Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, excited that I finally got a place of my own, I invited my boyfriend over for a sexy sleep over. He told me his mom doesn't want him sleeping over. He's 21 years old. FML
Today, I’m 20 and my mom is well aware I’m having sex. Nonetheless, this morning when my boyfriend was going down on me under the covers, she marched into my room without knocking, dumped a load of wet laundry on my sofa, and walked back out. FML
Today, I was woken up at 11:30 am by my mother standing over my bed, screaming at me. I'm 30 years-old, married, and do not live with her. She broke into my house because I didn't answer my phone, because I'm sick and on prescription sleep meds. WTF? FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML
Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML
Today, my alarm went off at 6:30am. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year-old guy. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Wolowitz? Bazinga!
misspulkadot24 17
Perhaps it's time for mommy to let go of baby. Because baby is 20 and baby can make his own decisions. Simplify it for her. Or else you will have to start wearing diapers and needing bottles.
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Comments (138)
perdix 31
Wolowitz? Bazinga!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
"I'M A GROWN MAN, MA!"
error404n0tf0und 21
faith in humanity restored
videogamer123 4
Also said broke in MY house
B00M3R_S00N3R 11
#6 Your picture is very fitting to your comment...
MrBrightside21 20
"For God's sake, Ma, I'm 26 years old! " "Excuse me, Mr. Grownup! What do you want for breakfast?!" "Chocolate milk and Eggos, please!"
GingerNinja7 17
"I hope to god you used protection, i don't want you getting one of those fancy new sex diseases, i share a toilet with you!"
GoodLookingGeese 10
"Have you met my mother? I live in Jewish Hell"
Ziggy122 15
"HOWAHHHHHD!"
NightHawk387 22
If it was Howard's mom, she would've told him to get ready for school.
NotASquirrel 19
She was mad because it was a school night and he had friends sleeping over.
misspulkadot24 17
Perhaps it's time for mommy to let go of baby. Because baby is 20 and baby can make his own decisions. Simplify it for her. Or else you will have to start wearing diapers and needing bottles.
uhhSavage 22
Let's get him a bib for his birthday! (:
Enslaved 38
"Nobody puts Baby in the corner!"
jameen 11
It's time to choose the main woman in your life
bamagrl410 31
I get the feeling my mother would do something like this to me. I sympathize, and FYL.
cuponoodles34 10
mom will always be a man's number one woman no matter what
RedPillSucks 33
She's certainly making sure of that by breaking into his house. Yikes
moonwing 17
74: not necessarily... Not unless he plans on living with her the rest of his life. There's a time in a child's life when they need to be on their own to grow. There's nothing wrong whatsoever with loving your mother, but some moms take it a little too far. If OP is living on his own and is 20, then it's time for Mom to cut the apron strings.
Kkkdawg 27
How is 74 getting thumbed down!? That was sweet!
cmayer 20
74 is Norman bates.
mosiz 3
Perhaps its time for "baby" to get his own pad. Mom's house, mom's rules...
Dynosaur_dollie 38
#139 op said his mom broke in, which implies they already have their own pad. Mums just a little crazy. #74 there's a lot of cases where that's not true and probably for the better.
fmyluff 7
Tell mommy to get her own boyfriend
SuperdudeGuy 8
Not quite.
Paco_el_Taco 17
No matter what age, you will always be mommy's little boy. However, that is still a little much...
Enslaved 38
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living my baby you'll be." That "Love You Forever" book made cutting the apron strings tough for some!:P
SMHsohard 22
Never did like that book, I couldn't read those lines out loud without gagging. I love my kid and my kid she will always be, but gotta cut that cord sooner or later. My over protective parent was my dad, and the reason I went to a college out of state-close enough I could get home if something happened, but too far away for him to just drop in.
cupcakechick 17
she sounds like an overly attached mother
Sandman366 6
Sounds like Marie Barone....
MagicGiraffe 12
Sounds like alotta... HOOPLAH!
emeraldisle 30
She broke into your house just to tell you that? Has she never heard of a phone?
RedPillSucks 33
Amish mom with boundary issues?
Wizardo 34
She seriously needs to get over you leaving, talk to her about it and install deadbolts everywhere...
error404n0tf0und 21
bellow this comment will be some very poor puns, I bet you!
truesarrif 33
still waiting on puns ..
error404n0tf0und 21
me to
AwsumShyGuy 12
I think all your puns aren't breaking through.
HowieDoIt 21
Yo momma is so fat she sat on a dollar to try to help your comment make cents.
MrsPegg 45
Yea... OP seriously needs to break through the chains his mom has on him.
RedPillSucks 33
all your puns are belong to us.
makeyourmark 4
Time to move out?
Paco_el_Taco 17
Obviously you missed the part where OP said "his house" but that's what happens when you don't take 5 seconds to read the fml.
TheAbstract 15
He can't see through all that hair, man.
not_a_robot 15
Honestly I think that it's pretty damn impressive that this guy has his own house at age 20, even if the bills are split.
laden_swallow09 35
Here. Let me fix that for you, 11. "Time to move out of the country?"
hryffff 11
Don't worry. At least she cares about you enough to wake you up for work!
buckeyed 20
but at this point, it sounds like a much more selfish pursuit rather than a selfless one.