Today, I surprised my boyfriend at work, only to notice that his neck was covered in hickies. The night before, he texted me saying he needed alone time to get his mind together. Looks like he got together with another mind. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend decided to visit me at work. With another girl. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML
Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was unsure of the future of our relationship, so he gave me a gigantic hickey to "show the world that I'm his." I work as a cashier and see people I know personally on a daily basis. FML
Today, my boyfriend video-called me in the middle of the night, drunk after a night out of partying. He told me that he was chatted up by a girl and proudly exclaimed that he told her off, given his status, all the while showing large hickeys on his neck. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML
Today, I confronted my boyfriend after he received a text with a bunch of hearts on it. After arguing, turns out it was from me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML
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Top comments
TomFantastic 0
If he told you he wanted time alone why did you go looking for him?
Sparkey 0
You didn't go to "surprise" him, you felt insecure and wanted confirmation.
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Comments (93)
AussFart 0
THREESOME!!!
mushoo_fml 0
Brainsex!
metakingt 0
I've heard two minds are better than one.
AnaMaree 0
THREESOME
ImmaTen 0
Obviously, you are just not able to please him. Sucks for you.
underaegis 0
sex makes the world go round and cencorship keeps it from spining out of whack
blakehilli8 0
second
123sploosh 0
third
SayPeanuts 29
Please don't do that.
dacho 7
I even bet he was with a woman.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
My bet is Phil from Accounting. That guy could suck a golf ball through a garden hose... ...not that I know anything about that from personal experience...
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
You know what, I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm kind of a big deal around here.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
I'm also not gonna lie. It smells like pure gasoline.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Why don't you go back to your home on ***** Island?
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
I'm gonna punch you in the ovary. Pow. When you're not looking.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Let's go over the ground rules, then. Rule #1 - No touching of the hair or face (of course). AND THAT'S IT! (looks a bit closer) mercy, where did you get a hand grenade?
monster_tamer 11
I remember you! =O
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
it looks like my response comment was lost, too. I forgot what I said, too. Tamer - I kind of remember you. You parked in that tow-away zone, had your vehicle towed away, and started hurling monkey feces at the tow-truck driver. I think I was tripping balls when you were doing this, though.
TheLetterZero 7
Okay, that's enough irrelevant, stupid conversations for one day. Take them elsewhere.
GDI 0
@ #22: Anchorman WIN!
xxmessedupxx 0
YDI.
TomFantastic 0
If he told you he wanted time alone why did you go looking for him?
cosicosei 22
I'm guessing she thought he only meant for the previous night, not the next day as well.
swampbaby985 30
OP's a guy....
dspadres 0
AIDS
thesicmrcastle 0
well i suppose great minds think alike and they just out smarted you
littlegolferboy 4
I'm just glad your (ex)boyfriend didn't decide to write an FML about how his girlfriend caught him with hickies on his neck after cheating on her.
kellster 2
I'm pretty sure they're both men, actually, since the poster is listed as a man and all.
littlegolferboy 4
Holy shit, I didn't even look at that. Well now I look like an idiot.
Sparkey 0
You didn't go to "surprise" him, you felt insecure and wanted confirmation.
puntificator 0
Why is it that people are so randy to use quotation marks when they "don't make sense" (like there), but so shy to use them when they do (like in this FML, to indicate the sardonic tone of "mind")? Sigh.