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By xo007 - 04/11/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, as I stepped into the shower, I slipped and fell over the edge of the tub, pulling the shower curtain down with me. I called my roommate to help me up as I put on a towel over me. But before she could help me up, she grabbed her phone to take a picture. The picture became a mass text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 792

You deserved it 3 743

What are you doing, human?

By Anonymous - 30/04/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were starting to get freaky. He was rubbing himself on my lady parts and I looked over to my side where my dog was intensely following my man’s junk with her eyes. I laughed so hard I farted, peed myself, and broke a cup in under 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 540

By Cinnamon - 18/07/2011 00:04 - Jamaica

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 224

You deserved it 4 380

By DrunkenMum - 20/07/2019 12:00

Today, I’m on holiday with my mum. She got so pissed, she fell over on the dance floor at the children’s disco, then had to rely on a stranger to keep her upright so I could go get the car to take her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 14:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 199

You deserved it 17 284

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 08:39 - United Kingdom

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 390

You deserved it 1 741

Cosy chat

By sick and awkward - 20/05/2012 06:11 - United States - Silver Spring

Spicy

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 381

You deserved it 3 591

By greeter - 18/10/2016 06:49 - Canada - Willow Grove

Today, my class had a very important meeting about workplace safety. I thought I led some of my classmates to the meeting very well, until they informed me that I accidentally ran a red light on the way there. They brought this infraction up during the class every chance they got. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 101

You deserved it 3 427

Brief encounter

By stephiew - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 194

You deserved it 2 624

By gibbette - 28/04/2013 17:32 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 599

You deserved it 7 324

Do I know you?

By steph2052 - 13/07/2011 00:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I came across the topic of school while chatting. He asked me what high school I went to and where I moved from. I have lived here my whole life, he was my crush for four years, and was in my classes throughout those years. He doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 784

You deserved it 3 988

Get me out of here

By seekerglow176 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Natick

Spicy

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about buttfucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 686

You deserved it 5 356

Fashionista

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 00:25 - United States - Newark

Spicy

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 634

You deserved it 5 734

By funy_hunie - 02/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 660

You deserved it 250

Where are you? Oh, there you are

By stood-up - 12/09/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I filed a missing persons report on my boyfriend. He was out fishing and then was supposed to meet me for a romantic weekend getaway. He never showed up and didn't respond to my texts. I found out, courtesy of a voicemail from the sheriff's department, that he'd broken up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 709

You deserved it 4 985

By storyteller - 04/10/2016 16:29 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I noticed I've been an Amazon Prime member for 2 years and never knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 482

You deserved it 3 659

By Yoda - 08/07/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 983

You deserved it 4 900

By floppy - 09/08/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, my house caught fire and almost burned down. My neighbour, who has always hated me, came up, patted me on the back, and said, "That sucks for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 126

By cowgirl927 - 18/04/2013 11:26 - United States

Today, I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone, I walked into the kitchen to where it was quiet and slid across the floor, falling on my butt and losing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayed the floor with nonstick cooking spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 758

You deserved it 6 472

cowgirl927 tells us more.

cowgirl927 3

Friday 19 April 2013 4:25

OP here. Hi. Just wanted to say that I am extremely overprotective of my son. The house IS baby-proofed. The spray is always put up...this was the one time someone(not me) didn't put it up on its shelf. And I wasn't ignoring him. This is your standard, garden-variety "I stepped out of the room for one minute" kind of deal. Most moms know exactly what I'm talking about. So chill out some of you.

By LindsayK - 09/04/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, my step-mother threw a surprise party on my acceptance to college. People kept telling me how delightfully shocked and happy they are for me. "UPenn" was written everywhere, when I really got into Penn State. Everyone thinks I'm going to an Ivy League. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 481

You deserved it 5 145

By JordLostItagain3 - 21/09/2016 07:17 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I left my wallet on the train again. You'd think I'd be extra careful after losing it once. That's 3 times this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 033

You deserved it 15 251

JordLostItagain3 tells us more.

JordLostItagain3 3

Thursday 22 September 2016 5:06

Hey guys op here! Still no sign of the wallet, had no cash in it fortunately but replacing the cards is a hassle. First time i lost it, some old lady handed it into the bank. One of the train cleaners gave me a call after i lost the second one. Hoping 3rd times the charm? I'm a 20 year old uni student and it takes me about 2hrs to get to and from uni. Basically i live on trains. I've never lost my wallet prior to this year though! Some of you might be saying how could you lose it again!? Well, i think i was too preoccupied trying to text this girl i really like... until it dawned on me when i changed platforms. The sudden realisation as you furiously check your bag is the worst. Looks like i'm investing in a chain wallet from now on:) I'll let you all know if it magically appears(hopefully). If you guys find a black wallet with a bunch of cards give me a heads up! haha

By Anonymous - 08/04/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 315

By DeathPopStar666 - 19/08/2019 14:00

Today, my grandma calls me, accusing me of theft. I was home all day and watching Orange Is The New Black. When I asked what I stole, she said her car keys. I don’t even have my license. I told her to look in her purse. She found them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 872

You deserved it 140

American Psycho

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 16:00

Today, I visited my son at work and found his secretary in the foetal position under her desk, crying. According to my son, she does that sometimes when he yells at her for making basic mistakes. My god, I’ve raised a high-powered corporate monster. Fuck that poor girl's life and also, FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 1 235

By Anonymous - 10/04/2013 09:06 - United States

Today, I was riding a new horse when a lawnmower starting up spooked her. She jumped straight up in the air and I landed directly on the saddle horn. I can't walk or feel anything between my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 015

You deserved it 4 227

By toothbreaker - 22/08/2019 11:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I bought my very first college textbook. I received a stack of hole-punched papers. My $195 "book" isn’t even bound together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 860

You deserved it 195

Perv!

By Thithien1 - 01/04/2009 06:07 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 930

You deserved it 12 680

Judgmental much?

By Steven - 03/09/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Llanelli

Today, at a supermarket, I ran into a girl I knew in high school. She had two kids with her and they were buying school supplies. My cart was full of beer and snacks. After a chat, she left, not before saying, "I hope things get better for you." I have a job and a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 687

You deserved it 274

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 04:38 - United States

Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 324

You deserved it 35 739

By horniness - 10/10/2009 16:30 - Hong Kong

Today, I was in a bad mood after being stuck in traffic for 2 hours and late for work. I was walking to my building when I saw a 100 dollar note flying my way. A man called after me for it, but being selfish I took the note in my pocket as a little reward. That man was my boss. Yes, I'm fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 046

You deserved it 74 997

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I used a fire extinguisher for the first time. Too bad it was on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 309

You deserved it 3 569

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 348

You deserved it 8 135

Today, I've been working abroad. The holiday request I put in two months ago and that was verbally approved came back denied today as they can't find cover. I have already booked my flights, can't cancel them, and I get to spend Christmas alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 801

You deserved it 753

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 048

You deserved it 12 460

Today, has been a very long day, so I shall simply say there is a car in my bedroom. Yes a car. It's entirely my husband's fault, we have no idea how we're supposed to remove it, and there's oil all down my favourite pyjamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 650

You deserved it 336

Today, I started my first day as a waitress. After getting my ass slapped, drinks and food spilled over me, and being tripped by a bratty kid, my tips were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 192

You deserved it 2 663