Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML
The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs
Today, my now ex-boyfriend informed me that he is cheating on me with our neighbor, again. I wasn't aware that he cheated on me the first time. FML
IDontKnowWhoIAm04 tells us more.
Hey, it's OP here! Thank you for all the positive and supportive comments. Basically the story goes, we moved into a neighborhood a few months back, and our neighbor had been talking about needing some work done on her house because of lighting issued when we were all first introduced. I knew he dropped by once while I was at work to check out her lights, but he had never previously given me any reason not to trust him. So this came as a surprise to me when he revealed it to me, I guess he just somehow assumed I knew and I just didn't care. So yeah, there goes the end of a 3 year relationship. I guess all I can say now is good riddance to bad love.
Today, I accidentally bought an audio book through iBooks for $40 AUD. I'm deaf. FML
Sady_Ct tells us more.
Today, I had a job interview where I was asked, "Who is your best friend?" I replied truthfully, "My cat", only to then be asked what my cat would describe as my best qualities, which didn't go far beyond, "Remembering to feed him". They weren't impressed. FML
Customers from hell
Today, my boss told me to check out the situation in the restroom. Someone had crapped themselves, rolled their underwear into a ball, and had the audacity to write that they were sorry in sharpie on the wall. FML
When your body can't handle your skills
A great power implies great responsibilities
Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML
Today, I got banned from a suicide prevention forum for "attention seeking." FML
isellorangez tells us more.
isellorangez 20
Hey, I'm the op and this is my first fml so I hope I'm doing this right. I thought I should say a few things based on some of the comments I read. No, I was not just being an asshat to everyone, I just posted a thread explaining myself and such. Shortly after I posted it I got banned for "attention seeking" and that's all the information I was given. Oh and all the people saying "******* emo" and such, I guess I look like the stereotypical emo, but seriously you could be a bit more mature about things.
Today, I went drinking with my boyfriend and his sister in England. I'm from the US and they live here in the UK. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't get drunk and lock me out of the house, in a foreign country at 2 a.m., where my phone doesn't work. FML
themysteriousfox tells us more.
OP here.. What happened was it was a family party and my boyfriend got so insanely drunk me, him, and his sister decided to walk home. His sister decided to wander off in the opposite direction and he kept walking towards his house prompting me to stop in the middle and shout at him to wait so I could get his younger sister. Then he got mad and told me to go away and locked me out. He couldn't even remember anything that happened the next day apologized profusely. I managed to get inside because his aunt found me standing outside getting ready to climb the fence into their driveway and knock on the door and brought me back to her house. I should have probably had a backup if something like this were to happen but live and learn I guess. I'm only 19 so as far as experiences go I'm still a beginner. Other than that my visits been great at least!
Today, my five-year-old son told me that I smell bad and asked me to take a shower so I wouldn't attract bugs into the house. I had just showered. FML
Today, I was taking a break in my work truck when I saw a huge swarm of bees flying my way. I have a hand crank window so I started cranking it up as fast as I could and the knob snapped off before it closed and I got stung by the whole swarm before I could get out. FML
Family snapshot
Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML
Just leave them behind
Today, I had to call the hotel we were staying at to recover some items I had left. Those items consist of a cellphone, razor blades, used batteries, and a vibrator. They have nothing to do with each other, but yes, they're at the front desk. FML
Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML
What the…?
Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML
Today, I walked into a wall, smashing my laptop into the top of my eye socket. This was all because I was carrying my laptop, phone and chocolate mug cake, all while trying to watch Netflix on said laptop. I feel like a 2016 cliché. FML
Rude!
Today, I went to the eye doctor with my little brother. There were only three chairs and one was occupied by a woman. I sat at the far end, but as soon as I sat down, I heard my little brother yell out loud, "I DON'T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO THE FAT LADY!" FML
Old Yeller
Today, after a week of my new neighbor constantly yelling in his native language, I finally complained about the noise. Turns out that's just his normal talking voice. Goodbye sleep. FML
That's kinda handy!
Today, my boyfriend and I found out that we were cheating on each other with the same person. FML
Her plan!
Today, my girlfriend planned our day, she wanted to play FIFA before having sex. I won 11-0. She stormed out of the room, went home and isn't picking my calls / texting back. It's been 12 hours. FML
Today, after getting fired, I went home only to find my boss sitting my living room. Apparently, he and my mom had been dating for months and he felt compelled to let me go because it was a "conflict of interest". FML
Today, I was working when my boss left briefly, leaving me with her elderly, senile mother. Not only did I have to chase her when she ran after a stranger on the road, I turned my back for 5 seconds to do my actual job and she walked off. When my boss returned, I had to tell her I lost her mother. FML
Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML
Spring is so great, right?
Today, after years of going through hell to get my tonsils removed as an adult, I found out that they were my first line of defense against allergies. I used to have a very light reaction. Now my doc is making personal calls to get me to an allergist immediately. FML
reyah49 tells us more.
reyah49 15
OP here.. my "years of hell" were years of having strep throat, tonsillitis, etc at least 4 times a year, usually more. You cant go to work with this more often than not so i was constantly missing school and then work. No one outright said "I'm not taking your tonsils out", they'd just treat the symptoms and move on. Finally i asked to be sent to an ENT and there was no doubt in his mind that they needed out. He said it should've been done when i was constantly being sent home from school (over 10 years ago). Since i got them out I've now found a new primary doctor who I'd recommend to everyone. He is the one who called his allergist buddy on their personal cell phones during my appointment and scheduled me in before the clinic even opened. Turns out I'm allergic to every kind of grass that grows here in "the natural state". Honestly explains a lot.
WTF?
Today, I got off a long shift and went to the bus stop. Upon arrival, I saw a girl giving a guy a blowjob. Disgusted, I tried to avoid them and sat on the bench to wait. The girl popped up angrily and looked over at me. "Can't you give us some privacy?!" This is the only bus stop nearby. FML
Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML
EMERGENCY
Today, my daughter called 911. Why? Because she couldn't get the images to show up on her phone. She's 12. FML
Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML
Insane people are everywhere
Today, while in a parking lot, I accidentally cut someone off out of pure nervousness, as I'm a new driver. I got out of my car to apologize, and they responded by beating me and my car to a pulp with a baseball bat. FML
Today, when I asked my husband to join me in the shower to "save water", he said, "Let the environment suffer, not me." FML