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OP here. I love my boyfriend, but you wouldn't BELIEVE how lazy and unmotivated he is sometimes. I think his attitude of not giving a **** goes back to how he's always been fed with a silver spoon and been given EVERYTHING in life. He feels as if he doesn't need to do anything, and that it's all up to everyone else. That goes for getting a job and earning money to pay the bills as well as stupid stuff like this. His attitude is "if they can figure it out, why should I care?" That doesn't make him a bad person, but it's hugely insensitive. I wouldn't be surprised if most of the people here talking crap about me are exactly the same as he is. That "your" vs "you're" thing bugs the hell out of me anyway and it's not like committing the difference to memory is a hard thing. Long rant done, thanks. Edit: I didn't mean to reply to this comment. :S

By Anonymous - 03/06/2011 01:07 - United States

Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 382

You deserved it 3 543

Emo teens

By Blanid - 22/05/2021 08:01

Today, my roommate’s 17 year-old daughter got broken up with. She locked herself in her room and won’t stop playing "Driver’s License" by Olivia Rodrigo on a continuous loop. Not to mention sounding like an agonizing cat while screaming its lyrics. It’s been 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 160

Social skills

By justfired - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I got fired from my job for not "interacting with customers." That's understandable. The thing is, my job didn't actually include any customer interaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 996

You deserved it 3 265

Mrs Heckles?

By loud sweeper - 07/10/2019 06:00

Today, my batshit crazy downstairs neighbor threatened me with "legal action" for making too much noise. According to her, it’s "illegal" for people in upstairs apartments to use vacuum cleaners, therefore I must sweep my carpets to avoid disturbing her and her imaginary guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 155

You deserved it 141

By sheilob - 24/03/2012 23:06 - Australia - Camden

Today, I witnessed my husband swat a coffee bean over and over again, all the while mistaking it for a fly. I then figured he probably has a lower IQ than I do, which wouldn't be so bad if mine wasn't a few points away from minor retardation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 639

You deserved it 6 328

Yaaaaaay!

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 670

You deserved it 4 545

Leave us alone

By SweethomeAlabama - 01/06/2021 00:00 - Turkey - Konya

Today, a customer asked me if I was my husband's sister. A little flabbergasted, I replied, "No, I'm his wife." He went on to say, "Ah! But surely, you're related? Cousins?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 194

By depresso - 13/03/2009 05:30 - Canada

Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116 185

You deserved it 5 099

Preparation

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 12:00

Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, but when I told him anal takes prep, like stretching and lubing, and you can’t just jam a knob up there like in a porno, he lost all interest, asked for a blowjob, and when I said no, he started sulking. I struggle to remember why I’m with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 675

You deserved it 499

By Anonymous - 24/02/2013 19:58 - United States - Everett

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 288

You deserved it 8 743

By Catuser - 06/03/2014 03:09 - United States - Bracey

Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 227

You deserved it 55 472

Catuser tells us more.

Catuser 14

Saturday 8 March 2014 6:09

This is the follow up: My teacher did laugh it off but sternly told me to never do it again or I will be suspended from her class. Thanks for publishing my first FML!

By Anonymous - 19/09/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my unemployed boyfriend and I went to the casino. I gave him twenty dollars to play on. He won $1000 on a dollar machine then jackpotted the ten dollar machine for $20,000. When we got home he broke up with me. I have been working two jobs to get our own place. Move in Date?? 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 833

You deserved it 5 179

For life

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got my first tattoo. When I showed my boyfriend, he asked where I got the design. I told him I saw it in a sketch book of his. He designed it for his last girlfriend, who got it in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 331

You deserved it 62 322

Surprise !

By kelsey - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They apparently thought it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 660

You deserved it 5 101

Student Hell

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 04:00

Today, I'm studying in another city. My tutor hates me because of my looks and accent. I have no friends, computer or internet outside of uni. I live in a room I rent at an old couple's house. Due to a flimsy door, I hear everything they do or say, and vice versa. I can't move from the bed. If I do, their dog, who guards my door, starts barking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 267

You deserved it 201

By Mr.Viola - 20/06/2010 06:42 - United States

Today, my future father-in-law, a respectable New England gentleman, bought me an $8,000 viola and bow for our engagement. I was so surprised that I spit a glass of wine from a 60 year old bottle all over his custom-tailored suit. He was not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 965

You deserved it 13 833

Like a scene from a bad movie

By BWWsux - 27/08/2022 06:00

Today, I learned to never eat chicken wings, loaded mashed potatoes with sour cream, cheese, bacon, ranch, and bubbly soda prior to a esthetician appointment. I had uncontrollable gas and made the most foul smelling farts in her face while she was trying to wax my butthole. I was asked to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 2 293

By cumguzzler - 06/03/2009 16:14 - United States

Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 783

You deserved it 11 955

By nochance - 05/03/2009 16:06 - United States

Today, I received a card in the mail. It was from my vet's office. Written inside was "We send our sympathy during this trying time." I haven't been home in three days. I can't find my dog and my mother won't talk about it. My dog was 7. She hated that dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 688

You deserved it 2 762

Wedding shaming

By soccerbooty - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 493

You deserved it 8 302

By Anonymous - 17/02/2014 02:29 - United States - Hedgesville

Today, I was throwing rocks into a pond while our class was on a field trip. The teacher started to pass around an old rare civil war bullet. As the bullet got to me, I threw another rock in the river, only to notice a rock in my hand and the bullet gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 533

You deserved it 62 996

Murphy's law

By murphyslaw948 - 27/11/2019 05:00

Today, I fell for a guy after three years of being celibate, after he showed all the signs of being into me. It turns out that he likes my best friend, who is dating another guy I liked, and was just using me to compensate for her unavailability. I guess I am really a walking, talking example of Murphy's law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 953

You deserved it 245

By elizabethkalyn - 10/02/2014 20:48 - United States - Vincennes

Today, at work, a customer asked me to unlock the restroom for them. I honestly couldn't figure out which gender they were, but I didn't want to be rude and ask, so I took a chance. I unlocked the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 687

You deserved it 5 801

elizabethkalyn tells us more.

elizabethkalyn 4

Tuesday 11 February 2014 6:10

Couple of things. I couldn't have unlocked both, as the doors swing shut and relock as soon as you let them go. The customer was a natural born woman who looked and sounded a lot like a male. When they asked why I opened the men's, I just told them the women's was occupied. I have never made the mistake before and it was mortifying. She luckily was very cool about it:) also, both restrooms use the same key.