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Dude, gross!

By juggalo2 - 17/04/2024 09:00 - United States - Troy

Today, I came out of the bathroom and caught my husband peeing against a tree in the backyard. I told him how disgusting that was. He said, "Fine. Back to peeing in the sink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 502

Squatters' rights

By Anonymous - 23/04/2024 22:00 - United States - Auburn

Today, I found out the person that I’ve been casually seeing has decided he wants to live with me. I found this out when I asked him to go home after two weeks sleeping over, and he told me he'd already moved out of his mom’s. I sublet a single bedroom and have barely enough room for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 178

Really close

By Anonymous - 15/06/2020 20:08

Today, my sister made her engagement official on Facebook. When I shared the post to spread the word, people didn't read her boyfriend's name, and I started getting questions on why my sister and I were getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 339

Face value

By fuckface moron - 20/06/2020 02:17

Today, it was was my first day back at work as an esthetician. My first client refused to remove her face mask so I could perform the service. She demanded I just do her forehead, and that she’d only pay a third of the price since she’s only getting that part done. I refused and was written up by management. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 290

Denial

By Anonymous - 12/12/2022 18:00

Today, out of sheer stubbornness, my husband forced himself to go to the toilet despite severe constipation. He forced it so hard he now has a migraine and his nose won’t stop bleeding, but he won’t go see a doctor. He could have burst an artery in his brain but no, he knows better than "some doctor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 169

Same old story

By Anonymous - 07/10/2021 02:00

Today, after 8 years and a house bought together, I realised I regret getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 538

Single and ready to mingle

By Anonymous - 12/05/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm 25 and still a virgin. At this point I'm not sure to feel embarrassed or proud. Imagine being 25 and not know what the fuck you are doing in the bedroom. I don't know who it would be more awkward for, me or them. Maybe I'll just avoid human interaction all together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 196

You must be kidding

By Hurt - 30/12/2022 18:00

Today, my husband of 6 years told me he has a 5 year-old. In fact, she was conceived the night before our wedding. Apparently, the “one last time fuck as a single man” with his female bestie was too good of an opportunity to pass up. He doesn’t get why I’m not speaking to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 312

You deserved it 245

Socializing

By nja - 12/07/2020 23:01

Today, it's the first day in 14 weeks I've got dressed up and gone out anywhere other than to go food shopping. Shame it’s to attend a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 264

Downsizing

By Yaneris - 03/01/2023 18:00

Today, I was told that due to budget cuts, my employment will be terminated. I maxed out all my credit cards shopping and traveling for Christmas. I threw away the receipt for most of the items I’d bought. $7,200 in debt and unemployed, what a great way to start the new year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 1 995

50 Shades of Grey's Anatomy

By Anonymous - 14/01/2023 12:00

Today, I had the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. Too bad it put me in the hospital with a slipped disc and a concussion, and yet I just know me and the violent lady in question will probably do it all again at our next date. Good thing my health insurance is paid up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 1 256

Copycat

By Anonymous - 23/10/2021 14:00 - Canada - Enderby

Today, my father-in-law announced the name of his new son, my husband's half-brother. The first name and last name is the same as our son, who I gave birth to 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 100

Just a movie

By IzzMeister - 15/12/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, I walked in on my uncle watching porn. I realized that it was porn featuring my boyfriend, and he told me that the girl in it was "just a friend". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 080

You deserved it 217

Scapegoat

By Anonymous - 29/01/2023 19:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was told I was being fired from my job after "5 months for poor performance." I helped lead my team to the highest possible success they’ve had the last 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 120

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 684

You deserved it 224

The miracle of childbirth

By Val - 09/07/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I realized my marriage is over. I was in labor with our first child and my husband acted like being there with me in the hospital was a chore. However, he saw a young nurse and his mood did a 180. He left soon before I gave birth because he “got hungry.” All of this and he STILL has no clue why I’m upset with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 182

Credibility loss

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 17:01 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I was promoted to vice president of my company. I gave a speech explaining how I intended to run things more transparently. When I bent down to pick up my folder, my pants split. Somebody said, "Powerpuff girls panties. Transparent indeed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 303

