Mr East Meadow, NY, United States, United States, United States, United States In a relationship
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
Today, I watched my boss try to stick a magnet to cardboard. FML
Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML
Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML
Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML
Today, I witnessed my girlfriend eat the dead skin from the soles of her feet. FML
Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML
Today, my mom took me to a counselor because of my addiction to watermelon. FML
Today, my mom tried to sell me a bag of rice, with "Cocaine" written on the side of it in sharpie pen. In exchange for my soul. FML
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