Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss in my police department told me to start enforcing the "No bikes on sidewalks" law, which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with Down's syndrome, who was so upset he cried and peed. FML
Today, as I was riding my bike, I saw a bunch of cute guys checking me out. Not paying attention, I then ran into a parked police car. Besides getting laughed at, I got a ticket for damaging police property. FML
Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen, so I went to work. On my walk to work, a girl pulls up on my bike and says I needed to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. She hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass before police surrounded me and accused me of stealing my own bike. FML
Today, after being promised a job and attending five full days of training and induction for a job as a bicycle delivery officer, I was denied the job at the very end of the last day for, "riding my bicycle too quickly on the road." FML
Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML
Today, I thought everyone was smiling at me because they liked my "skateboarding behind a police motorcycle" prank. Turns out, they all saw the open sewer manhole 10 metres ahead. FML
Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML
Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML
Today, it's been two weeks since I honked, screamed, and cussed at a cyclist on the road. Since then, my car has been keyed, my tires have been slashed, bricks have been thrown at my windows, and my number has been put on Craigslist as a gay prostitute. FML
Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said, "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML
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Top comments
Kyuubi1589 1
Do the wheelie. Show em' who's boss!
iAmScrubs 19
Bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when my bike chain break loose?
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Comments (240)
Kyuubi1589 1
Do the wheelie. Show em' who's boss!
flavboarder 9
Lol
yoursucklives 36
do a barrelroll!
tehaustiebear 34
Get one of those manly bike bells to scare them off.
marinus_fml 20
Kids who do not respect pigs ought to be shot.
IceeCreamm 7
can't you arrest them or something?
enonymous 9
I hope this bike has baseball card in the spokes and tassels while he makes vroom vroom noises...
n_epic_fail 14
if a bunch of kids managed to make OP miserable imagine what a bunch of gang bangers could do O.o
TheBigFailer 0
Shoot their knee caps out then tbag them! that will show em who the bike boss is
cwissi 5
Aren't children a joy?
BagleHead 6
You did beat them with your nightstick afterwards, though, right?
EnEl_Infierno 15
fyl op. I'd like to see a punk kid try and say that to cop, even a bicycle cop, here in texas. -Kid: Bike Tawt -Cop: *No words just kid laying on the ground with tread marks on his forehead.*
cyns0_oaSailor 0
20- yes arrest them and make them sit on the handlebars.
RandomBlackMan 0
Why didn't you include the stuff I said?!
FurryRocks 10
Halo reach tbagging
Pabs24 0
What a shitty comment.
Superman151 4
no if the cop arrested them. the cop would call for another cop to come and pick the person who was arrested up.
FFPulley 9
Shoulda been a firefighter...
Jvr91 8
Shot them and lie about how they pulled a gun on you first like you guys love to do. New riot!
stro88 6
Lol bikes are for ******* anyway shoulda gone beat with your whistle haha.
prince122 0
YTD for paTROLLING you real life troll.
prince122 0
it's your fault for being a pa-TROLL.
Jovecove 13
I ride ma bike with no handlebars, no handlebars.. Cuz I'm busy beating the shit of em kids ******' with me.
Stonedmanalex 0
No good person wants to become a cop, and if they do its almost impossible
leadman1989 16
Yup, people love their police state in Texas. Rick Perry REALLY?
Chaos187 6
Freedom of speech nurkaaaa.
Jammy01jams 2
Well since they're gang members they're highly unlikely to report you, nor would anyone believe them. Just wave your gun around a bit. Maybe take a few shots by "accident" and "miss" the people laughing.
isallwaysme 27
dude, your muscles are insane!
sulitak 27
really #16, you call them pigs and then say they're to be respected? backwards logic
pianogirl12345 8
There could have been a lot worse things said..
chronicBuD420 0
hey your fine(:
imustbeinsane 2
Seriously lol these must have been some dorky teenagers, muppet? What happened to all the vulgarity I grew up with? I blame Bieber fever
metalsmith 0
muppet is Irish slang
Iskaria 0
It's an Irish thing... And I actually lol'd at 'go on wanker, do a wheelie' xD These youths are highly unlikely to have any interest in Beiber. They tend (I'm generalising) to listen to techno and the angrier end of rnb, it's just how it is!
alpaquette91 9
3 overseas those are pretty bad sayings...
1000waystofml 0
He lives in ireland, thats theyre type Of swearing :p
cheerbabe3254 4
Well I'm 13 and I LOVE Justin Bieber .........but I'm a girl
iAmScrubs 19
Bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when my bike chain break loose?
Marques23 5
that's some funny shit! lmao
soon2beproskater 0
pahahahaha
xoxoroxs 0
Lmaaao !! Never heard that before
ThatOneCanadian 0
its not like he couldve arrested them or anything either, because his basket wouldnt be big enough
MILFSaregood 7
Amd then i pulled out my .500 s&w and asked them "who wants to see me fire this thing rather closely to you in your direction?"
rottentomatoes 7
How do you arrest someone? "Hop on the back!"
KiddNYC1O 22
Handcuffs--> Back-up
TheCylonmaster 3
11- Win!
THE_A_TEEN 28
#118 PPPFFFFFFTTTTT i get similar results with a .50.AE Desert Eagle Mark XIX plus 1 extra bullet.
minisquid 9
Mr. A. Teen, I was under the belief that internally suppressed weapons were illegal in California without a Title 1 permit. Correct me if I'm wrong. ~M. Squid
THE_A_TEEN 28
They belong to my uncle who lives in el salvador, a gun ethusiast (sp?) and a veteran to the civil war in the 80's, not necessarly (sp?) mine, he own's them in el salvador, not in the states and never will be.
Bladian 5
Your grammar and spelling are atrocious. Just so you know.
brandond15 0
Haha that sucks for you
fatalkiss 0
Hehehehe..."wanker"
hotNready24 0
Lol
herop 0
Oh :D why dont you care them? You should have scare them
zaveeshaveesh3 7
You fail
Penguins25 0
7? What are you trying to say? Speak up
Mysanitywins 10
Bike those Streets like a boss.
NomOnShroomz 14
They see me rollin' they hatin' patrollin'...
julien672 0
Brony?
hahahayeahright 5
You gotta admit though, those are some creative names..
mohammadkm95 6
Lol stupid kids, they should know cops can't do that while eating doughnuts
RA661 8
Sucks how much disrespect officers get nowadays. -.- Hopefully it's not going to be like that all the time you're on duty. ^.^
ogle5431 1
There are some good cops but it seems most are power hungry douche bags. I can't blame the kids considering the quality of our police these days.
a_nutritionist 10
yeah cos im sure any experiences teenagers have with police officers are a result of victimisation and prejudice. its not like teenagers have a tendency toward acting like tough guys for no reason, nope, unheard of.
suckstoobeyou 0
Its not all cops.Its only bike cops that are disrespected because ppl thinks that are pussys for being bike cops,
a_nutritionist 10
you dont honestly expect people to take you seriously when you type like that do you? im all for cutting corners but that borders on illiterate.
LifeOnBlast19 9
Lay down the law on 'em then, my dude. ...or you know, stroll away on your bike.