Today, I had two 100's and two singles in my wallet. The two 100's was for my electric bill and the two singles were for the bus. Once I got off the bus and to the electric company, I noticed only my singles were there. Turns out I paid the bus driver $200. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML
Today, my boyfriend elbowed me in the eye while we were sleeping. His excuse: "You shouldn't have stayed over." FML
Today, at an aunt's wake, my five year-old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML
Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML
Today, at work, I was looking for my lost wallet. After hours of looking I gave up and went home. The wallet then showed up in my mail box with an envelope marked "To the asshole." I opened the letter and it was filled with poop. My wallet too. FML
Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, "I wish you liked anal." FML
Today, I tripped on a step that said "Watch your step." Two hours later, I hit my head on a sign that said "Mind your head." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were lying in her bed. We fooled around and were about to have sex as she suddenly began to cry without any reason. She cried for 30 minutes until I finally managed to calm her down. She said there was no reason for her crying. Then she fell asleep. FML
Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML
Today, I had a headache when I woke up for school. I had final exams that day, so I took what I thought were 2 advils. They were two sleeping pills. FML
Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML
Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML
Today, I got an electric razor and a lesson from my dad on how to shave my mustache and chin. I also got my period. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I got hit in the mouth with a hockey stick and lost four teeth. Yesterday I got my braces of six years removed. FML
Today, I was texting my trainer to rearrange our training session. My girlfriend texted me during the exchange, asking what I wanted for Christmas. I accidentally texted my trainer, "All I want are your sweet titties in my face". I'm awaiting a response. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
