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The all-time greatest FMLs

Freak Scene

By antsgomarching - 06/10/2020 17:01

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I felt an itch on my arm. Then another. Then another. I finally looked to see what was going on, only to find a bunch of ants crawling in my bed. They were somehow getting in through the closed window. Guess I’m done sleeping tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 134

Hairy situation

By hair today gone tomorrow - 23/04/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, a guy I liked came to pick me up for our first date. As he opened the car door, I noticed nearly an inch of dog hair on every surface of the interior. Not wanting to get it all over me, I asked if we could take my car instead. He was so “insulted” he drove off and left me standing there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 446

Joe's at it again

By bourneenemy - 19/01/2022 20:01 - United States - Pico Rivera

Today, same as recently, there's some guy constantly standing in front of my building waiting for me to come out, just to stare at me and then get mad when I walk to my car, to the store, to the bank, and even followed me into the lobby to see what floor I get off at, like a weirdo. What should I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 157

Make it quick

By Anonymous - 01/07/2022 22:00

Today, I miss the days when I was younger and my parents used to at least try to hide all the sex they were having. Now I’m all grown up, they just yell out not to come upstairs for at least 30 minutes, and they no longer even attempt to keep the noise down either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 521

911 is a joke

By ouch - 25/12/2021 14:01

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and somehow managed to pull a back muscle. I’ve been naked for 3 hours, scared to move because it hurts so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 211

But… the economy!

By Anonymous - 05/07/2022 00:00

Today, I found out that my boss was actually legally obligated to send me to the hospital after I was hit on the head while working. I had to finish the entire work day while heavily concussed, and by the time I got to the ER I had lost complete feeling in my right side. They asked me to come in the day after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 108

Not for everyone

By Anonymous - 25/06/2022 10:00

Today, and ever since I gave birth to my son, I’ve hated being a mom. I held him, waiting for the rush of love my mom told me I’d feel and… nothing, I was completely emotionless about holding my newborn son and it’s gotten worse. I really hate being a mom, and my husband just does not understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 337

Drilled

By Anonymous - 22/02/2022 14:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was having drilling work done on my teeth. My dentist slipped and drilled a hole in my cheek. I said mistakes happen, but that I didn't expect to pay for the work. They still billed me for it and sent me a prescription that I had to go and get (and pay for) in case it got infected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 136

Today, on Asshat Customers…

By Anna - 03/03/2022 03:59

Today, I waited on a party of 8. They were a bunch of obnoxious 20-something year-olds. Not only did they cause a commotion, they left the table a mess. I even found an open condom on the table. Gross. And you probably guessed it: they left no tip. Just a note on the tip line: “Lose weight fatass.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 122

Victim blaming needs to die

By KitDi19 - 06/07/2021 18:01

Today, I was hit on by a guy while I was walking my dog. He said some crude stuff about my chest. I called my husband to pick me up, and after he'd got me my husband blamed me for it, saying I should dress more conservatively. I was wearing a tank top with a zip up hoodie (unzipped) over it, jeans, and flip flops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 191

uBlock, mate

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 05:01

Today, my husband has been in a bad mood all week, so I finally demanded to know why. He told me his favourite porn site has suddenly started showing adverts, so now he can’t wank in peace anymore without pop-up ads appearing every 20 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 252

What a headache

By heckinfrick - 08/10/2020 08:01

Today, it was the day of the doctor's appointment that I've been waiting for for eight months. I woke up with a fever and had to reschedule. The next appointment is next year. Guess I have to put up with my daily migraines until 2021. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 266

Stop talking, stop talking now

By Anonymous - 03/08/2022 18:00

Today, I abandoned my wife at a family party when her sister's husband cornered me and began telling me about his amputee fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 197

By FD4 - 15/09/2018 14:30

Today, my girlfriend's parents asked if I could move their car. I started the engine and began to accelerate, not noticing that the automatic transmission was on R. I drove right into a wall behind me, shattering the rear lights. Now I owe them $150 for repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 3 256

He does have a point

By Ksweety_fml - 05/10/2019 14:00

Today, I texted someone and typed, "lol". My boyfriend asked me why I put "lol". I told him because I thought it was funny. He looked at me weird and said, "But you didn't laugh." Now he thinks I'm weird because I didn't actually laugh out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 510

