Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML
Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML
Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML
Today, my mom shrieked in horror and burst into hysterical tears when I casually mentioned I was having sex. I've been married for three years. My wife and I have sex. Deal with it. FML
Today, my wedding celebration came to an awkward pause when my dad slapped my mom across the face and called her a whore after she admitted to having an affair. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy, and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML
Today, I got married and my mom refused to be there because my dad, whose guts she hates, was there even though I promised repeatedly that I would keep them apart. I couldn't do the mother-son dance. She keeps insisting that it was a "lapse in judgment." Yeah, like we're really going to be able to have a do-over. FML
Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML
Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML
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Top comments
smallfrie32 6
Well honesty should always be something we strive for, but at least you had the intention of keeping your husband's family happy.
sensoon15 7
Id just tell my husband's family that my mother has an active imagination and makes up these stories when she's drunk.
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Comments (41)
smallfrie32 6
Well honesty should always be something we strive for, but at least you had the intention of keeping your husband's family happy.
_Oblivion_ 12
There's a lot of psycho and drunken mothers on fmls these days
mzrobinson 13
Well now they just ruined the relationship with his family for having premarital sex AND lying. YDI
the_anti_hipster 7
51--way to be a judgmental bitch. In case you haven't heard, 98+% of people have sex before marriage. It doesn't make OP a bad person... Welcome to the 21st century.
Harpy20 24
51- regardless, it's none of their business anyway. What happens in their sex life is their business only. It wasn't the Mother's right to tell and even if his family doesn't like it, they can get the **** over it. OP and her husband are adults. Please stfu.
MelissaHope1986 8
51...I have not read a single comment from you that isn't judgmental or ignorant in some way. Just an observation try to be less bitchy. Maybe have some good sex or take a Midol tablet before gracing us with your presence. Who knows but its just a thought.
ALlamaOnFire 20
Just say she meant she walked in on your sister... :) good luck OP
drunkandfml 11
and end it with an obvious wink
TurtleSmile 14
That should do it.. Honestly, this is all your fault, OP. you/your spouse could have told their family you were having sex, or you could have not had sex at all. This wouldn't have happened had you been more responsible and mature. YDI
MissMae93 23
2 - Uh, I think it's a bit late for damage control.
bronsrawr 1
Why is it any of the family's business? If you're an adult, your sex life is your business. If the family wants to hide its collective head the sand and stay in the dark age, that is its prerogative, but the adult son/grandson shouldn't have to. I see this as a justifiable "white lie". Most couples have sex before marriage now, and it is unreasonable to assume/expect that your adult child with a fiancée will not.
TurtleSmile 14
I agree with you - to a point. I think it is their business because it's their sons morales. I would care if my son was getting into drugs and alcohol abuse. Call me old fashioned, but North America could rid itself of a lot of problems if premarital sex never happened.
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
92 I think you need some good sex.
Siena5687 4
No lying!!
SkoomaKi 28
Telling a person not to lie is like telling Captain Jack Sparrow not to drink rum.
Siena5687 4
Im sorry I know that was a stupid comment. I tried to delete it but I didn't know how. :(
MissMae93 23
71 - You can't delete them which is why you should put thought behind your comments, especially if you agree that it's a "stupid comment".
Supernovas_Child 13
You can delete/edit comments after like 30 seconds or something ridiculous like that.
MissMae93 23
You can edit, yes, but not delete. At least not on Android or iPhone.
drunkandfml 11
Mothers...do I need to continue?
MDTeddy 13
Another fml about horrible parents and I thought the younger generation was bad even though it is.
MissMae93 23
4 - Why yes, you do. My mom is spectacular so I don't understand why you'd just group all mothers together.
baronsmommy 14
My mother directed her till death do you part toast directly at my father, they've been divorced for 20yrs, then proceeded to proposition him for the remainder of the night, luckily my stepmom couldn't make it.
Harpy20 24
70- obviously there are always exceptions to the rule. Everyone knows that xD
sensoon15 7
Id just tell my husband's family that my mother has an active imagination and makes up these stories when she's drunk.
emmagillespie24 11
Why would she want to lie more? She got into this mess because she lied to her husbands family.
sensoon15 7
Because it's better than causing a huge family fight about something that can't be changed.
sensoon15 7
I meant to add this to my other comment, maybe the family will be disappointed in their son and never let it go. Who wants their parents to be disappointed in them? Yes, lying isn't the best thing to do sometimes but if both the husband's family and the husband and wife are happy then why not? It can't be changed so might as well make everyone happy.
fallingstarsxox 8
-5 I love your profile pic ^^
nalawala 4
It shouldn't be a problem! You two are married now, congrats!
TheDrifter 24
A lot of religious folk will forgive some practicing before the ceremony now that they're married. Especially since it wasn't a shotgun wedding.
chellyX92 8
I'm surprised they didn't have you guys chaperoned. I knew a religious family and all of their kids had to go on chaperoned dates no exceptions. Anyways blame the story on the fact she's drunk and has no clue what she is talking about.
DjeePee 25
It's not because the one religious family you knew had their kids chaperoned, that every religious family does that. When I was 17 and wanted to sleep with my boyfriend (a synonym for sex, I suppose), my parents just made a huuuuuge scene for a few days. And now, three years later, they just keep it with: "You know it's against our will, but it's your choice, even if it's a bad one."
nesscafe_fml 17
24, im wondering why you told your parents you wanted to sleep with your boyfriend? A little weird, dont you think?
kickass1stbase 7
Some people are just very open with their parents
DjeePee 25
Because it would be more weird if I, my pajamas and a fresh pair of underpants sneeked out of the house at night.
shireman97 6
Oh lovely alcohol, breaking families part since 1682
Bullpine 11
You kidding? Alcohol's been around longer than that.
Turtle_rebellion 10
The ancient Egyptians invented the first alcoholic beverages around 6000 bc. Learn your history.
delicious69 5
And this is why you don't lie. You should have just told them its none of there business now your screwed (pun intended).
fabulosogurlee 7
Everyone knows that you gotta take him for a test drive