Today, I had to drive my husband to hospital after he tried to burn his pubes off with a lighter as part of a bet. On the upside, he probably won't be bugging me for sex for a while. On the downside, I'm married to a moron. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML
Today, I mixed drunkenness with sensual oils, a lot of whiskey, a massage, and scented candles, which resulted in accidentally setting my husband's back hair on fire. FML
Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML
Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, my husband nearly set our apartment on fire, all because he attempted to burn any evidence of his affair with his mistress, including the used latex condom. FML
Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Today, I shaved my lady bits for the first time to surprise my husband, who I haven't seen in months due to deployment. I ended up with razor burn and my dim-witted husband believes I cheated on him and that it's an STD. Nothing will tell him otherwise. FML
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, my hand is covered in blisters because my boyfriend thought it would be fun to set an old insurance card on fire. Out of panic, he slapped the card against the wall in a failed attempt to put it out. Also out of panic, I slapped the flaming wall with my bare hands. FML
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Top comments
ZY1431 24
well id say if he has to bug you for sex and you finding it great that he wont be bugging you for sex, there's a problem.
ZoroMiHawk 25
Well, your husband had the balls to go ahead with the bet. Whether he still literally has the balls is another question though.
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Comments (101)
speakfreely 21
This is too hilarious, but why would you be happy about not having sex
buddysboy9 11
What is you had an embarrassing pube? Girls go to the extreme of waxing their vaginas I don't see how this is too different
lil_ham1644 29
Pouring hot wax is different than holding an actual flame on your crotch
Zenechai 2
Well, there's definitely a fine line there. Holding an open flame (that has a pretty universal, consistent temperature every time you make one), next to your extremely thin-skinned, sensitive private parts, is absolutely stupid and the results are predictable. With body waxing, different types and brands of wax use different heating methods and heat to different temperatures. It's always varied. While you're supposed to test the wax before you apply, the skin on your fingers is a lot thicker than your pubic skin, so what doesn't seem hot when you stick a finger in it can seem scalding and excruciatingly painful when actually applied. I hope that helps to explain the difference a little.
knoxxx 22
The pain of waxing doesn't come from the heat of the wax, it comes from the actual ripping of your hair out of its follicle, in my opinion at least
Armygirl93 10
Lol he sounds like fun
sammyjanette 17
Maybe her husband sucks at sex, and she finds it a chore. Wouldn't be the first person, and certainly won't be the last to feel that way.
lil_ham1644 29
Maybe she should say what she dislikes & likes & it would improve. My bf & I talk about it all the time & even after 4 years, we are constantly all over each other
BlameTheOwls 14
I tried communicating with my ex for 3 years...it never got better. communication has to go both ways
MissBehavin77 18
Won't be bugging you for sex is a plus? Sounds more of an fml for him.
dylanhasemann 9
You're the moron for forgetting to put a "the" between to and hospital.
lazyslumber 18
I see both as a downside OP. It's unfortunate for you that you are unable to enjoy the sex.
Bazinga90 12
No sex is an upside?.
logicrules 11
Maybe your married to a bloke with a sense of humour and he's married to a boring frigid moron.
sweetnsourrr 11
I kind of don't feel sorry for you because you married him and the upside is you don't get have sex with him....Im confused. Why are you still married to someone you can't stand? I dont know you and I dont want to jump into assumptions, but you kind of seem like a bitch.