rakesh1237

Today, I was dragged to the food store with my mom. While we were shopping, the fire alarm went off. My mom pushed the cart at me, nearly knocking me over, and sprinted for the door. FML

Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML

Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were "good luck, fatty". FML

Today, our AC broke. It's 98 degrees inside the house. My parents will be staying at a 5 star resort until the repairman can come to fix the unit in 6 days. They made me stay home to make sure the plants survive. FML

Today, a week after my fiancé and I got engaged, his mother is already complaining that she isn't involved enough in the wedding arrangements. We haven't even set a date yet. FML

WTF FML

Today, while I was walking on the sidewalk, someone hit me with their car. They yelled at me for being in their way. FML

Today, my boyfriend leaned over and sniffed me like a dog. He does this almost every day, even in front of people sometimes. FML

Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML

Today, I got a ticket from a cop for not riding my bike in the bike lane. I wasn't riding in the bike lane because I was avoiding construction work. FML

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

So generous

Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML

Today, I was preparing food in the microwave. I hadn't noticed that a fly had flown in until I noticed its melted corpse engraved into my hot-pocket. FML

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

Today, I was camping with my family, and had to share a tent with my 13 year old brother. During the night he had to pee, but instead of going outside to use the bathroom, he zipped open a section of the tent, stuck his knob through it, and peed all over my shoes that were drying outside. FML