by ugly / 07/10/2011 at 2:03am / United States (New York) / Transportation
Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2011 at 12:18am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
allmidnighteyes's comment : My favourite part is how she just left when you guys were done. You didn't have to pay for that sex, right? I can't imagine what runs through a hooker's mind when you tell her, "Don't wake my parents..."
Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML
by ilovedirt / 07/09/2011 at 11:12pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health
hannahtaskey's comment : No fucks were given that day.
by Lame / 07/09/2011 at 8:19pm / United States (New York) / Money
Snowble11's comment : What were you dressed as, Shredder?
Today, I went to the park with a girl I like. She got playful and climbed a tree, insisting I come up, too. While we were sitting and enjoying the view, she suddenly knocked me off the branch, sending me crashing to the ground. FML
by wolf boy / 07/09/2011 at 8:13pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, marks the seventh day of having my nose pierced. I'd done everything I was supposed to do, even sleeping with a band-aid over it. This morning, I woke up to my piercing being ripped out by my pillow, and the band-aid nowhere in sight. FML
by meggiemouse / 07/09/2011 at 2:00pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by Beanzbeanz / 07/09/2011 at 11:19am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by iGreen / 07/09/2011 at 10:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, after having my car been broken into the day before because I didn't lock it, I made sure I locked my doors. When I got off shift and entered the parking lot, I noticed a brick had been thrown through my windshield and a note that said, "Nice Try". FML
by JohnyP / 07/09/2011 at 3:04am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation
Today, after 8 years in exceptionally difficult veterinarian classes which put me $200,000 in debt, and 7 months of job searching, I finally got a job. I will be inspecting feces for worms while making minimum wage. FML
by dsbass09 / 07/09/2011 at 1:59am / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I was supposed to have a double date. My date didn't show. I spent my day in the living room waiting for the pizza guy while my best friend and her boyfriend made out. The pizza guy never showed either. FML
by supergingerr11 / 07/09/2011 at 1:55am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by anon / 07/09/2011 at 12:48am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, at my ex's wedding, I had to listen to his joyful recounting of how he met his bride and how they fell instantly in love and he knew she was perfect for him. All this happened while we were still dating. FML
by OnlyMee / 07/09/2011 at 12:32am / United States (California) / Love