Today, just before going into an test, I broke my glasses on the way to the exam room. I'm short sighted, and I spent an hour with my nose glued to the paper trying to figure out what was written on it. It was a opthalmology exam. FML
Today, after extensively researching how to properly use in text citations out of fear of my professor reporting me for citing my quotes incorrectly. She reported me instead for forgetting quotation marks on three of my proudly and properly cited quotes. FML
Today, I was sitting at a lunch table with some of my coworkers when one of them decided to put out his cigarette on the table and missed. I now have a nice burn mark on my hand. Did he say sorry? No. "Your hand shouldn't have been there." FML
Today, my rather large boss told me how the company needs to save money, how we are going downhill fast, even suggesting that we might go bankrupt very soon. He then went on to ask me to go get him some very expensive scotch using the company credit card to, "help him cope with the stress." FML
Today, I thought I was being a good worker by showing a mother and daughter several rooms before they settled on one. Turns out Mommy dearest only wanted a place for her brat to throw a party. The cops found alcohol, drugs, and guns. This from the people who complained about a loose chair arm. FML
naivemisanthrope tells us more.
Hi, OP here. I thought this was pretty straightforward, but since at less 111 people so far say otherwise. . . I work at a hotel. (Why would I be showing rooms of a house, much less mine?) We were slammed because of some game, and I was working 3-11, the busiest shift. This woman and her daughter came in, had a reservation for a double. They wanted to inspect the room first. I was busy, so I gave them a key and said I'd be by to check on them in 5 minutes. When I got to the room, they said they didn't like it. So I took them to pretty damn near every unoccupied double on the property, except the one already reserved for a regular. I did this because I had been told my customer service needs work. (And it does. I hate people. Hence the Misanthrope' part of my name.) So after finding something wrong with every room, they decided that they would go for the first room. Then, after I got them checked in, they came down an hour later to complain about a loose arm on the desk chair and asked to take a second look at another room. I practiced my robot-assassin smile and obliged. They decided not to move. I figured they would cause trouble, but the "this place is terrible, I want my money back, here's a bad review" trouble. Imagine my surprise when I showed up the next afternoon to learn that there had been a party, a fight, and a stabbing. The mother had rented her daughter a room for a party, and there was all kinds of illegal shit going on. A bunch of middle-class kids decided to play Fallout Raiders, I suppose. And the topper? They were locals. My hotel charges a steep deposit to locals to prevent just this. The mom had a fake ID from Florida, which means she knew about the policy and wanted to get around it. And this was after signing the paperwork with NO PARTIES in all caps, underlined, with the threat of fees and police. I had always thought the deposit policy was unfair--still do. But I see how it came to be. So, Ms. Cool Mom and Miss Brat wasted my time, wrecked a room, got fined, drove the deposit up even higher, and are facing legal charges. My only consolation is that they're worse off than I am. Every time I think I've encountered the worst of humanity, they surprise me (hence the 'naive' moniker). Oh, and the chair arm was never apprehended.
Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML
Today, I'm allergic to not only bug spray, but also mosquitos. I'm staying at a bug-infested lake for 5 days. FML
Today, my neighbor, whom I've had a massive crush on but barely know, actually started flirting with me. Long story short, it ended with him getting a blowjob. I said, "We should make this a thing." He replied, "Yeah, a one-time thing." FML
Today, my wedding limo driver got high and forgot to pick us up, so the photographers gave us a ride back to the venue from the photo shoot. Three bridesmaids, a flower girl, and I, in my full wedding dress, had to fit in the back of the 1997 Toyota Camry. FML
Today, I told my parents how grateful I am for having them in my life and that not many kids are as lucky as me. My mom texted me after I went out 10 minutes later: "Are you OK? You seemed depressed earlier." FML
Today, I was sick, and decided to work from home. After coding for a few hours, I took a break, and being home alone, I watched porn. A few minutes later, I received messages from my colleagues telling me to shut it down. I had forgotten I was working on teamviewer. FML
Today, I was running to the bus stop to catch the bus. The bus driver smiled, waved, and drove away without letting me get on. FML
Today, I finally decided to go Christmas shopping. It's only once I arrived that I realized that I had forgotten my wallet. FML
Today, while dreaming, I was thirsty and grabbed a glass of water to drink. The taste was so horrible that it caused me to wake up and realize I was drinking the isopropyl alcohol I keep on my nightstand for my CPAP machine. All Poison Control had to say was, "Uh oh." FML
emeraldapostle tells us more.
Hey all, OP here. I'm fine, and Poison Control helped me out after saying, "uh oh." Now I keep my isopropyl somewhere besides my nightstand
Today, in the absence of my god-daughter's parents, I went in their place to see her elementary school's principal. She apparently stood up to a known bully's violence and retaliated, sending said bully to the hospital. Not only she may be facing expulsion, I may get sued by the bully's parents. FML
Today, on holiday in Japan, I got confused and booked a room in a Love Hotel. I’m single. FML
Today, I found out that my immediate supervisor had modified my phone in the priority order at our call center. As a result, any calls that came in during the night shift would be routed to my phone first, so that he can play games on his phone uninterrupted. It's been a whole year. FML
Today, after months of planning, my boyfriend told me he's changed his mind and doesn’t want to move with me to where I got a job. Why? He doesn’t want to live that far away from his mother. FML
Today, my stepmum told me that the Christmas dinner she is cooking tomorrow will cost £25 a head. I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn't. Now I'm spending Christmas alone. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had a fight about his parents. We're both 23-year-old university students who aren't allowed in his bedroom unless the door is completely open. Nothing he says to his parents will change this. FML
Today, my new boss asked me to handle a very difficult client, warning me that, "He's kind of a dick." My accidental response? "That's fine, I'm great at handling dicks." FML
Today, I found out I will not be moving back to California. My mom told me we were going to go on a 2 month vacation to see family in India. She decided we are staying for good. FML
Today, my girlfriend was watching an online video by some vegan girl with a bad fringe talking about bulk buying food to stay healthy. My immediate remark was, "Bulk buy a new fringe, bitch." It went very quiet before my girlfriend replied, "That's my sister." FML
Today, while reviewing boxes of motorcycle parts, I noticed my neighbor's daughter gleefully watching me. I jokingly said, "Wanna do this?" and she let out a loud squee and got to work alone. A few hours later, the bike was ready for a test run. I had no idea how to even start building it. She's 14. FML
Today, I got told that I was going to hell for turning down a man who was at least in his 60s. Even after I told him I was married. FML
Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML
Today, one of my residents was having super loud sex. I'm an RA in a college freshman dorm, and I had to knock on her door and tell her to quiet down. I hate to be a cock-block, but she woke multiple people up, myself included. I live 4 doors down the hall from her. FML
Today, my boss gave me some mentorship. She told me, "You need to learn to let people do things for you. Until then, I'm going to micromanage your project because I want it done my way." FML
Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML
Today, I finally found the perfect quote to open my college essay. Then I found out that the author was one of the founders of the KKK. FML
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