Scam artists

By oldladiesbecrazy - 03/09/2021 07:59

Today, in a market, an old lady stood beside me for a few moments, not saying a word, before turning to me and screaming that I'd taken the money out of her purse. Security was called and I was given the ultimatum to either go to jail or give her the money back. Now I have no food for next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 144

Which is worse

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Hot Springs National Park

Today, I found out that my best friend of 25 years, who doesn't believe that her boyfriend raped me, unfriended me on Nintendo Switch online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 183

Twinned

By Anonymous - 11/07/2020 20:01

Today, I realized my boyfriend is a little too much like my ex, who passed away 6 years ago. Some days, it's as if I'm dating his personality doppleganger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 346

Life lessons

By Shelby - 22/11/2021 04:58

Today, in the booze aisle of Walmart at 1 a.m., an older woman asked for recommendations, telling me she's just trying to get drunk and enjoy herself as she recently found out that she's dying, signed her will that day and her family were being shitty about it. I picked a bottle, she thanked me and said, "Have a good life kid, and don't trust your fucking family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 150

It's all too much

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 02:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I took a day off from work for a doctor's appointment. It ended up taking a lot longer than I expected, because while I was on my way, my mom called to inform me that my great aunt passed away this morning. As a result, I showed up extremely late and was berated. And the worst part? It's my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 177

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 17:02 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my mom blamed me for her family knowing about my dad cheating on her. She has forgiven him after multiple affairs with different ladies, yet she blames me that her family found out because they question her decision to be with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 105

Psychotic

By lostkid - 09/05/2021 08:01

Today, my mom strictly banned me from doing any of my chores, because I missed a spot while wiping the counters. She then screamed at me for not doing my chores. When I went to go do them, she screamed at me for doing my chores when I’m not allowed. I can’t win here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 123

Imagine if we had a social safety net…

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 19:56

Today, I was called selfish for complaining about COVID lockdowns. Thanks to lockdowns, my family's restaurant has been permanently closed, I've burned through all my savings, and we are going to lose our house. I guess being upset about my family's plight is selfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 186

Kids are assholes to each other

By sphear880 - 21/05/2021 19:59

Today, I have discovered that my daughter is struggling with anorexia. When I sat down to talk with her about it, she said it’s because, "all the other kids at school keep calling her fat." She was underweight before, and has now gone to being severely underweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 129

Bunged up

By Anonymous - 12/10/2022 22:00 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today I discovered the hard way that you can rip your own butthole. Not from having sex though, I ripped my own butt because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 162

America, **** yeah

By BrazilianGal - 12/08/2021 02:01

Today, a lady at the clothing store told me to, “Stop speaking 'Mexicano', this is America!” when I was talking on the phone. I actually speak Portuguese. When I pointed this out, she verbally tortured me and threatened to, “Call the cops” if I didn’t leave her store for, “making her feel threatened.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 182

Not now, mom!

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 02:02 - United States - Gillette

Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 207

Why fish lady not white??

By Genesis - 27/09/2022 08:00

Today, my husband and I were going over costume ideas for his company’s Halloween party. I suggested to be Ariel the Little Mermaid. He scoffed, “Wow, not only are they changing her race but her body type too?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 302

You old fool

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 05:01 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, after repeatedly telling my partner's family that our daughter is allergic to peanuts, his grandfather decided to feed her one, to "see if she really is allergic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 78

Wake up Boo!

By what a dumbass - 19/05/2022 04:00

Today, my idiot roommate finally realized that a girl who follows you everywhere like a puppy, always wants to talk to you, and "accidentally" sends nudes is into you. Unfortunately, she's since moved on from him. Now I get to listen to him whine about how unfair it all is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 150

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The Top

Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 605

You deserved it 2 589

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 765

You deserved it 2 503

Today, my boss fired me because I "didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 100

You deserved it 3 850

Today my boyfriend overeats when he is upset, and normally keeps tight hold of his diet to control his weight. He assures me he’s happy about it, but since I told him I’m pregnant 3 weeks ago, he’s put on 28 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 199

Today, I finally bought an above ground pool, as wifey has insisted on one for a loooong time. It didn't cost too much, but wifey is all sulky cause it appears that a 1.8 x 3.8 x 0.9 meter pool is TOO BIG. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 170

Today, I got my husband his favorite candy and wine for Valentine's Day. He got mad and accused me of doing it to "bribe" him into bed, since he hasn't been wanting sex lately. When I asked how he could say something so cruel, he admitted that he's been cheating on me, and my gift made him feel guilty about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 108