secretlynormal

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London, United Kingdom
29 years-old
Friday 13 December 1996
In a relationship

About Secretlynormal

I don't know what to put here. I guess there isn't much more to say about me. FML.

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Secretlynormal's FML badges

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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I agree, my mouse works.

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100 kick-ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

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Tell us what happened next

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Work is a 4-letter word

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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Who’s the fairest of them all?

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Secretlynormal's favorite FMLs

By KereKris - 14/01/2016 12:11 - Netherlands

Today, I almost died. My friends dragged me unconcious, hypothermic and half-drowned out of the sea. A helicopter took me to the hospital where they brought me back to life. My family's reaction? "You aren't dying so we don't have to come to the hospital." They wouldn't even bring me clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 265

You deserved it 1 847

KereKris tells us more.

KereKris 25

Friday 15 January 2016 0:09

OP here. I guess this needs a follow-up. I was in a sailing boat with some friends and although there were big waves, the wind wasn't too strong so we thought it would be safe sailing. We were wrong about that. An exceptionally big wave came up from behind. The boat started surfing uncontrollably down from it and eventually flipped. I was caught by a rope and dragged under water. Fortunately I had a safety knife strapped to my leg so I could cut myself free but it took some time and I lost consciousness before I could make it up. My friends dragged up on the upturned hull of our boat because they were unable to flip it back. The tide was rising so the current pushed us close to the shore. In the surf we were trown off again and because of the waves it was too dangerous to approach the boat again so my friends swam to the shore, dragging me behind them. I regained consciousness for a while but passed out again as soon as we made it to the beach. Hope this answers all your questions.

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 07:26 - United States - Blair

Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 347

You deserved it 1 908

Bedtime

By kids shouldnt have hard sports equipment - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Woodville

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 666

You deserved it 1 712

Emergency

By automotive glass tech - 21/01/2016 18:09 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, while I was working replacing a windshield, some jerk off hit my truck. A truck carrying 2k in glass, including the windshield I was about to install. The driver gets out and says, "Sorry man, I had to text my girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 877

You deserved it 1 256

By anonymous - 22/01/2016 01:55 - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 008

You deserved it 1 620

By fuckoffgramps - 24/01/2016 17:10 - United States - New Freedom

Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 610

You deserved it 2 272

By Anon - 26/01/2016 11:40 - United Kingdom - Kingston Upon Thames

Today, I requested a pay rise at work. They said they couldn't do it as they have to cut costs, so I resigned. They've now re-advertised my job for more money than I asked for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 687

You deserved it 3 136

Nightmare mode

By oliver - 27/01/2016 12:02 - United States

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 549

You deserved it 2 277

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 19:43 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my husband when we heard a baby coo. This would have been adorable, if we had a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 788

You deserved it 1 480

By sweetie808 - 28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 788

You deserved it 1 794

By speaknoevil1 - 29/01/2016 06:03 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I got call from the manager for a company I applied for. Turns out, he mixed up my friend's phone number with mine, since we applied on the same day, so the manager accidentally hired her instead of me. He said the position is still mine if I want it, but they will have to let her go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 780

You deserved it 1 646

speaknoevil1 tells us more.

speaknoevil1 5

Saturday 30 January 2016 21:50

Hey guys! OP here. So let me explain what happened a little more. My friend and I are studying the same thing and the job is related to our field. I told her that I was applying there because I thought she would do the same thing if she would've found out about the opportunity. She only likes to take initiative when she thinks I'm going to be doing something that furthers my career and takes it like a competition. Anyway, she applied almost immediately after i told her and got an interview on the same day as I did. The mix up was due to a new intern mixing up our resumes since we came in at about the same time and we have similar backgrounds. The manager called and said he would handle it if I wanted to and I was about to say yes (because I was agitated on how unfair it was) and something stopped me. I didn't want to lose a friend over a job and she is quite grudgeful so I don't need that in my life. As fate would have it, I was offered an even better paid internship in Europe working along really great people and I couldn't be happier. Wow this is long but, anyway, thanks for everyone's advice!

Are you sure?

By yourekillingme - 19/02/2016 04:12 - United States - Mission

Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been feeling of pressure in my chest. After running numerous tests, I was told I was perfectly healthy and had nothing to worry about. I made it as far as the front door before I collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 144

You deserved it 1 500

By deebroooo - 19/02/2016 04:48 - United States - West Hollywood

Today, an old lady walked up to my car on a busy street and banged on my window. She was annoyed because I was making a left, as opposed to continuing to drive when there was no traffic in front of me. She then got in her car and held the horn until I went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 321

You deserved it 1 966

deebroooo tells us more.

deebroooo 10

Friday 19 February 2016 17:59

A street that didn't have a specific turning lane. And to clarify my blinker was on. Took awhile to turn because there was a lot of cars coming toward so I was there a while.

By elguapo3745 - 29/02/2016 18:20 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was woken by the sound of music coming from my living room at 1:30 am. My cat had managed to turn on the stereo and turn the volume all the way up. Just as I fell asleep again, there was a knock at the door. The police showed up about a noise complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 453

You deserved it 2 007