Today, I was yelled at by my mum for not wanting to get a spray tan for my cousin's wedding because if I don't, I will "shine like a beacon of disrespect" among the other attendees. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML
Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML
Today, I was called a wimp for getting a sunburn. FML
Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML
Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML
Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML
Today, I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid at my sister's wedding, but she doesn’t want me in the photos because I’m over a foot taller than her and the other bridesmaids, and it will look silly in the photos. I told her I won’t even bother attending, and mom actually took her side. FML
Today, my best friend informed me that I could not be her maid of honour because I "wasn't as pretty as the other bridesmaids" and she wanted her wedding photos to have "consistency". FML
Today, I went to visit my overly-posh mother for the first time in many years. Upon arrival, she kicked me out because my outfit did not follow the same color-scheme as her decor. FML
Today, my mom spent an hour lecturing me on how I'm a doormat who lets people walk all over me, and that I needed to be more assertive. So I stood up and told my dad, no, I am not going on that forestry camp he wants me to go to. Mom sat silently by as he screamed and grounded me for the entire summer. FML
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Top comments
L3Paparazzo 7
its okay not to look like a Oompa Loompa :P
artc91 0
Wow, i really can't figure out why that matters.
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Comments (195)
L3Paparazzo 7
its okay not to look like a Oompa Loompa :P
Tomahawk00984 0
it's oompa-loompa. but I get what you're talking about, LOL.
artc91 0
4 - Really? Cmon... really bro?
chili10 18
tomahawk, really? i don't know.. I don't think that's what she meant.
riceicle1 6
Well Op is from Wigan so yeah everyone else we be an Oompa Loompa
riceicle1 6
Well Op is from Wigan so yeah everyone else we be an Oompa Loompa
lalallamas 0
or snooki...
Agiggleaday 0
Go swimming and get a tan that way.
Gondile 4
But you get to sing a bad ass song!
newzealand 28
Chances are shes not, but lets say OP is a ginger.. you cant spray tan a ginger that's just cruel!! You make me sick OP's mum!
MilkShakez 0
spray tanning a ginger would be like giving it a second disease
princessRiRi97 0
lol who really wants to look like the cast of the jersey shore besides jucieheads and granades
herrobear 0
Tell her to stfu and use flawless logic to make her feel dumb. Usually means you won.
Imrussian24 2
43-I would rather look like an oompa loompa...
DrJesse 10
108,aren't they basically the same thing?
simranlove 3
truetrue, 121. i get them confused all the time if i watch wily wonka after watching jersey shore :P
lunargh 7
@54 - swimming? Ha! You've never been to Wigan; if OP went swimming she'd be more likely to come back blue than tanned :P
aregan_fml 0
usually I don't get too tan underwater
qqaz 6
You tan more quickly when you're wet.
fthislyfe 22
hahaha she was right we've had enough of glittery vampires and stuff
uglygurl 0
wow go eat some poop!
thunderbass13 0
how'd twilight come from a fml about tanning?
Agiggleaday 0
Edward is white and OP is too. Glitters cool though so OP just needs to throw some on himself.
Troy_K 7
He never mentioned anything about Twilight. So you should ask yourself that question! lol.
Takador 3
"He" is a She...
kc1997kc 9
the OP's username is vampire, that is the root cause of the twilight reference
alexdaguitarman 0
anything but twilight:(
whippymcdumb4zs 0
it's extremely heartbreaking to know that the term "vampire" instantly makes people think of those half retarded books and movies.... :'(
Troy_K 7
70 - I'm making a comment to 46 who is the one that brought up Twilight. 46 is commenting on 2. 2 does not have their gender specified in their profile, and their name doesn't specify it either. Therefore, when a gender cannot be verified, it is masculine. Know what you're saying and talking about before you correct me please.
wtfcammelcheese 0
are half of these people retarded of course it's twilight they're the only vampires that sparkle hence the meme "vampires aren't supposed to sparkle"
kei1108 13
Idk if I were you, I'd just put "he/she or "she/he". just to be safe. because we shouldn't assume everything is male.. haha
Darcon 8
Looooool! FYL!
EatnBeef 7
get out in the sun more often lol. although, I'm not sure how it shines in the UK.
XXizzlerXX 0
spray tans make ppl look like carrots lol
rattusrattus 19
111 - it never shines here in the UK. Even when the sun is shining, its not really shining. We live under permanently rainy grey skies. :( OK, I'm joking.
ugliness 6
up here in Scotland we've had about 3 sunny days this year :) hoping for 4
ncvolley123 8
Wow, how old are you?
artc91 0
Wow, i really can't figure out why that matters.
SpeakingMyMind 0
^win
Sad_Little_Troll 0
None of your business.
