Mr Mexico City, Mexico 38 years-old
Today, my brother and father thought it would be a good idea to wake me up by turning on a chainsaw while wearing hockey masks. FML
Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML
Today, while I was in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been Facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML
Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML
Today, my boyfriend got a new rifle. He forced me to watch him stripping it, oiling it, and sliding things into its barrel. We then watched 'Enemy at the Gates'. I basically endured 4 hours of gun porn. FML
Today, my mom and I were escorted out of the KFC because my mom tried to mug and pick a fight with another customer. FML
Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML
Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML
Today, after a huge heartbreak and a night of crying, I wake up to an empty house. I go in the kitchen to make breakfast and see a note on the counter saying "We heard you crying last night and didn't want to hear you complaining this morning, so we went to the mall. - Mom" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
