Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husband's rather rattling snoring, I finally managed to drop off… only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML
Today, I am exhausted and can barely move after being up all night taking care of my drunk and vomiting husband. He, on the other hand, feels much better and is bounding with energy. FML
Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
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Top comments
emeraldarcher74 30
If that isn't true love, I don't know what is.
roaf 13
When a hand isn't enough so you need a leg
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Comments (35)
roaf 13
When a hand isn't enough so you need a leg
emeraldarcher74 30
If that isn't true love, I don't know what is.
Tripartita 45
If you felt like being apropos, you could've told him he was barking up the wrong tree.
Gazerman100 13
I've never seen one of your comments have dislikes
SixthSinEnvy 39
You must be a light sleeper. I would have been comatose after being awake so long.
Enslaved 38
Uh-oh! Guess what day it is? Hump leg!
emeraldarcher74 30
You tried. "A" for effort.
Lalala579121 28
Would have been better if you had just said hump day. Also if it was actually Wednesday.
HoofHeartedBro 14
clearly he's still attracted to you, I call that a win.
Jay18 22
what'd you do after that
OhhaiYumi 10
Be grateful he still wants you. You're lucky.
MikuandKaito 24
Oh yeah, being woken up by an insensitive husband wanting sex makes her the luckiest woman in the world!
kusje 31
What kind of job requires you to take 24 hour shifts?!
mikethekid07 13
doctors, some federal jobs where you work a shift but remain on call if something were to happen
gracehi 33
I would have guessed it had something to do with Hurricane Matthew and she's an emergency worker, but since the location is New York I'm at a bit of a loss.
PenguinsLaugh 24
ER doctors and nurses and firefighters are 3 that come to mind.
traumajunkie2519 7
Paramedics do 48 and 72 hour shifts
GhostFox 34
Yeah, time to sit his ass down next time he's sober and inform him that getting so plastered that he ignores the fact that he doesn't have consent is NOT okay. To be blunt, trying to have sex- or actually doing so in this case- with someone while they are asleep is rape. If he's getting so drunk he thinks that's acceptable, he needs to quit drinking altogether. If he thinks it's acceptable to do so while sober, that's even more ****** up.
mfmylifesrsly 30
While I agree with that you're saying, humping someone's leg isn't rape, and many couples don't mind their partners touching them as they sleep.
MicKeyMon 10
no, humping someone's leg isn't rape. however, I have these talks with my partners (ex. feel free to wake me up for sex, but never wake me WITH sex) because it IS sexual assault if someone involved has not consented, and I personally don't feel comfortable being woken up that way. Some people have reasons they shouldn't be woken like that as well. one day someone may think they're being funny or sexy or whatever, and then they could wind up with charges. just something to keep in mind.
GhostFox 34
The sexual assault is what I more meant, but I didn't want someone coming along and trying to split hairs on what the specific charges would be. So I went with rape, because at it's simplest, rape means "a sex act done without freely given consent." As to the people not minding that their partner touches them in their sleep- yes, there are probably people that wouldn't mind, but considering that OP made a post about it they very much seem to be bothered, and there are similarly MANY people that would care. The point is, unless there is a standing, spoken agreement that somnophilia is okay between the two of them, it ISN'T okay to try to use someone's body for a sexual act. Which, for the record, humping's someone leg to get off would be frottage, which is a sex act. Lack of consent this WOULD make it a form of rape by definition, even if not by legal definition.
notabanana 8
I see what you're saying, but you don't know anything about OP's sex life. You don't know how she feels about being woken up with sex under normal conditions (aka when she hasn't worked 24 hours straight), and you don't know if this is rape.
GhostFox 34
Which is WHY I said that OP needed to TALK TO their husband. ****'s sake, did it occur to you that MAYBE assuming that someone has consent for a sex act that occurred while one person was unconscious is a worse? Just because they're in a relationship DOESN'T magically mean that OP is magically okay with someone attempting to engage in somnophilia, either. And assuming that because someone is in a relationship means they're okay with being touched in a sexual manner without their consent is WAY slippier of a slope than saying "you should talk to them about that." It wasn't so long ago that a husband saying that his wife "provoked" him was considered a good enough excuse for him to get out of abuse or rape charges. How about NOT backsliding into the "your body belongs to your sexual and romantic partner whether you want it to or not" mindset?