Today, I found out that when my parents said they couldn't afford gifts for us kids, what they really meant was that they weren't buying a gift for me. I found this out when I overheard my father telling my uncle about the things he got my siblings. FML
Today, my mom asked why my three-year-old son is named Trevor. After I told her it was from my favorite game, GTA V, she hit me over the head with a shoe. FML
Today, after a 10-week internship/interview process, I found out that I was passed up for a job I was competing with the other interns for. I also found out that the girl who sat next to me, who constantly borrowed my notes, and who needed help for every task got hired instead of me. FML
SolarLunix tells us more.
SolarLunix 21
Alright, so a lot of you guys are wondering why I would lend my notes to my competition - there were three reasons. 1. This internship was also part of our graduation requirements, and she was a really nice girl. I didn't want her to fail so I would lend her my notes when she forgot to write something for that day just so she could have a refresher. 2. The people I worked with at the company made it sound like there was NO WAY she could beat me out - my mentor had worked with her and said she was constantly invading personal space and making it difficult to work with. So I thought it wouldn't be that harmful to make sure she got a good grade. 3. I was told that I needed to be friendlier with the other interns, eat lunch with them, and help them out more rather than actually working with the other people in the company and getting to know the other employees. It didn't seem to matter that my mentors were giving me actual work to do... Honestly, I'm not too disappointed, I'm working on my PhD application right now, and so hopefully I'll have some better news soon.
Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say it when I caught him sleeping with my best friend. FML
Today, I realized that I get more mail addressed to the old tenant of my apartment than to me. He hasn't lived here in years. FML
Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML
Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number, I wanted to mess with my girlfriend a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML
Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML
Today at camp, we were choosing teams for capture the flag. It's embarrassing to be chosen last, but today I learnt it's even more embarrassing to not be chosen at all. FML
Today, an ultrasound tech complimented me on my "exceptionally full bladder." That's probably the best compliment I've received this week. FML
Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML
Today, I attended the wrong funeral. I spent twenty minutes trying to hide and walk away without being too conspicuous. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML
Today, as a mascot for a pet store, I had to fake my own death to stop a little girl having a temper tantrum because she couldn't take me home. FML
Wolf6661 tells us more.
Wolf6661 22
OP here, to fill in the gaps the little girl was about 8 maybe 9 and the parents did try and stop her but it wasn't working, so I felt they needed a hand. To answer the questions of how she reacted, well after she poked and prodded my "dead body", let's just say my ears are still ringing from her shrill little scream of outrage at my "death". Alright well have a nice day y'all taco taco burrito.
Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML
Today, my mum had no legitimate reason to have her daily yell at me, so she resorted to bitching me out for putting her phone on charge after it started beeping with a low battery warning. FML
Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud, or that I wasn't alone. FML
Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML
Today, a customer yelled at me because I gave her a wrinkled bag. I work in retail, and the bags are all cheap plastic. She wouldn't stop, even when I gave her three different bags. FML
Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML
Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple of stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML
Today, I had my quarterly review with my supervisor at the warehouse I work at. He told me I was doing great and we discussed my raise. After I left his office, his supervisor told me I was being fired for my attendance. The last time I missed work was to attend a funeral. Five months ago. FML
Today, I was at work at the airport. I got called up to a plane's cargo hold, and thought I'd finally learn how to use the loader. Turns out they just needed me to weigh something down, effectively making me ballast. Then my boss told me to get the hell off, after which I hit my head hard climbing out. FML
Today, my granddad had to start sleeping in my bedroom. He has flashback dreams to when he was a boxer, and he's already lamped my granny three times in his sleep. I get a camp-bed, and the chance to listen to him snore like a wild boar. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
Today, I was flirting with this guy that had been forced to be my lab partner for class. He was really funny and attractive, too. In the middle of our conversation he said "You're so cute! You remind me of my boyfriend!" FML
Today, the only part of my Psychology final that I was 100% confident in was my name. FML
Today, my family got detained by airport security thanks to one of their dogs. It didn't even bark to indicate there was something wrong, though. It just kept sniffing my dad, probably because we had our dog with us in the car on the way there. FML
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
