Today, I took my Spanish exam. One of the questions was to translate "Mark is lazy and antisocial." My name is Mark. Everyone kept giving me weird looks the whole test. FML
Today, my boss commented on the fact that I don't usually wear makeup, then told me it would be much appreciated if I'd change that. FML
Today, I went to get my nails done for the first time in a while. I don't like to go that much because two of my toes are connected, and I'm very self-conscious about it. The man painting my toes started laughing when he saw them and called all the other employees over to look. FML
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I had lunch with a coworker, and after having a good talk and enjoying each others company, we got up to leave. Right before we said goodbye, she looked me right in the face and, looking legitimately confused, said, "You know, I really don't understand why no one at work likes you." FML
Today, I found out that the friend I stayed up with for nights on end, talking out of depression and suicide, has "politely" posted up on Facebook that he secretly hates me. FML
Today, my condo board refused to lift the new policy, which requires pet owners to carry their dogs in common areas after someone's dog kept peeing in the hall. I can't physically carry my two dogs, so I'm now forced to wheel them through the building in a borrowed baby stroller. FML
Today, at Christmas dinner, my grandmother talked about the death of every single dog she ever had. All 10 of them. FML
dunn76 tells us more.
dunn76 5
Hi I'm the op. To clarify, yes the dinner happened last night and so the 'today' thing is technically a lie, so sue me. My grandmother is 91 so she doesn't always have a filter as on what is appropriate to talk about. As to the 10 dogs, yes, there were times that she had 2 at a time. Most died of old age, but there were some that stuck out. One died because of cancer when she was a kid, another got hit by a car, and they had to put one down because she wouldn't eat because she was best friends with the dog that got hit by a car. Yes these were sad, but she is a good dog owner. She was tearing up when she was telling the stories. I love my grandmother very much and visit her at least once a week. As to the xmas mood, we decided to stop dinner and open presents to lighten up the mood for my younger sister. So don't worry, we had a good xmas!
Today, I had to re-grade a student's assignments because neither he, nor his parents can read "Spanish." I'd written in cursive. FML
Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML
Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML
Today, my fiancé proposed to me. I was really excited until he asked, "Can we go halfsies on the ring?" FML
Lol_0127 tells us more.
Lol_0127 0
I'm the OP. Let me clarify a few things. He's not suffering finacially. He makes $60,000 a year. I make $20,000. He bought a $3000 ring which was more than enough for me. It's beautiful. I don't want a massive rock. I don't spend all his money. I support myself. We live together. I pay half the rent
Today, when I came home from work, my computer was drenched with water. My sister claimed there was smoke coming out of it. FML
Today, my only motivation to get out of bed was cupcakes in the refrigerator. FML
Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML
Today, my hamster died. It climbed out of its cage and jumped off my dresser. Looking for condolences, I told my mom who replied, "If I lived in your room, I would have done it earlier." FML
Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML
Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML
Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, all while sending blood down my horn. FML
Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML
Today, my boyfriend announced he has stopped wearing deodorant because he thinks his BO smells "manly." FML
Today, after getting my dream job and quitting my old one, I was told my position is strictly "experimental" and will only last 2 months. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "God" told her to. I guess "God" didn't have any problems with me buying dinner first. FML
Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML
Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML
Today, in a parking lot, a girl came up to our car and started to knock on the window and scream, "I KNEW IT!" My girlfriend doesn't believe that I don't know her. FML
Today, I was walking in the park, when a kid ran up and hit me in the stomach. He said, "Don't get mad, get glad!" and ran off. FML
ShadowReaper101 tells us more.
Hi, OP here. First, I can't just hit a kid, even if he punched me. And second, his Dad wasn't in sight. So I couldn't have really done anything.
Today, while walking home with my mom, some unoriginal cockshart in a passing car yelled at me: "Fuck her in the pussy!" It was a long, awkward walk home after that. FML
Today, I caught three kids setting fire to a bush. After chasing them off, I parked my bike by a house and went to get water. After I'd put the fire out, I walked back to my bike just in time to see the kids running off with it. FML
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