Today, I had to tell my best friend that I couldn't make it to the lake today or tomorrow because I'd been called in to work. She won't believe me and thinks I'm simply avoiding her. I got called in to bathe and clean dogs' anal glands. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to make my boss believe that I was late to work because my sick dog shit all over my bedsheets and I had to clean up the mess before work. The truth is, I don't have a dog, and I wrongly trusted a long fart this morning. FML
Today, I had to call out of work because I was ill, but they didn't believe me because today was the day I was supposed to come back from vacation. Now I'm stuck at work, constantly running to the bathroom, and they still won't let me go home. FML
Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML
Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML
Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, the same manager who wrote me up for missing work when my mom had had a stroke, thought it was perfectly acceptable to announce she was leaving work 6 hours early to take her dogs to the groomers. Apparently, that appointment was more urgent than me riding in an ambulance with my mother. FML
Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML
Today, I called out of work, making an elaborate claim my wife was sick, and that I HAD to stay home to take care of her, because I have never played hooky from work before. That afternoon, at a minor league hockey game as I'm buying a hotdog with my wife, my boss from behind me asked, "How's the fam?" FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
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Top comments
alissa222 15
invite her to join you.
jamila123 5
at least you have a job.
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Comments (146)
heydude111 0
haha
Sharnaaaaa 0
lmao. what a job. hopefully shell believe you sooner or later
jackiemoonthepro 5
op could take a picture and show her friend
genesisnirvana 11
i would really like to know what OP's job is.
jellitonoctopus 19
A dog groomer. they squeeze the anus so the poo poo shoots outs, it's easier to bathe a dog when they don't have to use the restroom.
yummycupkake 0
I always considered being a vetenerian ..but heyy, pshh I could always be a lawyer :]
ritbbehindu 0
she'll*
KingGeorgeGal 12
Sorry OP but atleast you have a job!
flagg1888 3
cleaning anal glands?? sounds like a win for you!!! lol
unluckiestperson_fml 14
2- may I say, you have a huge tongue xD
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Oh I am very sorry about your condition #2. hopefully you get better!
dolphincheddar 10
you can't recover from it you silly donkey penis. but ya. I used to clean womens anal glands with my special cleaning tool, I got paid quite a bit, but then I got arrested for prostitution.. silly cops and there misunderstanding of jobs. I'm an anus cleaner not a *****.. jeez. anyways, did you know guantanimo bay has amazing wifi? it's sweet
sxe_beast 11
@24 - Totally and then she can MMS the picture to her.
FarSide 23
Your job pays shit.
FUGYU 2
Dog anal Fetish! 0.o
Newboyz00185 0
And yet I can't seem to shake the thought that OP actually applied for such a job.
Newboyz00185 0
Shouldn't that be written somewhere in the job description??? " This job will include: brushing, bathing, and anal probing of various canines."
dizzaymizlizzay 11
#46 is completely wrong about anal glands. dog groomers are not probing their asses to make them poo. There are glands right inside the anus that release a fluid that helps fecal matter come out thru the anus. Think of it as lube. Frequently the fluid builds up inside the gland and isn't released so it becomes impacted and needs to be drained by squeezing them. It smells REALLY horrible. I wouldn't suggest trying it out on your own with your dog!!
jamila123 5
at least you have a job.
tyty22796 0
for real!
unluckiestperson_fml 14
You're a very 'glass half full' kinda person huh?
volley4eva1698 0
she's jealous inside..but yeah show her a picture lmao
volley4eva1698 0
she's jealous inside..but yeah show her a picture lmao
M0rt 0
considering OP is from America they should just be happy they have a job with the economy bring in the toilet
biggmike 6
that sounds like a sticky situation.
F0xyTurtle 8
...Thank you for ruining my appetite... ugh that's disgusting lol
MrSassypants 34
can't help but wonder why did you go on FML when you have an appetite?
genesisnirvana 11
at least he didnt say"that sounds like a shitty situation"
MrSassypants 34
Or worse... "Looks like *takes of glasses* we have a shitty situation! YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"
dolphincheddar 10
that gets old soo fast. silly unoriginal trolls. although if it was sticky, the dog must be eating something very weird
F0xyTurtle 8
#40, why not get on FML when you have an appetite? And I was about to eat dinner lol :P
alexg823 0
What a crappy joke
Comoke1024 19
Solution: Stick your arm in as far as it will go. Big smile. Take a selfie. Optional title to the pic: Something about being wrist deep in crap at work.
twilightcrazy28 0
who the hell would lie about a job like that??! wow your friend needs to lighten up!
alissa222 15
invite her to join you.
CareFace 16
2 girls 1 dog?
peakcheer 2
hahaha gross.
7sevensevenseven 0
im sure she wood definatley want to......
myfruitloop 0
68, I see what you did there
FC_Barcelona 0
94. I see what YOU did there
daybowbow 0
Anuses could always use a second pair of hands.
ramboman19 8
that is gross. I'm sorry
mk58 31
Are you sure that's ALL you do with the dog's anal area?
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
... I hope you don't have a dog dude :L
julianne8174 0
your an asshole......... >_< ******* TROLL
blackbelt25 12
some ones sad that theyre a loner ;)
MilkShakez 0
Do the dogs enjoy it?
jackiemoonthepro 5
she'll understand, we all have to clean anal glands at one tine or another
ktpl44 3
your picture is awsome!!!