Today, an attractive woman sat beside me at the doctor's office. Unfortunately, on my other side was my senile old uncle who can't control his bowels, and after a few uncontrollable farts, she was on the other side of the room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML
Today, I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room and thought that I was alone. I let rip two massive farts before realising there was a very short woman behind the computer screen at the desk. FML
Today, I was very tense as I sat in the chair for my gyno appointment, so the doctor repeatedly told me to relax, in order for her to do the routine exam. I then overcompensated and relaxed so much, I accidentally farted in her face. FML
Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, while I was sitting in a waiting room to be seen, my service dog (who was tucked under the bench I was sitting) let out the most vile, silent but deadly fart. The person near me retched and heaved, and I got death glares while someone sprayed their old lady perfume to mask the smell. FML
Today, I had a consultation for an upcoming surgery I need done. The doctor (who is very handsome and in his late twenties) asked me to flex my stomach and act like I was trying to use the bathroom. As I was enjoying him touching my stomach, I farted. FML
Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML
Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML
Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML
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Top comments
Checker 20
Is a doctor's office really a great place to pick up women?
Zarcissa 34
Don't blame your uncle for something he has no control over. There'll be lots of attractive girls later in life, but your uncle might not live long.
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Comments (26)
Checker 20
Is a doctor's office really a great place to pick up women?
vikky538 29
I donno about that. But let's just even if you pick up women you likely to pickup otherthings
Dale_shackleford 13
Women who go to the doctor care about their health.
mswim 27
Sure, but they might also be going there because they got things to be worried about. Like an infection.
FrustratedFrank 12
As opposed to the abortion clinic or the funeral home, I'd say yes. Absolutely. :)
Zarcissa 34
Don't blame your uncle for something he has no control over. There'll be lots of attractive girls later in life, but your uncle might not live long.
Dave_Davington 34
Honestly, what were you planning to do had she stayed? It's a doctor's office, not a singles' bar.
tomvertigo 17
Everythings a singles bar if you try hard enough, apparrently.
tygerarmy 35
You know, if you wanted to you could still have attempted to talk to her?
_awwhellnaw_ 45
I dunno about her, but when I go to the doctors, it's because I'm sick, and the last thing on my mind would be getting a date.
PANDORUM89 21
agreed, same for me. however I know a lot of people that go just for preventative care. one of my friends goes FOR EVERYTHING. if she sees a spot on her arm she goes straight to the Dr. Overall, we don't know what kind of Dr. they were there to see so she could've been in fine health, just there to get something looked at.
booze_n_bitches 37
@18 Oh god. That poor doctor! He didn't train for 6 years, and work for another 10 to repeatedly look at pimples on her arm. I think I'd go mad.
tygerarmy 35
She's at the doctor's office too, they could have been her farts.
CheekyRaccoon 27
Your uncle sure blew her away, with his intoxicating aroma.
jfj126 13
Well think about it your a good man for taking care of your uncle.
doemetoch 28
Oh get over yourself, it's not like you HAVE to try and flirt with a woman just because she's attractive. She probably wouldn't appreciate getting hit on while waiting to see a doctor. You're there to help your uncle, how about focussing on that instead? The poor man can't help it if he has to fart a lot.
Algorithm 24
"Today, some asshole tried hitting on me at the doctor's office. He was perfectly healthy and there to escort his sick relative. I was more preoccupied with whether I was going to have to miss work the next day and get fired/whether the lump in my breast was cancer/how I was going to pay for my surgery/insert five million possible scenarios here. FML."
v4valour 15
Guess you can say she was Gone with the Wind.