Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML
Today, I woke up early in the morning when it was still dark to go off to work. I saw what looked like a piece of slime that my children would play with and went to pick it up. Nope. Turns out it was puppy shit. Wet, slimy puppy waste. FML
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
Today, I felt accomplished after I cleaned the whole house alone, but then I stepped backwards to admire my work and stepped into a pile of dog poop. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. Five minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog had shat in the exact same spot, apparently to make me look stupid. FML
Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML
Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML
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Top comments
QueenAfrodite 8
Okay pumpkin so what you do is call your lovely children from their holes and make them clean it up no matter how much they complain. They did it because they knew you’d clean it up.
Lalala579121 28
Not gonna lie, I was expecting this FML to end with "I don't have a dog".
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Comments (23)
Lalala579121 28
Not gonna lie, I was expecting this FML to end with "I don't have a dog".
QueenAfrodite 8
Okay pumpkin so what you do is call your lovely children from their holes and make them clean it up no matter how much they complain. They did it because they knew you’d clean it up.
jellenwood 35
Yes ma’am!
real life problems 26
YDI for failed parenting, your kids have zero respect for you
Charlie Given 28
Just tell them next time you'll put it in there beds if it's not cleaned up 😈
mccuish 25
This is when you force your kids to clean the messes up.
im_teekay 7
At least they didn't say "I didn't see it" which is the response I get (even from the 21 year old)
julfunky 29
That’s actually better. These kids said they saw it and didn’t care. The parent is not even semi-respected when they don’t even ATTEMPT to cover up the fact.
RichardPencil 32
It is true — that is gross. Good thing they had you to clean it up for them. They might eventually toughen up if they had to do it themselves!
Niall Hutchinson 8
Grounding doesn't seem to work these days, so here's something better; change the WiFi password to something very difficult and refuse to give them the password for a week. They'll soon learn to give more respect.
zuckerburg 21
If they're old enough for the internet, they're old enough to be disciplined like young adults and they wouldn't even have thought twice about a) Letting the dog out b) Cleaning up after it.
acmariner99 25
Stick the kids noses in it, then make them clean it up.
Selene1090 26
Sounds like you need to start being a parent. Start with making them take responsibility and having consequences. Like, making them clean up after the pet and when they dont, take away electronics. Stop doing everything for them.