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By lyfisdyno - 12/09/2013 00:16 - United Kingdom - Malvern

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 813

You deserved it 74 111

Two states of matter

By Anonymous - 15/09/2020 05:02 - Germany

Today, I learned that is it possible to be constipated and have diarrhea at the same time. You run to the toilet every half-hour, but almost nothing comes out and you feel so bloated you could burst, while eating almost nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 146

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 13:49 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I came out of the closet, after years of fear and shame, thanks to my mom making me to go to a church full of fundies my whole life. In the end, I was in tears. All I got was a frown and a "So? Want a medal or something?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 862

You deserved it 3 800

By me - 04/11/2011 04:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 726

You deserved it 54 906

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 16:57 - United States - Avon

Today, there was an issue with the sewage system at work. It smelled like somebody took a turd, left it in the sun to marinate, threw up on it, then put in the air conditioning to fill the store with nauseating stink. I nearly threw up multiple times because we weren't allowed to leave early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 321

You deserved it 1 390

Good news

By poormom - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 438

You deserved it 29 141

By Lisa - 09/11/2018 07:00 - United States - Sedalia

Today, I developed a roll of film I'd had sitting around for years. It was all images my ex had taken of him scrubbing his ass and toilet with my electric toothbrush, which I'd used for at least a month after our breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 169

You deserved it 343

OK?

By Habit - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to my lectures is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 198

You deserved it 10 308

By sore - 04/01/2010 11:30 - France

Spicy

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 824

You deserved it 3 885

By new 2 twitter - 10/01/2017 23:23

Today, I had to make a Twitter account, because that is apparently the best way to get news from our new president. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 630

You deserved it 1 605

By moosemay - 19/01/2016 17:03 - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter to the dentist for her first check-up. We were at the front desk when she tripped, fell and chipped her front tooth on the marble floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 262

You deserved it 1 535

By Anonymous - 17/12/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, my car heater finally died. I deliver pizzas. In Alaska. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 277

You deserved it 4 265

By Anonymous - 09/01/2016 04:01 - Argentina - Lanus

Today, I was showing my step-dad old photos of the family. We got to a picture of me and I mentioned how much weight I've lost. He muttered, "Heh, fat AND blind". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 420

You deserved it 2 030

Sounds neat

By danii - 05/10/2011 03:28 - Reserved

Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 125

You deserved it 65 089

Dumbass customers

By Fitz - 29/07/2013 06:30 - United States

Today, I had a customer scream at me for ruining their child's birthday party. They had bought a Piñata from me and didn't know they had to fill it themselves. The kids had hit it open and it was empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 650

You deserved it 4 441

By Anonymous - 10/02/2017 13:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my wedding ring came off in a Walmart bathroom and fell into the toilet. It was an automatic toilet. It flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 872

You deserved it 849

So close, but yet so far

By socks - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 636

You deserved it 3 481

Rudolph is late!

By Lewis - 24/12/2018 19:00

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a reindeer? Wait... What?

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 60

By CLupo - 17/12/2015 05:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma was sent to the hospital so I called out of work. My bosses told me that if I didn't come in I would be fired. I did so, only to find out they needed me there so I could close the restaurant while they left early to go to a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 986

You deserved it 1 468

CLupo tells us more.

CLupo 10

Thursday 17 December 2015 19:13

OP here, all of the suggestions saying go to a higher up are great, but the only reason I can't do that is because it's a family owned restaurant. I am the assistant manager and I've been working there for almost a year; I've only called out twice. My bosses are the owners son and nephew. There's not much I can do about the situation other than leave the job as this isn't the first time they've left early while I closed the restaurant. Thank you all for the concern about my grandmother. She is doing alright now and she's stable.

Cost of living crisis

By hiddenplainly - 24/02/2017 10:00 - United States

Today, I did my budget. I have a good job, make decent money, and work full time, but without including any flexible spending items like groceries, I make $32 less than my bills each month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 311

You deserved it 1 245

By Anonymous - 11/12/2015 19:16 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 281

You deserved it 3 742

By Anonymous - 23/11/2010 17:35 - Canada

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 027

You deserved it 5 976

Not now

By Anonymous - 06/03/2017 04:00

Today, our cat died. My husband and I had a touching bonding moment together. Our relationship has been strained for months, and I thought this could bring us closer. He decided to bring up politics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 995

You deserved it 598

HR FML

By jobless - 01/12/2015 04:01 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, HR sent a review email to me asking me to anonymously tell them about my boss. I decided to use this opportunity to tell them what a dick he was. I printed off the review, filled it out, then scanned and emailed it to myself. Or so I thought. Turns out I'd sent the review to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 483

You deserved it 18 723

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 19:48 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said, "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 239

You deserved it 2 538

Girls will be girls

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 773

By ThatOneGuy - 28/04/2019 16:00

Today I went on a date with my long time crush only to find out that we are distant cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 588

You deserved it 244

By Sewert_5 - 10/11/2015 16:16

Today, I made a fatal mistake that may cost my company thousands of dollars. This was right after I got a recognition for my outstanding work last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 008

You deserved it 4 085

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, while walking to my flat, I spotted something white hanging over the handle bar of my parked bike. It was a very used diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 733

You deserved it 1 528

FML on Facebook

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was playing solitaire when an achievement popped up on my phone. "You have just completed your 1000th game of solitaire!" Never felt so alone in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 189

You deserved it 8 235

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 256

You deserved it 18 919

Today, I went into a cafe only to be greeted by a young boy who pulled down my leggings in line. Everyone got a look at my pink Hello Kitty panties with white frilly trimming before scrambling to pick them up. In the process, I banged my head on the counter, and fell on the floor, unconscious, pants still down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 95

Today, I went to get a haircut. The hairdresser at the counter was kind of cute, so I had to say something non-standard. When she greeted me with her hello, I replied, "Guess what I need from you today?" She looked at me, considered, and replied, "An eyebrow wax?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 466

You deserved it 39 973

Today, I superglued the sole back into my shoe. Unfortunately, the glue didn't dry as quickly as it said it would on the bottle. The glue seeped through the sole and my foot got superglued to my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 534

You deserved it 12 621

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking back to my car after a long day of work. A large SUV had parked next to mine, so I jokingly said to my girlfriend, "What do you think they're compensating for?" That's when the couple behind us unlocked their vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 126

You deserved it 4 397