This woman's work

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 17:02 - Germany - Aachen

Today, I looked at pictures of myself from 20 years ago when I was a teenager and realized I have only about a quarter of my hair left. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 106

Herd immunity, quick

By Anonymous - 29/11/2021 02:01 - United States - Chappaqua

Today, Covid started when I was a freshmen in highschool. I'm now halfway through my Junior year and I still haven't experienced any normal high school events or traditions. I'm going to graduate without experiencing anything. Now we have a new variant… again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 196

Tell, don't show

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 10:07

Today, while masturbating, I got a huge migraine so I went into the kitchen to get an Advil. As I was getting it, my family was staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. I walked out and realized that I hadn't put my pants back on. I just walked downstairs fully torqued in front of my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 2 723

Self-centered

By lemonade1919 - 29/07/2024 14:00 - United States - Conroe

Today, I asked my SO for help with just the laundry, which translated into him only washing his clothes. We're married with multiple kids, and I currently work 2 jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 110

Side piece

By sideGirl - 26/09/2020 10:01 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend when she walked into his bedroom while we were having sex. I didn't drive there, so I'm now sitting in his car while they fight. It's been two hours since she got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 298

You deserved it 261

Traditional

By Anonymous - 08/01/2022 02:01

Today, while I was at work, my dumbass husband gave his dead rabbit a Viking funeral by sending it down the river behind our house in a crate he set on fire. It got stuck on a tree, which caught on fire, along with the field and the warehouse next to the field. The police think he did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 180

No one messes with Ben and/or Jerry

By Keith - 07/08/2024 22:00 - Ireland

Today, I was instructed to tell my niece a bedtime story, so I made up a story where they come down to Earth and steal all the ice cream. Suddenly, she burst into tears and ran to her mom, screaming, "The aliens are coming! Save the ice cream!" Now, I'm banned from bedtime storytelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 241

Pull!

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 11:01

Today, my tie-rod snapped, forcing me into a parked car. The wheel literally flew off my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 98

Sneakin' in a kitty

By Anonymous - 15/01/2022 08:02

Today, my wife brought home a kitten, telling me it had been abandoned. She must think I’m dumb, since our credit card statement shows that all last week she bought it from a breeder, then got it vaccinated and chipped at the vet's, and only now brought it home to feed me this pack of lies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 226

Be careful what you fantasize for

By Anonymous - 19/08/2024 14:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I finally convinced my husband of 8 years to partake in a threesome with a guy who works with me, and for whom I have developed feelings. Everything was going well until, in the heat of the moment, my husband started performing oral sex on my colleague. I can't face either of them now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 2 350

Good riddance

By W H A T - 30/03/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I found out my favorite teacher didn't actually "retire" last year like she said to me. She was quietly fired after saying that, "Women who dress provocatively in public are asking to be r*ped" to a class full of teenage girls. I can't believe I used to idolize this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 259

Bad news

By Ghostrui - 02/04/2023 12:00

Today, the dentist told me I needed to have two of my wisdom teeth on opposite ends of my mouth pulled. I suppose a liquid diet won't be all that bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 158

Make up your mind

By WhatKindOfZoneIsThis - 06/02/2022 04:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my crush told me that she has zero desire to pursue a romantic relationship with me, and has only ever seen me as a friend. That would've been fine if we hadn't been seeing each other for almost a year, and passionately made out a couple of nights ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 223

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The Top

Today, I handed in my 2 weeks notice, since I have to leave for college soon. My boss told me it was fine, then cut all my remaining shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 491

You deserved it 1 292

Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 951

You deserved it 1 933

Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 444

You deserved it 4 416

Today, I came into work with a new hair cut and so far everyone has asked me If I lost a bet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 862

You deserved it 3 590

Today, I was cleaning the litter box and found a large clump. I later found my 3-year-old peeing there instead of in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 772

You deserved it 610

Today, my date asked me if I enjoyed golden showers. We were in the middle of making out, and it was our first date, which I thought was going well. I guess when things seem too good to be true, they really are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 262