Today, I had to drive my husband to hospital after he tried to burn his pubes off with a lighter as part of a bet. On the upside, he probably won't be bugging me for sex for a while. On the downside, I'm married to a moron. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML
Today, I mixed drunkenness with sensual oils, a lot of whiskey, a massage, and scented candles, which resulted in accidentally setting my husband's back hair on fire. FML
Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML
Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, my husband nearly set our apartment on fire, all because he attempted to burn any evidence of his affair with his mistress, including the used latex condom. FML
Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Today, I shaved my lady bits for the first time to surprise my husband, who I haven't seen in months due to deployment. I ended up with razor burn and my dim-witted husband believes I cheated on him and that it's an STD. Nothing will tell him otherwise. FML
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, my hand is covered in blisters because my boyfriend thought it would be fun to set an old insurance card on fire. Out of panic, he slapped the card against the wall in a failed attempt to put it out. Also out of panic, I slapped the flaming wall with my bare hands. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ZY1431 24
well id say if he has to bug you for sex and you finding it great that he wont be bugging you for sex, there's a problem.
ZoroMiHawk 25
Well, your husband had the balls to go ahead with the bet. Whether he still literally has the balls is another question though.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (101)
RhineBl 17
Yikes. That was stupid of your husband. Hope he gets better.
hard_candy 25
I'm actually more sympathetic that OP's husband has to annoy her for sex.
TrippingOnAcid 29
I find it sad that OP is married to someone she doesn't want to have sex with
scottyboy417 19
Well now you know that his pride means more to him than his penis so there's that.
Posthuman 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Someone took being in heat to a whole new level!
1dvos_grl3 21
I would believe that applies more towards females..
ChristianH39 30
Well depending on how this went OPs husband might now be female
nataliewby 25
What bet could possibly include lighting your pubes on fire, and who would think they'd win said bet?
devildog562 33
"Bet you can't burn a heart in your pubs." *pounds some whiskey* "Hell yeah I can." Chestnuts roasted on an open fire for the win.
NiceGuysDoWin 21
I would think the burning of the pubes was a punishment for losing said bet... "If I win, you have to burn your pubes with a lighter. If you win, I'll give you $5000" (or some other ridiculous thing that would make taking such a ridiculous bet worth it)
ZoroMiHawk 25
Well, your husband had the balls to go ahead with the bet. Whether he still literally has the balls is another question though.
Zenechai 2
Zing! I don't get how people are so clever. I'm terrible at that sort of thing. OP's story reminds me of a guy I went to high school with who tried to snort fire "to see if he could" and ended up smelling nothing but burnt hair for a week.
princesstavi 17
#6 - he really should have the intelligence to know not to. A mans not a man no matter how much "balls" he has if he's willing to burn his own off for a bet.
weveallbeenthere 30
the visual in my head is great. thanks I needed I laugh.
ZY1431 24
well id say if he has to bug you for sex and you finding it great that he wont be bugging you for sex, there's a problem.
igive 29
That's the real fml...for the husband.
foxwasalamb 24
thats exactly what i was thinking. "ugh my husband wants to have sex with me again... the damn bastard"
Alittleghosty 3
My likes, take ALL of them
YepThatsMeee 23
#15 for her too... F her life if she likes sex but not with her husband. F her life if she doesn't enjoy sex at all.
Rababco 29
If she doesn't enjoy sex then she could be asexual, which means she's not suffering so it's not an fhl. It's more likely that she used to enjoy having sex and stopped enjoying it, in that case then yeah it's a problem. She should have a talk with her husband, there's a lot of reasons she might not want to have sex
Rababco 29
She could be asexual, in that case it's not an f her life. It's more likely that she used to enjoy sex but stopped enjoyed it recently and that's a problem. She should talk to her husband though, there are a lot of reasons why she might not want to have sex and it's not fair to husband for her to constantly deny sex without an explanation.
thenewgirl29 20
I'd say the downside is there will be less sex, because if he is that dumb he must be good for something, at least.
lil_ham1644 29
Obviously he isn't even good for that if she's happy he won't be bugging her about it for a while.
kemnet 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
so your husband wants to have sex with you and it's considered "bugging" you? please die
ImAFaker 29
Well the sex would be, like Dequan's mixtape, "fire".
CheleGirl 10
Huh?!?
ImAFaker 29
I probably worded it wrong. My bad.
garrett_8614 14
No you worded it right. I laughed.