Westminster, USA 36 years-old
Today, the guy I've secretly been in love with for years told me how hot my brother is. FML
Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
Today, this huge wasp started flying around me. I freaked out and started running from it. Then I slipped, landed face-first in some dog poo, and got stung by the wasp on my leg. FML
Today, as I walked into my class, someone shouted at me, "Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls!", since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me. I got made fun of by Pokémon nerds. FML
Today, the ice cream truck went by my house for the seventh time today, as it has for the last seven days of my fasting. FML
Today, I got Wii Fit, Wii Mario Kart and Wii Mario Galaxy for my birthday, I don't have a Wii. FML
Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself last night was my sister's Furby that she'd stuck in the closet. FML
Today, I withdrew €40 at the ATM to pay for dinner later tonight. It wasn't until I went to pay for it that I realized I'd taken the receipt, but left the cash in the ATM. FML
Today, my parents fought over who gets the dog when they divorce. Nothing has been said about where my brother and I will live when they split. FML
Today, my mother told me she forgot what a verb is. I'm homeschooled, and she's my teacher. FML
Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML
Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML
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