Today, my friend is mad at me because last night at the midnight show, I “left him there” when he was drunk and thought it would be funny to take a dump in the theater. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, I went to the movies with some friends. During the movie, I really needed to pee but didn’t want to disturb anyone. So, I waited and waited. Finally, I couldn’t hold it anymore and bolted to the bathroom… only to get locked out of the theater in the process. The staff had to escort me back in during the end credits. FML
Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my date's popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML
Today, an old friend of mine refused to go to a movie with me. Turns out he was sitting in front of me with my girlfriend. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. We went inside the theatre and he saw a couple of his friends. Instead of saying hi and coming back to watch the movie with me, he ditched me for them. When I reminded him he was forgetting something, he grabbed the popcorn out of my hands and left. FML
Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Today, I went to a concert. The music was great, but the drunk guys behind me made it hard to pay attention. Half way through the second act, one of them took it upon themselves to start peeing on me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Do people have the right to yell "Shit!" in a crowded movie house? Your friend is right. It is funny, except not for the people who were there.
AzraelAngelus 15
I hope you decide he isn’t someone you want to be friends with
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
Do people have the right to yell "Shit!" in a crowded movie house? Your friend is right. It is funny, except not for the people who were there.
AzraelAngelus 15
I hope you decide he isn’t someone you want to be friends with
SirEnigM0nk 22
Queue Garth Brooks: 'Cause I've got friends in low places Where the whiskey drowns And the beer chases my blues away And I'll be okay … I'm not big on social graces Think I'll slip on down to the oasis Oh, I've got friends in low places
JasonThorn 23
"We are not close enough for me to literally deal with your shit."