Mr North Richland Hills, Texas, United States 34 years-old Single
TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML
Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML
Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML
Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML
Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML
Today, my therapist told me, "I'm sorry, but I'm not qualified to handle your level of instability." FML
Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML
Today, my husband bleached his hair so, "our future kids will have blond hair too." I'm already married to this guy. FML
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML
Today, I accidentally took my mouthwash like a shot. I don't know what burned more, when it went down or when it came back up. FML
Today, I realised being the only female engineering student sucks. I have exactly one friend, because everyone else is too busy staring at my boobs to have a conversation. FML
Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML
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