms's comment : FYL? Fuck the deer's life; that's a horrible and painful way to die.

See all the comments

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

by Username / 01/20/2011 at 10:55pm / Health

Today, I found out how hard a lemon is to the nuts when being hurled by an angry girlfriend for losing at Wii Sports. FML

by neverhavingkids / 01/20/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, while trying to explain to my date that a small coffee would be fine, I said "I'm cheap and I'm easy". FML

by Username / 01/20/2011 at 8:41pm / Intimacy