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The all-time greatest FMLs

Lie by omission

By Anonymous - 19/04/2023 18:00 - United States - Moyock

Today, I found out the guy I was talking and mutually flirty with is married. I was under the impression that he was divorced, up until when he told me that he's married and assumed that I knew. He says he's in a loveless marriage because his wife cheated and they're staying together for their little kid. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 170

Kinda sus, dude

By Owie - 14/06/2023 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I had to go to the ER to treat a sprain on my left arm. What caused it? A phone. You read that right. A phone. Particularly, my husband’s phone. It was on the table where I was standing and with one swift motion, he yanked my arm, pulled me out of the way, and snatched the thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 102

Clean-freak criminal

By Bryce - 13/06/2021 04:00

Today, some dumbass broke one of my car's windows to steal the pack of disinfecting wipes I just bought a few hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 78

Food ****

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 22:01

Today, I decided to start eating healthier, so I had fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and a chicken salad for lunch. My stomach violently rejected both meals in a fountain of vomit. I later ate a giant McDonald’s meal with no issue, and felt loads better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 352

The cat's out of the bag

By Anonymous - 02/04/2023 04:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, my partner's mother and I had been planning a little surprise get-together for his birthday. A surprise weeks in the making was ruined by my dad asking, "Aren't you supposed to be going to (his parent's town name) this afternoon?" in front of him. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 145

That's not how that works

By Bruce - 09/02/2023 14:00

Today, my alcoholic father volunteered that he was cutting back on his drinking… by switching from gin martinis to vodka martinis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 102

Wakey wakey

By zzzzzz - 30/01/2021 07:59

Today, my boyfriend had an appointment he had to wait months for, after he finally agreed to try to figure out what's making him so tired all the time. He slept through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 110

Period drama

By Kate - 24/08/2023 08:00

Today, I was an altar server at my Catholic church. I wore a long white robe and at the end of Mass, I grabbed my candle and bowed to the altar. I turned around and started walking down the aisle. The woman behind me came up quickly to tell me I had bled through my robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 122

Class struggle

By Brokeasajoke - 30/04/2022 14:00

Today, my Food Stamp application was denied because my income is apparently “too high”. I pay $1800 in rent and water, $130 for the phone and internet bill, $400 on credit cards, $150 for electricity, and $120 on car insurance. Nice to know they expect me to eat with $50/month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 615

Practice makes perfect

By Reb - 27/09/2022 03:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I posted a picture of a drawing that I was so proud of on Twitter. It was the best drawing I’ve ever done. A few minutes later, someone commented saying, “What is this?” Looks like it’s back to the drawing board for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 227

Landmine

By Anonymous - 03/04/2021 00:30

Today, my sister told everyone she doesn't get mad at people anymore, and just accepts it. Today is also the day she folded laundry and threw my clothes around my room. Still not mad, just passive aggressive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 129

Getting on a bit

By Anonymous - 01/03/2022 12:00 - Germany - Leer

Today, I’m at that glorious age where I have to pull apart my wrinkles to get at the zits hiding inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 116

People are people

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 08:02 - Netherlands - Almere

Today, after almost 2 months of working from home alone, I was out walking and heard 2 guys talking. One was sitting in his car smoking weed; the other was standing next to the car telling him how he was tested positive today. Maybe not mention you are Covid positive when you're not supposed to be in public at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 168

By Username - 11/08/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, I have a horrible hangover. My mom also decided it was a good day to go hiking. I ended up puking on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 1 574

In sickness but mainly in health

By Tiff - 27/11/2023 16:00

Today, during our wedding, my new husband said that he’d divorce me if I “let myself go.” Later, he couldn’t understand why I'd got upset and told me, “Why are you so worked up for? If you don’t want that to happen, just eat healthy and exercise daily, it's not that hard.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 315

Well done!

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 17:01

Today, I got congratulations at work for being "so focused" and "not spending time on my phone." I didn't have the heart to tell my manager I don't spend time on my phone because I have no friends to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 164

Funny how?