1215116a 14
5 should talk, she's only 13.
SpeakingMyMind 0
It's okay though, she has a blog; who wouldn't want to read about a 13 year old girls' life? *sarcasm*
im_so_ninja 0
104- I like your pic
ncvolley123 8
i would change my bio put the app crashes, and why r u guys spendin time to bag on me? have no life I see
nikazone 0
Pretty sure it matters cause its un ethicly right to force someone underage to get a tan or to emotionally abuse someone ( your own daughter for **** sakes ) just because they wont get a tan. Dunno if its illegal there but it is here. ****** up world we live in when a mother hurts her child because of her looks.
Tomahawk00984 0
You know your mom was a sorority bitch when she's THAT obsessed with appearance that she's willing to make EVERYONE ELSE degrade to make herself (or whoever) look better.
Darcon 8
You r insulting OPs mother.. Thats harmful and u will hurt her feelings if she reads ur comment. U inconsiderate dehydrated camel
ImaginaryFoe 1
Say it loud, you're a pale beacon of disrespect and proud! I don't know how being un-tanned is disrespectful but your mum is funny, OP. From now on anyone who agitates me is a beacon of disrespect. Kudos to you (and #8) for sticking with what you believe to be your best look. A high self-concept is more important than someone else's trendy notion of what looks good.
SirEBC 7
That's a little much, eh? I see your point, but "trendy notion of what looks good"? Maybe some people just like being tanned. O_o
artc91 0
LOL! Dehydrated camel?!
ninjacutie 6
same here! I just keep getting paler! I prefer pale on me! some people naturally belong pale, and those of you who aren't naturally born pale and should be tan, I don't prefer spray tans cause it's fake but it's ENTIRELY THEIR CHOICE :P
kingtz 6
Dehydrated camel has just become my new favorite insult!
1215116a 14
8, I highly doubt op's mom will read these.
1215116a 14
Wrong comment and number....sorry I fail...here comes the thumbs down.... -.-
bibit1990 2
don't worry, I thumbed up to make you feel better..lol. :D
DoubleRainbows 1
i agree. in America, people pay to look tanned. but in asia, tanned people pay to look as white as possible.
Norbury 6
highly doubt that. Wigan being in the UK and all, where we don't have sororities. more likely she's a scally.
odexy 12
I never quite understood the obsession with tanning. I'm naturally very pale and I love it.
dragonaair 5
me too!
patebishop 7
You're probably very pale because you stay inside all day and never get out in the sun, emo bitch.
ugliness 6
I love my pale skin :D but for the most part my light sensitive migraines, my slight photophobia and Ginger genes I can't really go out :/ I'm like a vampire >:3
odexy 12
Yeah, no. First of all, I'm not emo. Second of all, I just plain don't tan. I can't use this Summer as an example because it's either been cold or rainy all month, but last year I spent 3 hours walking around Ottawa in 40+ degree weather and didn't even tan a bit. The next day I went canoeing for an hour and used a weaker SPF sunscreen but still no dice. I wanted to see what I looked like tan but I guess it just isn't in the cards for me.
patebishop 7
you look like a guy 157
taka3000000o 8
I'm naturally tan so I don't have a problem with tanning :D but then again I am Latino
ATLforever7 6
You only look like an oompa-loompa if the person doing it is a dumbass.
TheDrifter 24
You will to the rest of us. Did you think nobody notices the chemical dye orange/bronze color it turns you, even when done properly?
ATLforever7 6
I've only done it once since I'm naturally very pale, and I didn't have an orangey look at all. As long as you go for a color that looks natural, you won't get the oompa-loompa effect. But I can't argue with the fact that a lot of people who get it done overdo it.
karagarren 8
people seem to have a stereotype that anyone who does it even once will look like an oompa loompa. it looks fine if you do it once or twice. but after that you're a snooki.
seracy13 0
**** your mom! rock the natural look baby :)
Darcon 8
why u saying to '**** her mum' ? She could be 80 for all u know. ************.
stevendsi 0
seracy13 was saying that her moms opinion doesn't matter
deathmetalkill 3
******* your mom would be gross, perv. hehe
marix54888 0
188- grow up and if my mom said that I would say "you and your tanness show a disrespect of individuality so shove it"
AnimalLover1031 8
Good choice!!
Soloman212 28
Finally, someone understands! The OP is a huge jerk for disregarding the theme and being a party-pooper.
iOceanus 18
I'm only commenting so this FML will have 200 comments exactly because I like the look of that.
DanniNell 13
Was it some kind of Jersey Shore themed wedding?
Aryan_Sheen 0
****** I was about to say that.
golfcartdaze 0
your picture is winning^^