Ontario, United States 36 years-old In a relationship
Today, it's my mother's birthday so I took her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mother's birthday I gave her 3 broken ribs. FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I went shopping with my cousin. Walking down the road, I heard her say "Can you hold my hand?" I was confused, but thought it was cute, so I held her hand and kept walking. It turns out she'd asked me to hold her bag. We didn't say another word after that. FML
Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML
Today, my violent housemate qualified for a gun license. She picks up her bolt-action rifle on Wednesday. FML
Today, my parents asked me if I would dog-sit for them while they go to my ex's wedding. FML
Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonald's, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML
Today, while waiting for my train, I was listening to a voicemail message on my phone. Out of nowhere, a stranger came up to me from behind and screamed "DELETE!" into my ear. His voice command deleted my message. FML
Today, my mom asked me to help pick out clothes for my grandma to wear in her casket. I didn't know she'd died. FML
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