By WTF, Mom?? - 13/10/2023 09:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, one of my coworkers decided it'd be funny to tell our boss that I made creepy comments about his teenage daughter. The worst part is that the aforementioned lying coworker is my mother. I wish I was joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 118

Toxic

By Anonymous - 21/10/2022 02:00

Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend ever wants to hug me is just after he's let off a fart and wants to pull me into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 177

Latergram

By Anonymous - 21/06/2023 10:00

Today, I made it halfway through saying "Happy Father's Day" before he interrupted to send me to do an unimportant chore. When I finished, he’d opened the beer I'd bought him, despite it being 7:30am, but he was convinced it was a bribe because I wanted something from him. I don’t know why I bother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 111

Hair issues

By Blake - 26/08/2022 00:00

Today, my wife is angry with me because after she'd convinced me to grow out my hair, it exposed my receding hairline. I shaved my head to the same appearance as when she married me, so I could feel more comfortable with my own body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 130

Internet doctor

By Anonymous - 06/06/2022 02:00 - Switzerland

Today, a patient in the emergency department insisted on needing a treatment, and got mad at me when I told him it was nonsense. His "proof" was a Tik Tok-video he once saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 116

Cat people

By I’ll never see them again - 13/10/2022 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my cat tried to escape when I opened my front door. I noticed that whenever I start babbling and making random sounds, he stops dead and just stares at me in confusion, before walking back in. With my luck, however, this time my neighbor heard everything. They walked quickly away, as if they'd seen a ghost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 217

Facebook weirdos

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 00:00

Today, the new cute guy at work friended me, but when he saw all my posts about how I’m going to Australia in a week for a 2-year work study, he posted a sarcastic comment, then unfriended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 179

Find me someone to love

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 22:01

Today, I re-started the Grindr app several times because I wasn’t receiving notifications. Turns out it wasn’t malfunctioning, it was just that I didn’t get a single message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 399

Half man, half armchair

By Anonymous - 23/06/2023 15:00

Today, one of my kids thought it would be funny to superglue me to my armchair while I was asleep, except they’re idiots who used way too much. I am now fused to the cushions and had to call an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 154

Jumping the gun

By kylie b - 06/09/2023 16:00

Today, my mom noticed that there weren’t any tampons in the trashcan during my usual time of the month, and promptly grounded me. I’m not pregnant, I just skip periods sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 115

Who goes there?

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 23:01

Today, I live in a studio and I can hear really weird noises coming from my neighbours, my walls, my floor, and even inside, without knowing what did fall/scratch/move. I seriously wonder if someone lives hidden in the walls. I don't know if I should call the cops, a psychiatrist, or an exorcist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 112

Tickle time

By Anonymous - 07/11/2022 12:00

Today, I'm a trained soldier with tours of duty under my belt, 6 foot tall with scars and tattoos, and yet I still can’t beat my brother in a fight because he cheats by tickling me until I can’t breathe or piss myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 285

You tried

By LostAlice - 28/03/2021 17:01

Today, I requested a deadline extension at work. The extension was granted, but it didn't apply to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 93

She'll grow out of it

By Anonymous - 20/06/2022 16:00

Today, my two month-old continued teething. Her mouth is too small for teethers and pacifiers because she’s small for her age, she only thing giving her relief is using my breast as a teether. I’m cut and bruised, and there's no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 1 162

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The Top

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 165

You deserved it 41 774

Today, I was given the ultimate ultimatum: either I suffer excruciating stomach pains and remain a hostage to the porcelain whirlpool goddess, or I stop taking pain medication and face the wrath of a raging infection in my jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 867

You deserved it 3 129

Today, while out with my boyfriend, I gave a beggar some cash, who then smiled at me and said to my boyfriend, "You have a beautiful little lady, take good care of her." Flattered, I hoped my boyfriend would agree with the compliment. He turned and said, "Hear that? He said you were little." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 209

You deserved it 5 294

Today, my boyfriend told me I had to get rid of my cats, or he would leave. He punched a hole in my wall when I told him I chose the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 551

You deserved it 420

Today, for the third time, I’ve had to clean a puddle of pee from the bathroom floor. I live alone, and I’m a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 572

Today, I proudly showed off my new DIY bookshelf to my family. Everyone seemed impressed until my cat jumped on it, the whole thing collapsed, and it narrowly missed my grandmother. Now my family thinks I need to hire professionals for every project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 570