Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend knocked into me with his car. I drove myself to the hospital because he couldn't stop laughing long enough to drive. FML
Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment is for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket, because walking is "too painful." FML
Today, after my at-the-time partner got in a car wreck with minimal injuries, I drove two hours and got a week off classes to take care of them on hand and foot, they are currently my platonic roommate and I nearly broke my foot… and they keep acting annoyed when I ask for something because I can't walk. FML
Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML
Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML
Today, it's been almost 24 hours since my wife bent down and couldn't get back up. After laying in bed all day in agony with a bad back, an ambulance was called. She still currently can't stand in the hospital. I have two kids to look after and am supposed to be in work tomorrow. I have no idea what to do. FML
Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML
Today, I saw someone get out of a car without putting it in park. I sprinted over and jumped in, trying to stop the car before it went down an incline. I didn't make it. I now have a dozen broken bones, need surgery, and was just informed I'm being held responsible for the wreck, since I was in it last. FML
Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML
Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
LarryLaDouche 13
Dump him. Come at me OP!
mackdeezy 22
Lol at your username OP. Youve anticipated a common response from the FML community. Well done.
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Comments (76)
FlamingTacos 7
He should learn about car surfing. It's pretty much surfing on top of a car. It's very dangerous, but I think he might be up for it.
skyenoelle 15
Yeah, just as soon as his broken leg heals. And with enough unintelligible people round up, maybe this will become an Olympic sport in the next decade or so.
GlitterValentina 12
Not to be a bitch, but unintelligible means incomprehensible. Not in the context that you someone is not intelligent. I hope that makes sense and clarifies it for you. :)
vbmg152 19
Unintelligible?? Don't you mean unintelligent?? Unintelligent= stupid Unintelligible= poorly articulated or drowned by noise!
poccocurantes 7
The way it reads actually makes sense in a weird way. round up a bunch of people who's behavior nobody can comprehend and have them compete for our entertainment.
sens3sfailing 25
25- you are on fml so correcting a word that does no belong there does not make you a bitch at all. You would be a bitch if you corrected and obvious typo when they clearly knew what should have gone there, and then calling them names for it.
pandalover69 26
car surfing is just as stupid, I went to high school with some kid who died from it car surfing, it's really dangerous if not more.
skyenoelle 15
#25, I really wasn't saying to gather up a bunch of stupid people, but actually more of what #43 was saying in a way. To me, I meant people that I can't understand, for doing crazy and reckless things, and get them together for our entertainment. I can see how that sounds a little awkward now. I've used that word to describe odd people and things I don't understand before, so I used it in this case. I wasn't calling her husband stupid at all. Thanks for pointing that out though, I never even realized people might have been thinking I was saying something else.
Twisted_Angel 17
smh, boys never grow up...
buck33 14
I'm actually hoping they were drunk, but the FML would say something about it.
lexxiii 17
Better a broken leg than broken balls.
GothickNihilist 15
That actually is humanly possible. When a mans testes break, the sack rips and there is intense pain. There is also an inability to have sex, as well as difficulty urinating. Not to mention a high risk of staph infection.
ICastillo 25
Better a broken leg than dying.
awaydoggy 8
Better broken balls than broken brain
SirFawkes 16
Broken balls would be much better for the world.
LarryLaDouche 13
Dump him. Come at me OP!
GlitterValentina 12
"saydumphimandiwillkillyou"
LightningCactus 12
.mih pmuD
igive 29
Hide yo'self cus she's killin' everbody out there who says that.
Jonaahhhh 12
Still trying to find a coherent, eloquent thought or meaning in LightningCactuses response...
samasara 20
89. Yeah.. that comment is confusing?
Superstitious 6
mih pmuD--> Dump him
Zomg_Okay 27
That was the first thing that came into my head when I read the OP's username, word for word. Kudos, 4.
katydid95 5
You must be so proud.
mackdeezy 22
Lol at your username OP. Youve anticipated a common response from the FML community. Well done.
X_Codes 11
If this event were indicative of a larger pattern, then it would also happen to be the correct answer, IMO. Planking. On a moving vehicle. Speeding downhill. It's like an epic shitstorm of stupid fail.
Krajjan 9
Agreed. There's a point where love and bank accounts can no longer overcome stupidity and hospital bills. Two more stupid strikes, separate from him. Ha, no d-word.
BulldogHoops 14
Yolo brah!
BulldogHoops 14
Okay, since I'm buried, I feel as though I should clarify. I'm not one of the brain neutral twats that abide by the "Yolo" philosophy, it was simply a joke. I feel the need to clarify because I shan't let my name be sullied as a swagfag.
heygirlie777 21
No no no, the whole FML community, see, we're cats, so YOLNT. Get it right.
kittykat1501 31
I can concur with this. we are definitely cats.
billyz77 24
What the Hell is this world coming to when a man can't even be a daredevil without his wife submitting his actions as an FML? What if Evel Kneivel's wife had done that to him and it caused him to cease being a daredevil and he became a bookkeeper or something? We would have had to watch him throw a ledger over the Snake River Canyon.
poccocurantes 7
Exactly and essentially surviving our stupidity Is basically what life is all about.
interesting33 37
Hahahaahaaa!!
billyz77 24
Well, that and reproduction but its kind of hard creating life when you're busy dodging cars while you're surfing.
smilepatrol 7
You know, because **** Physics.
hama806 19
Will some people ever realize that car surfing is just not that fun? Have him try the ocean next time.
poccocurantes 7
Some of us are from the Midwest where the tide is always out.
hama806 19
Poor thing. But I was talking about OP's husband.
billyz77 24
Don't worry. According to Al Gore, with the temperature rising as fast as it is, the polar ice packs will be melting soon and the rising oceans will bring the coast to you. Surf's up in Kansas in 2050!