The Top

I do know what an audio book is. I thought I clicked on the ebook and only after I went to open it did I realise it wasn’t an Ebook but an audio book. They didn’t have the same title in the ebook. I got a refund after a couple of days.

By rattledwife666 - 21/01/2017 14:00

Today, when I asked my husband to join me in the shower to "save water", he said, "Let the environment suffer, not me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 490

You deserved it 975

Slice of life

By Eleanor - 19/02/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 910

You deserved it 630

Hello there

By My eyes were on the prize - 12/03/2017 00:00

Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 183

You deserved it 1 132

By Emmereen - 23/03/2017 15:20

Today, I was studying when a tremendous crash of glass sounded from the other room. Was it a burglar? Nope. The cat had tried to jump from the kitchen table to the top of the cabinet, missed, and slammed into the cabinet's glass door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 356

You deserved it 536

Emmereen tells us more.

Emmereen 29

Friday 17 March 2017 16:51

OP here. My cat was not hurt, thankfully. He briefly looked a bit shaken, and then felt the need to be underfoot while I cleaned up the glass. He's made that jump before and since, though nowadays a tall cat tree seems to satisfy his desire to launch himself to great heights.

When your body can't handle your skills

By Lewis - 01/02/2019 00:30 - France - Paris

A great power implies great responsibilities

I agree, your life sucks 2 985

You deserved it 2 927

By franska - 03/11/2015 00:14 - Suède - Lund

Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 61

By Foxy0706 - 10/11/2015 19:27 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I finally told my boyfriend I have a medical condition that makes me grow an unusual amount of hair on my face, so I shave every day. He said he was leaving me because he refuses to be with a "bearded lady". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 194

You deserved it 2 425

By I'm my husband's second mom - 03/11/2015 07:14 - United States - Dickson

Today, my husband got angry and stormed out of the house because he claims I wasn't pressing the buttons he told me to while playing Pokemon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 877

You deserved it 4 504

Leaking

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our local supermarket. Ten feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants' legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new supermarket, maybe a new town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 643

You deserved it 3 641

By Ted - 06/06/2019 18:00

Today, I finally felt comfortable enough to fart in front of my boyfriend for the first time. He went quiet, got up and left in his car. I haven't heard from him in 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 202

You deserved it 495

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 01:47 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, the 3 girls who have continuously bullied me for the past 3 years gave a class presentation on why bullying is so terrible. Judging from our teacher's comments, they're going to get top marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 618

You deserved it 1 759

By workworkwork - 27/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boss asked me to pick up more waitressing shifts because we are short-staffed. I already work seven days a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 764

You deserved it 262

Superficial

By toolateabuckshort - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I found my high school crush on Facebook. He asked me out. Too bad he's fat and bald now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 711

You deserved it 2 418

Monday Morning Blues

By Anonymous - 01/07/2019 14:00

Today, after a rough night, my husband's alarms started going off at 5 a.m. All 4 of them. Old town road, the Skyrim theme, that lady yelling, "I got shit to do today" and bagpipes. I'm awake. He's not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 002

You deserved it 153

Small world, huh?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Maidenhead

Today, I was talking to my best friend about how much of an asshole my ex-boyfriend is. After about 2 hours of non-stop bitching, it turns out she's actually dating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 528

You deserved it 1 608

By Farterella - 02/11/2016 20:30

Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the weight, and the only one to fart multiple times during the attempt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 796

You deserved it 1 567

By ballthlete - 06/09/2015 04:55 - United States - Edmond

Today, the girl I like at work surprised me in the otherwise empty break room. She caught me taking part in what might as well have been the Ball-Scratching Olympics. I didn't notice she was behind me until she cleared her throat to get my attention. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 463

You deserved it 13 172

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 00:06 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 728

You deserved it 2 206

By professionalmedicineman - 11/08/2016 19:25 - United States - Arlington

Today, it was my first day at my new job as a receptionist at a small doctor's office. When the doctor's wife called and asked if he'd stepped out, I blanked the word "Doctor" and instead replaced it with, "Medicine man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 106

You deserved it 2 934

By Noname - 12/03/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150 444

You deserved it 22 979

That's kinda handy!

By Anonymous - 25/10/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I found out that we were cheating on each other with the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 3 457

By drpepperking10 - 02/07/2016 23:27 - United States

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 385

You deserved it 3 270

Her plan!

By "Tarun Kumar" - 03/12/2019 14:00

Today, my girlfriend planned our day, she wanted to play FIFA before having sex. I won 11-0. She stormed out of the room, went home and isn't picking my calls / texting back. It's been 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 008

You deserved it 1 060

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, it's my birthday. At my workplace, we always get a cake for whoever's birthday it is. They somehow forgot about me. I've been working there for a year, and my grandparents and my dad own the restaurant I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 174

You deserved it 3 420

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 658

You deserved it 103 539

Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 360

You deserved it 3 797

Today, I received a new debit card, so I cut the old one into pieces. I then picked up my remaining card, and realized I'd cut up the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 884

You deserved it 54 941

Today, I realized I'm so desperate for money that I started to watch Breaking Bad to learn how to make meth. I stopped, not because I decided it was a bad idea, but because it looks too hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 115

You deserved it 29 552

Today, our art teacher told us we will have to build a giant Coca-Cola bottle made of smaller ones as our art project for next week, meant to represent the damage consumerism does to our environment. I think he doesn’t understand we will have to buy tons of Coke to get the bottles needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 381

You deserved it 1 007