Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML
Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML
Today, my cat was incessantly meowing trying to get me to wake up and feed him. Because it was 6 a.m., and I'd hardly slept at all last night, my brain decided that the best solution to get him to shut up would be to hug him. The result was a normally docile and lazy cat giving me a nasty scratch next to my left eye. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML
Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
He was just practicing his piercings for his future career at Kitty Tat Parlor. You should be grateful you have such an entrepreneurial feline.
Tripartita 45
"Wait, is this NOT your tongue? I've heard I'm supposed to get your tongue…"
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Comments (19)
Welshite 40
He was just practicing his piercings for his future career at Kitty Tat Parlor. You should be grateful you have such an entrepreneurial feline.
Tamandua 19
What's the matter? Cat got you ton- Oh, wait. Scratch that.
bubblemania 16
He was just trying to trim your nose hairs. Your fault for letting them get so long
WCARlover 35
Free nose piercing! You should be thanking him!
FalloutScrolls 25
Be sure to thoroughly document your Cat Scratch Fever. You know... for science.
Tripartita 45
"Wait, is this NOT your tongue? I've heard I'm supposed to get your tongue…"
Kitty_Kat44 31
And this is why no matter how much I love my cat I don't let him sleep in my room at night. Not fun to wake up to a cat scratch.
rodrigun449 16
Most people get hooked on pussy with their tongue...
Tripartita 45
If you read this comment again very slowly with the knowledge that "pussy" is both a word for "cat" AND "******", you'll notice this shared synonym is exploited for humorous purposes. It's really quite original and not at all BLUGGGHHH.
NightKat 25
Wow, way to state the obvious #10. We're all so impressed with your deductive reasoning skills.
Moerighan 23
Well, he woke you up.
lizzzzzifer 15
This is literally what happened to me. But mine didn't get published...
Lalala579121 28
You must have worded it too poorly.
Catdragon 40
I've learned after 60 or so failures at being published, it's better not to complain.