Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, I went on a first date wearing a new hair color. It was Interior Latex Slate Speckled Grey, from accidentally leaning my head against a wall while house painting earlier. FML

#10772348
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20612) - you deserved it (13457)

On 05/26/2010 at 4:18am - misc - by pandasbear - United States (California)

Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML

#10772340
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16735) - you deserved it (34644)

On 05/26/2010 at 4:17am - health - by kaylajere - United States (Texas)

Today, I spent half an hour on the phone with a woman who was yelling at the top of her lungs, sobbing uncontrollably and hyperventilating. She also told me if she had a heart attack and died from crying, it was all my fault. Why? I told her she needed her receipt to have her T.V. repaired. FML

#10769429
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31375) - you deserved it (2727)

On 05/26/2010 at 12:26am - work - by customerservicesucks - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

#10761245
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20773) - you deserved it (36535)

On 05/25/2010 at 7:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

#10760568
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58682) - you deserved it (3679)

On 05/25/2010 at 7:06pm - love - by DHarman (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream about toasting with champagne. Whilst asleep, I extended my hand to toast, then brought my hand to my mouth to "drink the bubbly." I knocked over the glass of water I keep on my bedside table. My iPhone is now ruined, and in shock of my wet arm, I jerked backward headbutting my wife's face. FML

#10756471
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27201) - you deserved it (7118)

On 05/25/2010 at 3:08pm - misc - by AdamFoundHisEve - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

#10752650
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14054) - you deserved it (32746)

On 05/25/2010 at 8:32am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy. My entire region got hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

#10751307
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33613) - you deserved it (2605)

On 05/25/2010 at 5:29am - work - by Jimbo (man) - United States (Armed Forces Pacific)

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

#10750179
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27323) - you deserved it (4234)

On 05/25/2010 at 2:54am - love - by Ouchhh (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

#10748926
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19294) - you deserved it (54901)

On 05/25/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by laurenraeee - United States (Utah)

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

#10748439
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27960) - you deserved it (4028)

On 05/25/2010 at 12:55am - misc - by alyssac11 - United States (Michigan)

Today, my little sister tripped when trying to walk up the stairs with a sandwich in one hand and my laptop in the other. She choose to save her sandwich instead of my £500 laptop. FML

#10748228
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26415) - you deserved it (3221)

On 05/25/2010 at 12:44am - misc - by Laptop - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to visit my parents after 4 years of not seeing them. They moved without telling me. FML

#10733987
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33138) - you deserved it (18747)

On 05/24/2010 at 1:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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