Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML
Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say, "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, I was leaving work to go home and ran into some people setting up an event in one of our rooms. In my socially anxious way, I told them they couldn’t use our equipment by saying my boss is a massive bitch. Turns out he knows my boss and disagrees. I hope he doesn’t say anything. FML
Today, after a badly misjudged hand signal, I accidentally hit my boss in the face instead of high-fiving her. FML
Today, I was on a work call when my coworker made an accidental Freudian slip. Thinking I was muted, I muttered, "That’s what she said." I wasn’t muted. FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, for some reason, I called my boss "Mum" in a meeting. To make it worse, I panicked and followed it up with, “Can I have a raise?” Everyone laughed except my boss. FML
Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML
Today, I accidentally sent a text message meant for my best friend to my boss. The text was about how much I hated my job and my boss's constant micromanagement. FML
Today, I had an argument with my boss and tried to text a friend about it. I accidentally texted my boss instead. FML
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Top comments
ChazzyWazzy1998 10
Rule #9, don't blurt the rules in front of the boss.
SiHa00095 15
Your boss sounds like Gibbs from NCIS with all the rules.
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Comments (64)
ChazzyWazzy1998 10
Rule #9, don't blurt the rules in front of the boss.
Gunnie 24
Tsk tsk tsk! You didn't follow the rules!
cb1002630 11
"Learn your rules, you'd better learn your rules- if you don't you'll be eaten in your sleep! ARGH!"
anonymousguy1569_fml_fml 8
I'm pretty sure not telling the boss would be Rule #1?
SiHa00095 15
Your boss sounds like Gibbs from NCIS with all the rules.
summerguy97 16
His coworkers were probably just messing with him.
allforyoux3 25
So OP must be the McGee of the group.
bamagrl410 31
His co-workers should now follow up with a smack to the back of the head for doing something stupid.
bigtwan1983 4
So many NCIS fans...makes me proud. The probie gotta learn the hard way.
jojimugo 20
Not McGee it has to be Jimmy
chanta24 10
"Get back to work McGee!!!!!!"
Pleonasm 36
The first rule about Diss Club is you DO NOT TALK ABOUT DISS CLUB
DocBastard 40
Where the hell do you work, Fight Club?
waffule365 16
Rule number two you do not talk about Fight club
Hentai_fml 6
Rule #3 you don't talk about fight club.
evilscorpi 29
rule # 4 don't repeat
ALlamaOnFire 20
1st RULE: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB. 2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about FIGHT CLUB. 3rd RULE: If someone says "stop" or goes limp, taps out the fight is over. 4th RULE: Only two guys to a fight. 5th RULE: One fight at a time. 6th RULE: No shirts, no shoes. 7th RULE: Fights will go on as long as they have to. 8th RULE: If this is your first night at FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight.
jem970 19
I have never seen that movie... I am guessing you have. A lot.
countryrose92 23
I have not seen fight club just because it didn't seem interesting to me, but before you banish me I will leave my house right now to go find it and watch it. Lol
jem970 19
Wow! Is it that serious? I havent ever seen it and I live in the USA so it isn't banned but I just don't see the appeal of the movie, kinda like the Boondock Saints (if thats not how its spelled I am sorry). Never seen that either, don't anyone hit me...
jem970 19
#36! I saw it in the $5 movie box at walmart! Try there!
Palirose 22
I actually didn't see it until like last year. Same with Scarface. Lol
DropTheDaggerxx 31
This is the best thread on FML. Tyler Durden would be extremely proud. Also- it's not just a movie! Check out the book too. It's great.
countryrose92 23
Well then, on my way to Walmart now. :)
AllThingsBright_ 11
Were you nervous? Why would you say it out loud?
IAmJad 18
"I nervously started a new job".
AllThingsBright_ 11
23- Suddenly, life makes more sense. My mistake!
snufflebubble 13
Ouch. That's not a great start. First impressions and everything...
2035 9
Now you ruined it for everyone
peanutfoo 19
That's really funny.. I don't see how this is an FML though? Is it because the boss is mean?
imyourmom 7
Your work place is interesting
iTag_Skorn 4
Damn. Well I hope he didn't reply," Rule #8 fire the new guy".
gc327072 31
Rule 10, clause 2: it is ok to thumb up your own comment, so long as it has a +10 or higher.