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FML's Showdown #13

By Louis - 14/06/2017 21:30

Another selection of contenders for this week's crown, with this time bad dance moves coming under close scrutiny.

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 187

By justin_99 - 03/11/2009 01:15 - Canada

Today, I was working at Tim Hortons. A lady was in line, and she couldnt make up her mind. 20 minutes later she finally decided to get something, and she reached in her pocket. I was hoping it was a tip, but she gave me a coupon for a haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 063

You deserved it 3 078

Heartwarming

By Gilbert - 04/02/2025 00:00 - United States - Buena Vista

Today, I made a snowman with my little sister. We spent ages rolling snowballs and decorating it with a scarf and hat. When we'd finished, she hugged it so hard that it collapsed. She cried, so I promised to build another one. It’s been three hours, my fingers are numb, but her smile is worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 129

I've got blisters on my fingers

By Anonymous - 06/02/2025 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I started out as a serious artist, I even got some of my work displayed in galleries. Now I live in my mom’s attic and I manage to pay her some rent by drawing furry porn for online perverts. I’ve drawn so many hair-covered buttholes I don’t even get upset anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 219

Technology

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 16:00

Today, I used the last dollar in my PayPal Tap to pay to get myself a little something for work lunch. The register glitched just before the transaction finished, but it still took the money. No cash, no lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 110

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 798

You deserved it 6 771

GET ME OUT!

By bluemonday - 17/04/2009 11:47 - Canada

Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out, I felt someone grab my knee; I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes, nearly 25 people were staring at me. The lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 592

You deserved it 7 454

By emily - 15/07/2011 22:21 - United States

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend of two years. He asked me to turn off my webcam. I asked why, and he said to just trust him. Turns out it was because he didn't want to see my face as he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 856

You deserved it 3 258

By millie14225 - 25/07/2019 14:00

Today, I live in a household of 3 people, with only one vehicle. My transmission blew right after working 16 straight hours. I had to walk 6 miles home, not to mention figure out work tomorrow. Now my oldest, who does not live with me, is pissed because it is an "inconvenience" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 174

The '80s called

By Anonymous - 20/03/2021 13:59

Today, I received three phone calls and three long and rather monotonous messages on my answering machine. Literally monotonous. As in, repeating the same tone over and over. The caller was a fax machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 103

By ZPyRoGoDz - 30/10/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 504

You deserved it 2 567

By happyharriet - 16/04/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I was having a panic attack so I called my parents. My brother answered to say my parents couldn't come to the phone because they were watching 24. Its ten o'clock and 24 is not on now. They were watching 24 on TiVo and couldn't pause it to come to the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 773

You deserved it 5 399

Deadbeat or denial?

By Anonymous - 04/09/2023 07:30

Today, through my Ring doorbell I saw a pregnant woman knock on the door for my son and claim the baby was his. He just said to her, "No it’s not", then shut the door in her face. She left before I could get there. The little bastard won’t tell me her name or phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 237

We need Legal Eagle on this one

By Anonymous - 05/09/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend of 4 months confessed that she purposely lied and told me she was on the pill when she wasn't so she could get pregnant (she now is). All websites call tampering with birth control reproductive coercion and abuse, but ONLY when a man does it to a woman. When she does it to me, it's a romance book plotline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 198

I'm an empath

By Anonymous - 18/02/2025 15:00 - Belgium - Kasterlee

Today, after opening up to my husband about my mental struggles after a difficult birth, I shed a few tears. He left me there to go take a nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 107

By jobless - 16/05/2012 07:36 - United States - Groton

Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 085

You deserved it 2 410

Shut up and look out

By Bugs - 14/06/2022 04:00

Today, I was hanging out with a friend, and we were on our way to the nearest frozen yogurt place. The second we got out of the car, I immediately complained about how hot and bright it was outside. I was so busy complaining, I didn’t hear my friend telling me to watch out for the curb. I landed face first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 1 477

Take the L, dude

By Paint on fire - 23/02/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I found out the girl I’ve spent so much time bending over backwards for lied about having to work on Valentine’s. She went on a date with another guy instead. Furious, I went to Lowe’s and bought red paint to douse on her car. I cut my hand and had to get stitches trying to open the case. I can never win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 1 343

Reverse Uno card

By really_now - 26/04/2013 00:56 - United States - Reno

Today, I was driving when I noticed that the guy in front was on the phone. I pulled up next to him, pulled out my phone and I made a gesture that he needed to put his phone away. It was a cop. I got a ticket for driving while on my cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 110

You deserved it 34 431

By edwinduarte1 - 13/09/2010 06:49 - France

Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 218

You deserved it 3 316

Sit on it?

By Anonymous - 25/02/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, someone stole the seat off my bike. Just the seat. What the hell are they going to do with it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 87

Not good enough

By BoooMa - 31/03/2021 20:00

Today, my ex-fiancé got married. He left me at the altar last year because the thought of marriage and “taking such a big step” scared him. He’s only been with his new girlfriend for 6 months. Apparently I’m not good enough to marry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 159

Roadblocked

By Anonymous - 28/02/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of my house at 6:30am to find that some road workers had dug out a trench in the road right in front of my driveway, then fucked off, leaving their van up the street. There are no buses within walking distance so I missed a full day of work and my boss is pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 68

By Lizofsmeg - 11/05/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 242

You deserved it 3 237

In shape

By emmy - 01/04/2021 14:01

Today, even after months of vigorous exercise and diet in an attempt to gain muscle, I have not gained any muscle. Instead, my body is putting fat into the one part of my body I can’t work out: my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 117

Appalling behavior

By he didnt know - 02/03/2025 20:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I showed my best friend a picture of my new girlfriend. He gave me a high five, followed up with, "Looks like we're Eskimo bros!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 134

Hurting over here

By wo-ow - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 759

You deserved it 4 393

The joys of motherhood

By Bear - 24/05/2022 00:01

Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 172

FOMO

By jon - 03/03/2025 20:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I woke up feeling unlovable after my ex left me for a wealthy BMW owner last week. I clocked into my job at CVS. I had a teenage surfer guy purchasing magnum condoms, a drunk guy buying liquor with two hot blondes around his shoulders, and my high school crush came in to buy plan B. My youth is passing me by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 139

By unlucky - 20/04/2013 21:17 - United States - Wheeling

Today, I came home from a four month stay in Africa, where I managed to avoid suffering any serious illness. Some hours after my first meal back at home, I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 853

You deserved it 3 889

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The Top

Today, not even 10 minutes into my job as a student teacher, I've had one student wipe boogers on me, another pee their pants, and a third won't stop crying for his mother. This is my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 175

You deserved it 1 846

Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 969

You deserved it 10 047

Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 505

You deserved it 4 424

Today, I went to a support group for my porn addiction. I was hoping I wouldn't recognize anyone there. The first person I recognized was my dad, and the second was one of my professors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 000

You deserved it 501

Today, on my first day as a middle school substitute teacher, the class I was in had blue passes for boys and red passes for girls. The kid in the front row raised a number two for the bathroom, so I handed her a red pass, only for him to brush his hair back and say, "I'm a boy." The whole class laughed and called him "Babe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 301

Today, I have a huge work project which absolutely requires a healthy amount of working at home to get done in time. This wouldn't be a problem normally. Except, thanks to my roommate's noisy dogs, I no longer have a "quiet zone" where I can buckle down on things and not be disturbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 155