Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

by chumleevil / 07/08/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because apparently my mom hates him and doesn't want us to be together. My mom died six years ago. FML

by anonbob / 07/07/2011 at 9:28pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Love

Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML

by Jessica / 07/07/2011 at 8:58pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Money

danaloren's comment : just hope she dies first (:

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Today, after having worked two jobs for months to save up for a big vacation, I came home to find my hard-earned money replaced by my boyfriend's brand new motorcycle. FML

by Elena / 07/07/2011 at 7:56pm / United States / Money

conqueror57's comment : You deserve it. Why did just a boyfriend have access to YOUR money??

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Today, my mother resolved to never visit McDonald's again. Not because of ethics or health concerns, but because they charged her for extra barbecue sauce. She bitched out the man in the drive-through for a good five minutes, while I sat awkwardly in the passenger's seat. FML

by AgentFreshers / 07/07/2011 at 7:07pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML

by Anonymous / 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm / United States (Maine) / Animals

Today, a business man in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

rawrkittehpwnage's comment : that guy.. is a douche.

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Today, I was scheduled for an interview at 3 o'clock. I allowed thirty minutes for the drive, but when I put my key in the ignition, the car wouldn't start. FML

by Username / 07/07/2011 at 6:29pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I was woken up by my step brother trying to put his tongue in my mouth. FML

by lizownsvirgy / 07/07/2011 at 3:49pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML

by Unknown / 07/07/2011 at 11:12am / United States (Missouri) / Holidays

Today, I was propositioned by an incredibly pretty girl. I'm a 24 year old virgin; she's my best mate's girlfriend. She tells him everything when drunk, and he's a black-belt in karate. This could officially be classified as torture. FML

by Junktown / 07/07/2011 at 10:40am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Love

Today, it's my birthday. I got a phone call from my high school bully, to remind me that he'll always be able to find me and do whatever he wants to me. He does this every year. I turn 34 today. FML

by Snurkles / 07/07/2011 at 8:19am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

by shit / 07/07/2011 at 3:43am / United States / Kids